I hear this response all too often when the subject of breastfeeding in public comes up. A breastfeeding supporter will comment that “nursing is natural” and thus should be allowed anywhere public or private that the mother is allowed to be (which by the way is protected by law in 45 states). Then an antagonist comes up with the brilliant retort that “so is urinating or defecating. So then why can’t people just relieve themselves whenever and wherever they please?” Here’s why:

Because when a woman nurses her child in public (and in private for that matter) she doesn’t leave behind a puddle of milk or a pile of curds. She leaves her little nursing nook just as clean as it was before she hiked up her shirt and latched her babe. When a mother gets up after nursing her child and walks away there is no remaining evidence that they were ever there and nothing for the janitor to clean up. There’s nothing there for you to slip on or step in. Nothing emitting a foul odor or attracting flies. Breastfeeding is clean and leaves no trace, save for a happy, healthy baby and a relaxed and relevant mama.

Brandy Van Vossen studied Environmental Biology at Saint Xavier University. She is currently a stay at home mammal mama to her two beautiful, breastfed children (2.5 years and 3 months) on Chicago’s south side.

Beth C: Today [my 23 month old] says to me as we sit down to nurse, “Mommy, take shirt off. Me no like!”

Brandy V: When Charlie was about 18 months old he always asked for “alluvthum.” [Say that out loud.] Yes, he wanted both boobs at once! And the few times I obliged him (mostly because I was laughing too hard to decline) he would grab them like one big hogey and try to squeeze the nips together so he could, literally, have ‘alluvthum’ at once! It never quite worked but he had fun trying.

Amy C: Lately, [my almost 2 year old] started saying “Mama, want YOUR mimis.” This is in response to other members of the family pretending to offer when she asks. She’s learned to be specific now

Christel F: [My son] tells me to cover the side he isn’t eating…

Katrina P: If my 3 year old sees me naked, he points to my boobs and says, “Those are breasts. Are they for nursing a baby?” Awww, he misses nursing so much. Poor thing.

K.P: S (almost 2.5 yo) makes me take out my ENTIRE boob to nurse him. If I try to lift my shirt or be discreet at all, he freaks out and says, “Take your boobie out!!! Take it out! Don’t cover it!”

L.S:  My 20 month old does aerobics/yoga while nursing!

E.D: My 2 year old says, “mom, 2 boobs!” and I’m 37 weeks pregnant so I have very little milk at this point (if any?!) so he nurses for a short time, then stops and says “boob empty! drank all milkies!”

M.S: My son has been weaned for a year now and lately he has been peeking down the collar of my shirt and saying “hi boobs” or when we do the eyes, ears, nose (body parts, etc) he points and says “boobs.”

Beth C: Uh, this is kind of embarrassing but every time we nurse at home (same spot on the couch each time) Q picks up the remote and says “Here mama, mote for you.” Yeah, I still watch crap tv while nursing. Also, Q is a little confused sometimes. His “new” word, when he hurts himself is “boobie” instead of boo boo. He skinned his knee a few days ago and now all we hear is, “Momma, Dadda baby has BOOBIE.”

N.L: I would ask him if he wanted to nurse on the other side… So he started to ask for “more shide? More shide?”

Kristin P: Aubrey’s word for nursing is ‘yummy.’ Whenever he wants to nurse, he comes running to me and says ‘yum yum yummy!!!!’ while simultaneously giving the sign for milk. He has done this since about 18 mo – he is 28 mo now. He also alternates between calling me ‘mama’ and ‘yummy’. It’s a riot and I love that my milk is so delicious that ‘yummy’ is the word he feels most appropriately describes it

S.C: Darren will come off during let down sometimes and go “uuuuummm” and let the stream of milk flow in his mouth…lol.

E.H: My oldest used to try to unbutton my blouse and would furiously wiggle his fingers on the buttons, a little after a year old.

M.H: I have 2 – my daughter called nursing “dee-dees”, and her very first 2-word phrase came at 16 months old – she had just finished nursing and smiled up at me, drunk on breast milk, and said, “Mmm, dee-dees!” [Then] at about 19 months [she] was listening to my 3-year-old and me sing Wheels on the Bus – we sang the part about the babies crying, and then I asked “And what do the mommies do when the babies cry?” (thinking she would say ‘the mommies on the bus go shh shh shh’) – my breastfed toddler said, “give dee-dees!” We still sing it that way to this day – what a better version!

A.C: The other day was watching Diego with my girls, and Diego was giving baby polar bears a bottle. I asked my 3yr old if baby polar bears really drink from bottles in the wild. Much to my dismay, she said yes. So I asked her what was in the bottles. She replied “Pumped milk from the mama polar bear!”

C.J: My nephew (who was 3 at the time, but had been EBF) while I was breastfeeding my son (who was 2 months at the time). Nephew: “Is that where you keep his milk?” Me: “It is.” Nephew: “I keep mine in the fridge.”

Sharon K: My 22 month old curls up in my arms and with a smile says “nigh, nigh peas” Puts a smile to my face no matter what type of day I had!

Catherine M: I swear my almost 5 month old already has a word for breastfeeding. It seems that she says “meh! meh! meh!” when she wants to nurse.

Erin G: When my son was around two months he would make sounds like he was trying to get my attention by coughing and clearing his throat. “ah hehh ah hehh ah hehh”. I wish now that I got that on tape. Now he makes the milk sign. Sometimes I’ll get the cough. [It] was so funny. I miss it. I’ll get the cough now when he’s sleeping and nursing. He will wake up “ah hehh ah hehh” which means “hey ma where are you?”

M.S: One night when Nathan was a newborn, he started nursing while we were in bed asleep. My husband woke me up and asked if Nathan was ok…because he was gulping so loudly…Doug said that it sounded like he was stuck on the end of a fire hose trying to keep up! He’s been a ninja night nurser ever since.

Following your brief stay in the hospital, where you may or may not have been given the support necessary to make a good start as a confident new mom, you are sent home.  And there you will stay.  More often than not, I hear that new moms go for weeks without leaving the house and when they do, the only trips they do make out are to the pediatrician–someone who is primarily interested in the well-being of the baby and not the mom who is trying her hardest to feed and nurture this new life. Hopefully, if it is breastfeeding you are struggling with, you have found the help you need in the form of a lactation consultant, postpartum doula, a LaLeche meeting or other breastfeeding support group.  Even with these supports, new moms remain very isolated within their homes. You have to now figure out how to take care of your baby, feed yourself, maybe take a shower, and function in general–all on very little sleep.  While you are learning all of these things, your baby is trying to figure it all out as well.  He or she has never pooped until just recently so babies make all sorts of funny noises and faces, sometimes appearing to be in pain, as their brand new GI system learns how to process breastmilk or formula. They are not used to sleeping in the manner that we are instructed to put them to sleep–flat on their backs. They often long for the days when they were snuggled in, cozily nestled in their mommy’s warm,dark, noisy uterus. So when you put your baby down for just a second to do some silly thing like, say, brush your teeth, they often react with screams and cries.  This can make even the most chill new mom frazzled.  If you were lucky enough to have your partner around a bit after returning home (or really lucky and he or she works for a company like Google and gets an awesome leave when a child is born), you may have been able to accomplish some of these activities of daily living.  Or maybe you have some helpful family members or friends who have put together a meal train and you have meals coming in regularly, at least for the first little bit.  This can help tremendously.

The Chicago New Moms Group, November 2011 moms

No matter how helpful our relatives or our partners may be, there is no substitute for the support that women receive from other women.  New moms groups provide essential education support at a time when you need it most and in ways you never imaged. Meeting others who are experiencing many of the same challenges as you can go a long way towards helping you realize that you are not alone in your struggles. Finding other new moms who share your experience can ease your transition into motherhood tremendously.  You’ll learn that the women you meet in a new moms group will be one of the most valuable resources you posses as a mother.   A professionally facilitated group, such as The Chicago New Moms Group, not only provides you with peer support but also education on a wide variety of topics that new moms are always asking about like sleeping, feeding, returning to work vs. staying at home, your relationship with your partner, baby temperament and developmental milestones.  These groups also get you out of the house.  This has the added benefit of giving you the chance to practice going out with your baby, feeding your baby when you aren’t in the comfort of your home, and learning to be comfortable when your baby cries around others.  Knowing that you will be going to a consistently supportive and nurturing environment when you do venture out can make the process a bit less daunting.  All of these factors together help to reduce the isolation that often can lead to postpartum depression or a general sense of feeling overwhelmed by all the challenges that come with becoming a parent.  You don’t have to do it alone- join a new moms group.

Linda Szmulewitz is a mom of two crazy kids, a licensed clinical social worker, a postpartum doula, and a member of the Board of Directors for Breastfeed, Chicago!  She is the founder and group facilitator of The Chicago New Moms Group, an educational and support program for first time moms of babies 0-6 months old.  The next 6 week session begins January 23.  Please visit the website for more information and group registration.  

However, I am way too cheap to buy a new nursing top, and way too distracted to bid on ebay… and I’m always looking for any excuse to go ‘thrifting’. I started creating some DIY nursing ensembles modeled after the nursing tops from my friend. They are super easy and NO SEW (T-shirt type fabric does not fray)!  The basic principal is to have two layers: an under layer, which you cut holes in (near the side seams), and an over layer that hides those holes you just cut. The underlayer can be long, short sleeved, or sleeve-less.

My first foray into this universe was a long sleeved super stretchy patterned shirt with a tank top to go over. When I want to nurse, I lift the tank up, and have breast access from either side of the under layer. I can use the top layer to be as discreet as I want to be. Tummy and back are always covered!  Like you, I am a superwoman who makes milk for my baby. It is just nice to feel a bit more pulled together and not yanking at the back of my shirt while nursing… (I did that for three years, and it was manageable, just nicer to have something a bit more functional.)

Style number two I have cooking over here: same under layer idea, but the top layer has a crossover. I just pull down either side and have breast access. This is an espeically good style for when I’m wearing a sling and I need breast access from the top. I don’t have to re-arrange the bottom of my shirt, which is trying to stay nice under the sling (I’m using a moby type carrier for now). I take baby out of carrier to nurse, but love being able to get to my breasts without messing with the already-on sling.

Looking back, I wish I had bought a pumping bustier with baby number one. Who doesn’t want to be a hands-free pumping goddess? Oy my g-d.  I cannot believe I did not have this with the first.  I was too cheap to buy an unproven accessory. This time around, I just snapped up a vaguely my-size bra off the thrift store rack, tried it on at home, and marked where my nipple fell. I then cut a vertical slit about an inch long.  Now I can let that one dollar bra do the work and hold the phalanges in place while I look at real estate on my smart phone.

Nina Lichtenstein, Logan Square mama of two fantastical boys, ages 4.5 and 3 months – the first of whom I breastfed till age three. I am a massage therapist who specializes in massage for the childbearing year, and am hot on the trail of promoting breastfeeding while trying to contain my excitement over how very cool it is.

Or at least that’s where I found myself about 9 months ago and this was how it went:

SJ (a male friend of a friend on facebook):

As a man, I completely support breast feeding. I only ask that if a woman chooses to do it in public that she take appropriate steps to have a bit of discretion. Blanket? Most American males are conditioned to sexualize women’s breasts. We do not necessarily mean to consciously stare or ogle, but most straight men (and some others as well) will find themselves mesmerized by the act – as innocent & beautiful as it may be. We do not mean any disrespect but we ask that you consider its impact upon us as well.

Me:

As a nursing mother I appreciate your thoughts, [SJ]. And I’ll say that we don’t mind if you look at the nursing baby. We don’t even mind if you engage us in conversation or gesture with a polite nod while we’re nursing. But our main concern is meeting the needs of our children and some babies don’t like being under a cover or having something over their face while they eat. Have you ever tried to eat with a bandana over your face like a cowboy? It’s probably pretty uncomfortable. My son won’t nurse under a cover, never would. I have no choice but to feed him when he’s hungry and if that makes a few men uncomfortable then I just expect them to be adults about it and look the other way.

SJ:

…I would make every effort to look away, but I recall one time where due to a DR’s office layout I could not. I smiled & tried to speak with the mom, but I accepted my human limitations & apologized as I closed my eyes & told the young lady why I was doing that. She thanked me for my candor & understanding, but I must admit that I later felt like she failed to plan for her present reality. By the time my name was called, her child was sleeping & it was over. I wished her well & saw my DR. I try not to judge, but I also accept my own human weakness & try to adjust for that as well. I hope I can find good middle ground & not cause anyone pain or discomfort.

Me:

I think it sounds like the young mom planned very well for her present reality but failed to plan for yours. That’s the disconnect here, that everyone projects their own discomforts onto a mother who, very likely, has a hundred other things on her mind and cannot realistically take on the responsibility of managing the comfort levels of perfect strangers.

SJ:

I cannot counter the logic, nor would I necessarily wish to, but I think it a simple thing to pack a small cloth that could cover a nipple. No offense intended to anyone, but unless the nipple is enormous, it can be covered somehow. I apologize in advance, ladies, as childbirth & breastfeeding are two things which are both absolutely beautiful & absolutely amazing to most men.

Me:

I really respect your thoughts and I appreciate your honesty. But wouldn’t it be just as easy for you to pack a small blanket to put over your head (or a magazine or newspaper to use as a visual barrier if you prefer) just in case such a situation arises? I mean, YOU already KNOW that YOU are uncomfortable in such situations. So rather than project the responsibility to deal with YOUR own comfort level onto a complete stranger, you should do some additional planning before you leave for the day. Right? Then moms are free to deal with the needs of their children and everyone else can go on with their day.

SJ:

While I see your logic, moms are also free to choose where they travel, but I am NOT able to know beforehand when or where a nursing mom might travel. I cannot be expected to avoid them. Therefore, the onus to cover should be theirs as nobody could know beforehand – male or female – where a nursing mom might travel or choose to nurse their babe. Such an act is very intimate, and as such, should be private. I think that we need more places in public locations where moms could do such without massive attention or such. Most childrens’ needs could be addressed at home, although I accept how negative that might sound.

Me:

VERY negative! It’s a very isolating feeling to be a new mom who’s trying to figure out how to meet the needs of your child knowing that the American public thinks you’re an exhibitionist. It’s sad and disgusting. I guess nursing mothers should just stay at home where they belong so everyone else can comfortably go about their daily lives. I bet it’s not an issue to see attractive women in low cut tops selling cars, shopping at the mall or sitting at the next table at a restaurant, though. It’s just offensive when breasts are used for their intended purpose. Are you equally offended at beaches and pools? It’s a good thing that most states protect a woman’s right to breastfeed in public, because if it were left to the general public we wouldn’t be allowed anywhere.

I wonder if our society has made it acceptable for too long for grown men and women to behave negatively toward nursing moms and now might be the time to really start bombarding the public with images of nursing babies and put it BACK into the mainstream. It’s definitely time for me to become more active in the nursing in public movement. Thanks for the motivation. Good luck with understanding your human limitations.

Things I wish I would have said:

Really? There wasn’t a table piled with magazines in your doctor’s office that you could have used as a visual barrier? You really thought it was a better idea to announce your discomfort to someone who you didn’t even know and then close your eyes? How incredibly juvenile.

“Moms are free to choose where they travel?” I’m sorry but I wasn’t aware that there were grocery stores, banks, dry cleaners, post offices, etc, specifically meant for breastfeeding moms. Until now I was just going to the regular public versions of these establishments. Can you email me a list of these breastfeeding only places so I can make ‘the choice’ of where to go with my child while we’re still breastfeeding so as to not make anyone else uncomfortable with how I feed my child?   

If you just assume that there will ALWAYS be a mom (or several moms) nursing her children then you can always be prepared. We travel everywhere, just like you. Just expect it and plan for your present reality, taking all the necessary precautions to make yourself feel more comfortable, before you leave your house in the morning.

I’m not sure when the act of eating became intimate, nor was I aware that we were supposed to do it in private. Have you ever been to a restaurant? Or at least heard that they exist? People eat in public all the time. My child deserves the same freedom.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

What are some come backs that you’ve used when confronted with negative nursing in public comments?

Brandy Van Vossen studied Environmental Biology at Saint Xavier University. She is currently a stay at home mom to her two beautiful, breastfed children (2.5 years and 3 months) on Chicago’s south side. 

**Editor’s Note: Thank you to the FB group “The Normalizing Nursing in Public League (NNIPL)” for the awesome cartoons!

Should I breastfeed my baby when I have a cold?

Yes, yes, and yes!!!!!! When you get sick, your body produces antibodies that get passed to your baby through your breastmilk. Those antibodies may help your baby avoid getting sick altogether, and will almost certainly mean a shorter, less severe illness for your breastfed baby. Nurse away, mama!

First and foremost:

Your health is correlated with how well you take care of yourself! Really. You need to take care of yourself. Turn off the TV, shut down Facebook, ignore the laundry, and GO TO BED!!! I recently complained to a friend that I had been struggling with a cold for a month and I felt like I was doing everything right – I was taking my supplements, drinking my herbal tea, avoiding sugar, and being absolutely lazy around the house. What was I missing? Sleep. In bed by 10:30pm, no exceptions.

Cold comfort:

• Aromatherapy – Personally I can’t stand smelly candles, but a good essential oil diffused throughout my house makes me happy. Great essential oils for colds: lavender, peppermint, rosemary, lemon, frankincense
• Humidifier – especially during our dry Chicago winters
• A good long soak in the tub – hot herbal bath with lavender, chamomile, rosemary and calendula (if you don’t live near a health food store, you can buy bulk herbs at www.frontiercoop.com), hot towel or warmed rice sock on sinuses, hot shower, steamy water (with some essential oils) in a bowl and a towel draped over your head – inhale deeply for 5 min

General immune system care:

• Avoid refined sugars (um, that means cookies, candy, milk chocolate, soda… just in case you needed a reminder)
• Avoid dairy (you know you don’t have to drink milk to make milk, right?)
• Eat your veggies (dark, leafy greens, etc.)
• Stay hydrated and ditch the caffeine
• Sleep

“Natural” remedies**:

• Neti-pot – yup, it’s kinda gross and you have to use distilled or filtered water, but it’s a great way to clear out those nasal passages! Opera singers swear by it.
• Herbs – check out this warning from Kellymom before drinking herbal teas or taking herbal supplements. After you’ve done that, echinacea stimulates the immune system and fenugreek is good for congestion.
• Vitamins – vitamins C and D
• Probiotics
• Garlic (raw, not in a capsule) – chop it up and swallow it right down… yes, you’re going to smell, but garlic is antibacterial and it detoxifies the body.
• Homeopathic remedies – generally considered safe for breastfeeding mothers. Find good practitioner or talk to your local health food store peeps.
• Body work – chiropractic, massage therapy, cranial-sacral therapy, lymphatic drainage, acupuncture, acupressure, etc.

Pharmaceuticals:

• This is a great list of common medicines used to combat cold symptoms that are safe for breastfeeding moms.

More Resources:

Kellymom.com

Smart Medicine for Healthier Living (Zand, Spreen, and LaValle)

*Although this is common sense, make sure you talk with your health care provider if you have any questions about your health. We are not health care providers and we probably don’t know you personally, so use your best judgment in caring for your health. 

**More common sense: Just like your mama told you, all things in moderation. Do not overdo any treatment or remedy – even if it’s “natural.”  

My first thought was that I was grieving over the loss of the last two months of my pregnancy and the “normal” birth experience I had so wanted to have—and that was perhaps part of it. But as the first year of my son’s life picked up speed and life began to fill in the gaps left by the gradual disappearance of hospital visits and baby gifts and concerned phone calls from family and friends, I began to recognize a loss that did not stem from the circumstances surrounding my son’s birth so much as the loss of the entire relationship I had hoped—expected—to have.

Because my son was born nine weeks premature, within a few hours of his birth I had started to use a breast pump to initiate and maintain my milk supply. It had never been a question of whether I wanted to breastfeed, but after the birth of my son it became a question of whether I would be able to. An endless cycle of breastfeeding, bottle feeding, and expressing quickly consumed my days, and two months into my son’s life, the stress of that exhausting routine, the experience of having a preemie, the preeclampsia that affected my own health, and a father who was dying from cancer, took their toll and I couldn’t continue on any further. Shortly after my son’s due date, recognizing I had to make a change, I committed myself to exclusively pumping for my son and tried to make peace with the fact that breastfeeding wasn’t going to be part of our lives.

The loss that I felt as a result of not breastfeeding took me by surprise. No one tells you that you will experience grief. No one tells you that it hurts. No one tells you the sense of regret you will experience when you think back to those early days of your child’s life and you question the “what ifs” that might have made things different.

But this is not a story of grief and sadness; instead it is a story about enlightenment and healing.

My experience with my son taught me the importance of relationship. He taught me that what we do matters and how we do it matters. He taught me that I have an inner maternal instinct that is to be trusted, nurtured, and valued. He taught me that life is a continuum and that mothering starts long before a baby is born and will continue long after our children leave our homes. He taught me that process matters and what happens before will affect what happens after. These lessons weren’t learned easily, and many of them weren’t learned in time to benefit my son and I. Our relationship has been built on struggle and common challenges, and we continue to conquer those challenges together, trying to repair the lost relationship we both so desperately desired when he was born.

Not being able to breastfeed my son was a loss: a loss for both of us. I have come to understand that our biology has expectations, just as we do, but those biological expectations are far more important than my own personal expectations. They are based on centuries, and maybe even millennia, of genetic heritage. To try to circumvent those biological expectations can only result in an imbalance and leave us feeling loss. I grieved the lost breastfeeding relationship with my son, just as I grieved the normal birth experience, not because it was what I had expected or wanted, but because it was what my biology expected.

Two and a half years later, I stared at a positive pregnancy test and was surprised that the first thought to pop into my head was: “I wonder if I’ll be able to breastfeed this baby?” Emotions that I thought I had examined and dealt with and discarded after my experience with my son came flooding back to me. And at that moment my journey of healing began, ushered in by my new baby, my daughter.

As is often the case, my second pregnancy was entirely different than my first and I was entirely different as well. Certainly I now had experience as a mother, but I also carried with me the hurt and fear resulting from my first breastfeeding experience. While I had infinitely more knowledge about “normal” birth and lactation, I also had insecurities and mistrust relating to my body and my body’s ability to do what it was supposed to do. It didn’t work the way it was supposed to the first time, so why should I think it would all work out the second time? As those nine months progressed, I devoured everything I could about the normal birth process and breastfeeding from a biological perspective and decided to commit myself to trusting my body. Faith can be both scary and freeing, and I gave myself to it entirely.

My re-education about breastfeeding challenged social attitudes about mothering and babies. I learned to question my knowledge and strove to focus on breastfeeding practices that were biologically sound. When my daughter was born I ensured that she was placed on my chest immediately and we enjoyed more than an hour of quiet time getting to know each other before she was weighed and cleaned. She latched for the first time within the first half hour and stayed with me, often in my bed, for our entire hospital stay. She nursed frequently and eagerly. Things seemed to be going well. And then upon our arrival home, those familiar worries and fears set in.

Nothing really was going wrong; my daughter was over her birth weight by five days of age, after a bit of initial soreness we seemed to get into a routine that was working well, but yet I clung to the past, worried that things weren’t as good as they seemed and that certainly my body was going to fail me yet. For the first month of my daughter’s life, I worried every time she cried that it was something I was doing, that my milk wasn’t sufficient, or that for some reason things were not as good as they seemed. All the usual newborn issues were, in my mind, somehow connected to my ability to breastfeed and mother. Her cries or fussiness would bring back the overwhelming memories of my experience with my son and my emotions continually churned. Eventually, I decided enough was enough and I returned to that place of faith I had been in before my daughter was born.

And neither my body nor my daughter disappointed.

Once I relaxed into the relationship with my daughter and put my trust in both my body’s ability to provide for her and her ability to know when and how much she needed to nurse, I entered a period of ease. I finally recognized the power my body holds and the empowerment that can come through the process of birth and breastfeeding. I recognized that my body is capable and strong and nurturing. And I recognized that in our society we often are given information, advice, and practices that are in direct competition with our biology.

In order to allow our biology to do what it needs to do, we often need to question the influence of our society and in some cases put it aside in favour of biology. In retrospect, I can see the influences of society greatly affected my breastfeeding relationship with my son. It saddens me that I was unable to breastfeed him as I had wanted, but I also recognize that I only did what I knew to do at the time. Ultimately, my experience with my son brought about the enlightenment I needed to breastfeed my daughter and that experience has influenced my life since he was born.

Breastfeeding my daughter was a relationship—is a relationship. She weaned just a couple months after her third birthday, but the closeness that we enjoyed from our nursing relationship is still very much part of our lives today two years later. Being able to participate in that relationship helped me to heal the lingering hurts from the experience with my son. It returned to me the ability to trust my body and the process and to ultimately have faith in something outside of myself.

While at times it does sadden me that my son and I did not enjoy the same relationship as my daughter and I did, I remind myself that the relationship between a nursing mother and baby benefits everyone surrounding them. My son was very much part of the nursing relationship with my daughter, witnessing the love and closeness of our relationship but also being a part of it as we would sit and chat while his sister nursed. The healing brought about by breastfeeding was not just my own; it also helped my son witness that important relationship that he was unable to experience for himself, and I have no doubt he will carry it with him into his adulthood and into the relationship with his own children.

Stephanie Casemore has experienced breastfeeding as a challenge, a gift, and a healing experience. She exclusively pumped for a year for her first child and nursed her second child for three years. Turning the challenges into a positive as an opportunity to support other mothers, Stephanie shares her experience through her books:  Breastfeeding, Take Two: Successful Breastfeeding the Second Time Around and Exclusively Pumping Breast Milk: A Guide to Providing Expressed Breast Milk for Your Baby.

Thanks, everyone!

• AN: Just say no!!!
  Your baby won’t starve while you are getting tended to after birth…even if you had a c section. Insist on NO bottles and baby will latch! I don’t think this is scientifically proven but many many moms who’s babies were given bottles in the first 4 weeks had bfing issues (including me with my first) 1st baby 10 months…fought til the very last drop
  2nd baby…10 months and going strong!!!
• CC: 1 child; nursed for 32 months, and counting. Best advice: You are enough for your child – there isn’t always one way to get the job done, every mom and baby are as unique as individuals and use Lansinoh before and after feedings and pumping.

• JPY: 2 children… #1 – severe supply issues nursed 8 months (supplementing the entire time)… LC didn’t think I’d ever make it that long. boy did I prove her wrong! #2 – going on 6 months EBF on the 17th! The most helpful advice was to feed baby where ever & whenever. Don’t postpone feedings when baby just comes home from hospital b/c you have company or b/c someone wants to hold the baby and try to calm them when you know they want to nurse.
• EL: I’m nursing my second now.. 22 months old. When I first started, tho, I had a nursing epiphany when I learned (at LLL meetings) that cluster feeding in the evenings didn’t mean I was out of milk, and that nursing was something I could do in my sleep… When I was taught how to nurse side-lying. Both of these things helped me to just relax and have confidence in myself.

• BB: “Never quit on a bad day” helped me.
• WOS: 2 children, #1 was nursed 27 months (though she would’ve liked to nurse longer!), had a lot of issues in the beginning (baby was in the NICU her first four days, so she was given formula, I was encouraged to pump but my milk did not come in until she got home, so whenever I tried to nurse in the NICU she would scream and get frustrated). We had some rocky weeks (as I refused to use formula when we got home) and I used a nipple shield for the first six months (not recommended by LC but I did what I could to make it happen). Be patient and keep on chugging away at it (and with the help of professionals and determination) you can BF, even if you do get off to a rocky start! #2 has been nursing for 10 months and counting!!!
• TL: I am on baby #2 and have been nursing for almost 4 years straight (dec 27th is my first 4 year bday) I never thought I’d make it past 3 months and I can’t believe I am tandem nursing an almost 4 year old and a 10 month old! The most helpful advice I received was to take it one day at a time and if baby is happy and having wet diapers baby is getting enough!
• Kristin P: My little man is 27 mo, and we are going strong with nursing!! He was EBF his first 15 mo of life, and continues to nurse every 2 hours or so – definitely never goes longer that 3 hours without his ‘yummies’! The best advice I received was to follow my babe’s cues/lead for feeds, not the clock or schedule. I read that advice in the Dr. Sears Baby Book that my doula recommended. Other invaluable advice was that bedsharing is a wonderful way to establish breastfeeding – also from Dr. Sears. I was already following Aubrey’s lead, and bedsharing, but it was really empowering and validating to read his words.
• JSS: #1 breastfed for 15 months, #2 is still breastfeeding at 13 months. They didn’t overlap. Best advice was that babies go through growth spurts every couple of weeks where they’ll want to nurse more – just stick with it and let them nurse as much a they want to. They’re not starving, and your milk supply will catch up.
• MS: Daughter nurses still at 3.5 years and son is 9 months old and obviously still nursing. The best advice…trust you body and its ability to nourish your child, not only physically but emotionally.
  My daughter is a testament to that. When I ask her why she still wants to nurse (once a day) she tells me that “I nurse because I love you and I like nursing.” To me, weaning just because someone says to wean at a certain time doesn’t make sense.

• Karaleigh: 10.5 months- drink LOTS of water, be patient and enjoy every moment of it.
• BP: Six months for my six month old daughter. For us, the best advice was skin to skin contact and laid back nursing. And I’ve so appreciated having a good breastfeeding friend to laugh with for plugged ducts, and other challenges as they come up!
• NLR: Between the three of them 6 years. (omg lol) Best I’ve got is don’t give up. Get help if you need it. It will get easier. #2 had a really rough start. Things did not level out for about 8 weeks. (So much pain, bleeding, screaming & crying; not just him haha) Once he and I got the hang of it, it was great. Went 25mos. If you have a c-section, you CAN most definitely nurse your baby minutes after birth. I had my younger two in my arms as soon as I was stitched up and in recovery. They were never more than a few feet away from me. Don’t let them tell you otherwise.
• Renee: 38month old still nursing and tandeming with his almost 3 month old brother. Best advice I ever got was to just relax. Stop and take it easy. Take a deep breath and watch as it all works out
• Mirjam: 29 months…stick with it. Breastfeeding can be hard in the first few weeks, but when the two of you figure it out, sharing those moments of peace and silent connection are going to be worth any amount of work that you had to put into it.
• MMV: All four of mine were EBF…#1 was 16 months and self weaned (I was not ready for her to stop!), #2 was a little over 24 months, #3 was also a little over 24 months, and #4 is 26 months and counting. Best advice was nursing on demand and also that even though nursing is the most “natural” thing to do, you and baby still need to work a little to figure it out! My mom also gave me the book “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding” which was helpful since I never went to any classes or groups. Also, I agree with the c-section comments…my four were born by c-section and it did not prevent me in any way from nursing
• Rowkeena: ‎19 months..Don’t give up when they start teething. You and your baby will form a communication where they understand that biting hurts. If you want the good stuff, no biting!
• Brandy: 32 months combined, and still going. See a lactation consultant for breastfeeding advice, not a pediatrician!!!
• Beth: 22 months and counting. The best advice I got came before my son was born. A friend told me that it’s okay for it not to feel natural at first and that it is hard at the start. She encouraged me to take a class before my son was born. My husband and I did just that, we took a class with a lactation consultant about 3 weeks before he was born. Looking back, I really wonder if I would have made it without that advice.
• AR: Don’t quit on your hardest day.

  (nursing #2 nearly 8 months & going strong, #1 only 10 weeks. )
• EN: In our 26th month of breastfeeding, the best advice I’ve received is not to worry about the future yet. Most of our concerns about the future will be resolved or become non-issues by the time they arrive, whether it’s nursing with teeth, supply after introducing solids, nursing during pregnancy, or weaning. Don’t waste your energy worrying about possible concerns; instead, focus on the present and enjoy today.
• CS: #1 for 11mo and #2 8.5 mo and counting – best advice I can give is make breastfeeding the only option, we couldn’t afford formula and I wanted to breastfeed with our first anyway, but even though it hurt and she was tongue-tied (fixed at her 1week weigh in) I never even thought to give her anything other than my milk. If you know it’s your only option, it’s a lot easier to stick with it! (sometimes it still hurts, but I’d rather be in a little pain and give my kids the best start I can than the alternative!)
• JM: 15 months. Most helpful advice (from my daughter herself): “boob!” surprisingly (or not) I received a lot of unhelpful advice
• IKK: One boy, 27 months old, still nursing. Even when the kids around him are sick for a week or two with bad colds, he always got over them in about 48 hours, with a little increased nursing. Best advice? O my! Where do I start? First of all, most (almost all) hospitals are NOT baby/breastfeeding friendly. So keep your baby near you as much as possible, maybe even the whole time and do skin-to-skin and nurse non-stop to help your milk come in. Especially if you had any interventions during the birth, it might take a little longer for the little one to latch, etc. Don’t let anybody intimidate you. One nurse kept telling me that my son was going to get cold having him skin-to-skin (because I kept taking his onesie off – even though he was UNDER the blanket with me). But he did not. And he did nurse. Another big thing is: get support. Be around other nursing mommies. Whether it’s LLL or just some friends, it’s so important to have someone to share your questions, joys, and sometimes frustrations. It’s all part of the journey and the last thing you need is somebody suggesting that “stop nursing” would end all your issues. And lastly, always remember, this is the relationship between YOU and YOUR CHILD, nobody else. This is one thing you share, unique to you two, special, magical, amazing and FOREVER – nobody can take that away. And nursing is part of that relationship, so when you are having a hard day, follow your heart, look into your babies eyes and do what you feel is best. Trust yourself.
• SSK: #1 bf for 12 months, #2 for 18 months, #3 for 27 months, and # 4 and am still bfeeding strong at 20+ months (while going to school full time). So that is a total of 77 months, so far… I unfortunately received no advice with my first, but had read every book out there (11+ years ago) and it happened to come naturally to both of us:) Recently many friends have had first babies and have called on me to help with breastfeeding (which I love and do). The best advice I give them is to relax and not get frustrated too soon, keep at it and call if they need anything anytime! It is not “easy” or “natural” for everyone and takes a lot of dedication in the first several weeks!
• Mirjam: Do you know what is so interesting? Reading all of these posts makes it really clear how much of a learning curve is involved in breastfeeding! Nearly everyone who has posted, myself included, breastfed their second child longer than their first, and the third longer than that. Which again kind of echoes what many mamas have said – breastfeeding is a learned behavior, both for you and your baby, and it is important to see it as that so you don’t get frustrated if you falter at first.
• MH: 20 month First Son, 22 month Second Son -  Get through the first month of breastfeeding and it gets easier, in general. I had no guidance about breastfeeding just thought it would be easier and cheaper than formula. Advice: “try not to listen to people’s opinion about how long to breastfeed – short or long, only a mom/child knows what is appropriate.”
• Beth M.: 49 months and counting (14m with #1, 19m with #2 and 16m with #3). Best Advice?? Just relax…your body knows what to do.
• HHL: 2 kids- I breastfed the first for 11 months(and pumped and bottle fed breastmilk until 12 months) and am currently still nursing my 16 month old. I’d say the best advice I received and not until the second was to ignore the clock and feed on demand. I spent so much time recording feedings and EVERYTHING else the first time around and the second time I wrote down NOTHING and life was so much easier. I truly think a huge part of breastfeeding success is surrounding yourself with like minded mamas. It can really feel like an uphill battle when you tell someone about a nursing issue and their response is why don’t you just stop, you’ve done it long enough vs. receiving a sympathetic ear and good ideas and options to give you the support needed to continue. Sometimes all you need to keep you going is for someone to tell you, “I’ve been there” and that’s hard to receive if you don’t know other moms who have nursed and are nursing.
• DS: One little lady still breastfeeding (she’s 46 mos.) and one on the way; best advice — I definitely 2nd Brandy  — unless you have a dream pediatrician, go with the lactation consultant’s advice (or now, the advice you get here! Second best — trust yourself and your mothering instincts always!
• ERM: Wasn’t able to nurse my 12 month old twins but have been PROUDLY nursing my 6 week old since she was less than an hour old. BEST advice I received (which I didn’t get until last week) was to NOT even think about a pump or pumping for at least the 1st 6 weeks. It just adds too much pressure and stress. Just nurse, nurse, nurse and get that relationship down. If baby is thriving then you know you have an adequate supply. I highly recommend a trip to Jill Rabin in Northbrook also. =)
• KCS: Child number one, age 5, nursed two weeks past his 4th birthday. The twins are three and still nursing. I nursed all three for 2 years.
• ECH: 16 months or so with my first, 5 weeks so far with this new baby. The best advice I received was if you were missing nursings because you were busy, spends the weekends in bed nursing. It helped me to work full time, pump, and continue the nursing relationship.
• NW: I’ve been breastfeeding for 3 months, and plan to keep going onto 12. Determination and the bond kept me going. The day that we had an 8am dr appt, we were outside waiting for the doors to open and he was hungry, so I fed him in my car, and he looked up at me with milk all over his face and gave me one of the first smiles I’d seen. Best advice was skin-to-skin contact, it helped me within hours of some nipple confusion. But I’m lucky enough to have a generally easy breastfeeding relationship with my son.

I knew I wanted to breastfeed from the moment I got pregnant. After all it’s free, it’s an easy postpartum weight loss program, and the benefits for both me and baby are fantastic! But then I began to worry. Would it be easy? Would it hurt? Would I know how to do it? Could my baby really survive on “just” my milk?

These thoughts intensified when I gave birth to a premature baby who was too small and weak to latch on. So I did what I could; I tried and tried again to get her to latch and suck. In the meantime, I spent endless hours with my breast pump. I called lactation consultants, but they were all too busy to return my calls or too booked to see me. It took five weeks of trying before I was able to get my daughter to exclusively breastfeed, but I did it.

Through my experience of breastfeeding I felt that it was very important to encourage and support those who wanted to breastfeed. After my friends delivered their babies, I would always check in to see how they were doing and ask if they had any breastfeeding questions. I periodically sent encouraging emails and fun facts about breastfeeding like how breastfed babies have higher IQ’s!

The first friend I told that I would be her breastfeeding cheerleader was overjoyed. She was very much wanting to breastfeed for at least the first year. Within the first week her pediatrician was encouraging her to supplement with formula. She resisted. I got a frantic email a few days later. She emailed with a screaming baby in her lap saying, “I think I need to use formula, he is hungry and there is nothing left!” Together we problem-solved. First step, deep breath. A screaming baby can rock even the strongest woman’s confidence in her ability to be a mommy.

With formula advertising everywhere, and coupons, samples, doctors, nurses and friends suggesting formula. How do we gain confidence that we CAN feed our babies with breastmilk? We need to team together! We need to call our fellow sisters, aunts, cousins, sorority sisters and friends and make sure they have the support and encouragement that they need to breastfeed. We need to talk openly about our journeys with breastfeeding, our trials, our errors, our successes, and our sleepless nights so that other women know that they are not alone. No women should have to struggle in private to feed their child. No woman should have a breastfeeding question go unanswered. It is our duty as successful breastfeeding mommies to be cheerleaders for our tribe.

Karaleigh Salmi is mother to Ellie (10 months old) and 3 dogs. She has a wonderful, supportive husband who encouraged her through all the challenges of breastfeeding. Ellie and Karaleigh overcame the challenge of Ellie’s premature birth and stay in the NICU, and have been successful at breastfeeding. Karaleigh is a Ph.D. candidate in the field of clinical psychology and a stay at home mom.

You’ll definitely be busier than usual – shopping, cooking, cleaning, attending worship services and holiday gatherings.  You may have houseguests for several days — or even weeks.  You might be traveling and living in someone else’s (un-child-proofed) home.

Your children may be getting hugs and kisses from relatives they don’t really know or remember.  Your home may be decorated and furniture rearranged.  Nap schedules and bedtime routines will be out of sorts.

New toys will come into your home.  Some of these might be noisy and scary to your child.  Or they may be so exciting that your kids are bouncing off the walls!

You can confidently breastfeed through the grocery store or at the playground any day of the week, without a care in the world.  But the thought of nursing your child in front of your father-in-law or teenage nephews makes you break out in a cold sweat.

Here are some tips to get you through the holidays!

Courtesy Stephanie Dame Photography

If you have a young infant, babywearing can save your sanity!  The ability to discreetly breastfeed in a carrier is invaluable.  (Take some time to master it beforehand.)  If you have you baby snuggled up to your chest, usually even the closest family and friends will respect your personal space.  If the baby is securely tied to you, there’s less chance of him being subjected to the “pass the baby” game.  While I’m happy that so many people love my children, I do try to limit the amount of kisses on their face and hands during cold and flu season.

Most of our mothers and grandmothers did not breastfeed.  Without that experience, it’s very difficult for them to understand the dynamics of your breastfeeding relationship with your child.  Women of their generation were probably instructed to start feeding their babies cereal at six weeks old.  In cultures around the world, food is a symbol of love, so everyone will want to feed your child!

Whether it’s delaying the start of solids, limiting certain foods or avoiding allergens, I find that it’s best to be up-front about what you allow and what you don’t.  Ask your family to respect your decision.  Be firm and be watchful, because I can almost guarantee that someone will try to sneak something that’s not allowed, or they may simply forget that about the butter basting when they offer turkey to your dairy-free child.

An older baby or toddler may be so enamored with all the new people, places, experiences, and toys that they forget to nurse, not to mention the relatives that will be filling his/her little tummy with things other than your milk.  So unless you’re both ready to wean, be sure to schedule some nursing sessions so you and your nursling have a chance to relax and reconnect.  For the easily distracted child, seek out a quiet room where the two of you can escape.

Chances are that you’re parenting very differently than other members of your family or social circle.  Some people will question your methods just out of sheer curiosity.  They’ll be open to hearing about how and why you’ve made these choices, so please take the time to share your story and information.

Others may be confrontational about your parenting, defensive in their own methods and even belittle yours.  In these circumstances, it’s best to not engage.  Just respond with, “This works for our family,” and do your best to change the subject.  You and your parenting partner may even want a code word to be used when one of you needs support from the other, and it never hurts to have an exit strategy!

Most mothers take a “make it work” approach when it comes to clothes that accommodate breastfeeding.   The holidays are the perfect opportunity to buy a nice piece of nursingwear to add to your wardrobe.  In an outfit made for breastfeeding, you won’t have to worry about how much of you is on display.

Many herbs used during holiday feasts (particularly sage, thyme, oregano, parsley, anise and mints) can decrease your milk supply, especially if you’re eating the leftovers for several days!  Stress, dehydration, cold/flu, lack of sleep, travel, irregular nursing sessions can also take their toll on your supply.  So be sure to take care of yourself during this season!  It never hurts to have some Mother’s Milk tea or Vitanica’s Lactation Blend capsules on hand.  (Look for these at your local health food store.)

Almost everyone loves babies and children – especially during the holidays.  So use some that goodwill to make your life a little easier:

Many of our parenting partners/spouses have additional time off during the holidays.  Send Daddy out on an errand with the baby while you clean the house.

Invite your mother-in-law to go shopping.  It’s almost always easier with another adult along.

Plan a “Baking Day” with your kids and Grandma to get those holiday treats made all at once.  (Plan to order take-out for that night’s dinner, or better yet, start your crock pot early in the morning, so when the day’s baking is done, dinner is ready.)

Have a niece or nephew with a driver’s license?  Consider hiring them to run some errands for you.

Find a young teen to hire as your “Mother’s Helper” for an afternoon or two during their winter break.  You’ll be able to accomplish a lot of cooking, wrapping, cleaning with someone else entertaining your baby or toddler.

It’s not unusual for children to experience a major developmental milestone over the holidays.  In all the excitement, they can forget a habit or routine and unexpectedly start (or stop) doing something.  If possible, it’s probably best not to attempt a major transition during this chaotic time.  Give all of you a chance to make it through the holidays before tackling a new skill.

While the holidays are a magical time for our children, they’re also very susceptible to becoming overwhelmed and overly tired.  Be sure to check in often to get a read on their physical and emotional state.

Best wishes for a joyous and healthy holiday season!

Christine Sheets Nutile lives in the southwest suburbs of Chicago with her husband and their three children.  Much to her surprise, she’s been breastfeeding for over six years – through two pregnancies, hyperemesis and despite the numerous food allergies in her nurslings.  She’s a co-founder of the APChicagoSouth parenting group and offers private consultations and group workshops on babywearing.  Her family practices autodidacticism, also known as child-led learning, a form of home education.