Three MORE Life Lessons for Breastfeeding Mothers

by Joy Davy, MS, LCPC, NCC

Last month I wrote a blog post for Breastfeed Chicago.  The title was “Three Life Lessons for Breastfeeding Mothers.”  Writing that article brought me in touch with some of the things I had learned but had never thought to express.  My years of focusing totally on being a mother, following what we then called “La Leche League philosophy,”  was really a meditative, spiritual path. As I reflect now on what I wrote, I realize there was more.  Thus, I send you this month:  three more lessons.

1.    There is no other.

2.    Hold nothing back.

3.    All you have to offer anyone is your own state of being.

There is no other.

The wisdom of the east teaches us that we are all one on this planet.  The perception of separateness is an illusion.  In many religious traditions, the most important teaching is to love others as one loves oneself.  Maybe all of this seems like mere words until you find yourself in that state of love where you truly are merged with another being.

In pregnancy, caring for yourself literally is the same as caring for another.  What you eat, breathe, and feel…your baby eats, breathes and feels.  And then when you are breastfeeding, that symbiosis continues.  You love with a selflessness that surprises you.  (That’s not to say you never have resentments, frustrations, and awful moods.  But if you are breastfeeding on demand, without pacifiers or supplements, then you are getting the benefit of some mighty mothering hormones that make sure you are feeling some powerful love.)

If this is your first baby, then you are sure of one thing:  you will never love another baby the way you love this one.  If this is your second baby, then you are sure of one thing:  although these two children may be entirely different in almost every way, they are both your heart.

And if you can love two children this much, could you love a third?  How much love is in your heart, anyway?  And when you are “marathon nursing” a teething or sick baby, or a baby who is going through a growth spurt, that powerful prolactin might just convince you that you can really love the whole world.  There is no other. 

Hold nothing back.

As a breastfeeding mother, you learn the rule of supply and demand:  the more you give, the more you have to give.  Now, how deep is that?

You don’t have to hold back from giving, because you will always have more, and more.  This is another lesson that is taught in all the great spiritual traditions.  With your tiny baby, you learn that the more you love you give, the more love you have.

“All you have to offer anyone, ever, is your own state of being.”—Ram Dass

As a young mother, you learn and re-learn this one every single day.  You find out that taking good care of yourself is the same as taking care of your children.

If you are coming from a place of weariness, discouragement and depletion, then that is what you have to offer.  If you are coming from a place of rest, good nutrition, grateful thoughts, and peace of mind, then that is what you have to offer.  Your babies and children have a sixth sense that informs them of your moods and energy levels. They hold the mirror up relentlessly, every day!  For their sake, as well as for your own, you need to practice good self care.

I wasn’t so very young when I became a mother; my first child was born when I was 25.  Nevertheless, I feel that I grew up with my children.  I was being formed, just as they were.  If I’ve written a lot about love in this article, it’s because I remember the overwhelming love, and how it took me by surprise.  But I haven’t forgotten the other feelings:  the boredom, the aggravation, the self-doubts.  I had days when I felt I just wasn’t cut out to be a mother, and I was sure that I didn’t have a clue what I was doing.  Now I know that those are all normal feelings.

Everything that you are experiencing now with your baby is deepening you as a spiritual, thinking, feeling human being.  Just as some aspects of your child are being formed, some aspects of you are also being formed.  The happy moments—and maybe even more deeply, the not-so-happy moments– have meaning and depth.  Let them teach you and lead you.  Trust in the process.  Never forget:  we all screw up. Forgive yourself generously.  Like a child, start each day with hope and high expectations.

Joy Davy is a therapist in Hinsdale, Illinois, focusing on parenting challenges, postpartum depression, and new mothers’ issues.  For 12 years she was a La Leche League Leader, and breastfed all of her 5 children.  She can be reached at 630-935-7915.  Check out her website at http://www.joydavy.com.

Top Ten Things I Learned from Breastfeed Chicago (except that there are 22 things…)

Thank you to the ladies on the Breastfeed Chicago Facebook group for their contributions! In no particular order:

1. Coconut oil apparently can cure ANYTHING.
2. Find a supportive mama tribe – toxic relationships aren’t worth your time.
3. Breastfeeding in public is not only possible; it’s normal!
4. Preemies CAN learn to breastfeed!
5. Twins can too!
6. If your boobs look like they are covered in blood, check to make sure it isn’t just ketchup from lunch.
7. Never quit on a bad day.
8. Trust your baby and trust yourself.
9. You’re not alone.
10. That there are tons of mamas just like me who want to challenge society’s norms of breastfeeding.
11. Toddlers can breastfeed, too!
12. Don’t put limits on your expectations for nursing…do it until it no longer works.
13. When you think you’re the only one with an issue, one of two things will happen: you will find that you are not alone, and you may learn something new in the process.
14. Breastmilk has amazing antibacterial properties!
15. What you pump isn’t an indication of your supply.
16. Read up on “normal” baby sleep – it’s probably not what your grandma or girlfriend is telling you!
17. Your breasts are never empty – you are always making milk.
18. Pumping straight into storage bags will save a ton of time!
19. Keep on keepin’ on and get help if you need it. Perseverance in those early weeks is key!
20. “Put a little breastmilk on it.” Breast milk is to me as Windex is to “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”
21. Side-lying nursing can save your sanity.
22. AND… the number one thing that I’ve learned from Breastfeed Chicago is to never doubt the power of well-informed and supported moms to change the world, because we’re doing it every day.

Entertaining Older Siblings with a Breastfeeding Newborn in the House

We just had our third child in September. Unlike when we had our second, I didn’t have as many worries this time around about how I would care for, feed, entertain and love all the kids at the same time. I had practice and experience about how this was going to work. However, for some parents, having a second baby can be just as daunting and scary as having a first, especially for some breastfeeding mamas – how in the world can I entertain my oldest when my newborn will be attached to my breast?

For us, when we first came home, my husband was in charge of entertaining the boys. He would make sure baby and I were cozy, then he would take the kids on some type of city excursion or a pretend adventure inside our home. This allowed me to get the hang of the breastfeeding thing again, get some rest and a shower so when I was left alone with all three kids I had enough energy to care for all of us. When my husband and the boys were around while I was breastfeeding, we let the boys tickle baby’s feet, see how she latched, helped me burp her, explained to them how she was eating. We wanted them to be comfortable with breastfeeding and experience how nurturing and wonderful it is (our second oldest loves to “feed” his babydoll by putting her up to his chest and our oldest already understands why daddies can’t breastfeed babies).

When my husband had to return to work, we secured help for a few weeks. We commissioned grandma to come over a couple of days a week for a few hours to entertain the boys. We also hired a postpartum doula to come specifically for sibling care, although, when we had our second child, the postpartum doula was for me – to reteach me basic breastfeeding skills, make sure I was getting a shower, food, etc. and watching after our oldest  so I could nap. I didn’t have help every hour of the day, but the help I did have made the transition into mama of three a lot easier.  I know for many, help can be hard to find, or too expensive – but, there are options out there.  For those truly in need, postpartum doulas who need certification sometimes offer volunteer hours or a reduced rate. Teens can be hired on as mother’s helpers. Retired neighbors might love to play with some young folks for an hour or two.

When I felt ready to tackle motherhood of multiple children on my own, I made individual breastfeeding kits for both boys. These kits contained new toys and activities for the kids to do ONLY while I was breastfeeding. I made sure the toys/activities were things they could do without my help. For instance, felt boards, Crayola Washable Markers Coloring Kits, string beads, peg boards, puzzles etc. The boys were excited to get these kits out when they saw me preparing to nurse Libby. I also reserved a special show for them to watch if they didn’t want to play with the kits, or to watch when I knew she needed some quiet time.

A couple of months have passed and the boys don’t use the kits too much anymore; they will either sit beside me for a few minutes while Libby is nursing, sometimes we read a book together while she is eating, or they will run off and do their own thing. Occasionally, I will nurse her in the baby carrier. And, we are also getting out more, so I tend to nurse in public while they are having fun playing.

Breastfeeding a baby while also caring for a toddler and a preschooler isn’t always the easiest, but we are getting the hang of it together.

Here are some helpful websites:

To learn how to nurse baby in a carrier – check this out: http://bwichicagoland.wordpress.com/

To find a postpartum doula: http://www.icappa.net/search/custom.asp?id=438, http://www.dona.org/mothers/find_a_doula.php, http://www.birthlink.com/directory/index.html

Jennifer Adams is a mom of 3 who regularly finds time to have fun – with or without kids! She is a CAPPA Certified Postpartum Doula, Certified Lactation Specialist, and serves on the Board of Breastfeed, Chicago!

Breastfeeding Moms Just Wanna Have Fun

I have heard it all from a variety of people in my life how formula feeding is easier than breastfeeding – especially if you want to have fun. Want to drink a beer? Can’t do it because you are breastfeeding.  You want a night out? Sorry, the babe needs to eat and only you can feed her. You need a break? Sorry…….you can’t, you breastfeed.

Who says you can’t breastfeed and party like a rockstar?

This just isn’t true. When breastfeeding your child, it is just as easy to have fun. A few weekends ago, I put this idea to the test. I was Matron of Honor in my friend’s wedding. Admittedly, I was stressed about how the whole day was going to work. How would I feed her in this extremely tight bridesmaid’s dress? What about all of the days’ activities? She isn’t going to be able to go into the limo (although, my bride friend had no problems with this – I just didn’t see logistically how it would work). How is she going to be during the ceremony and then the reception? However, after some careful planning and help from my husband, we made the day work AND we had fun. I brought my baby with me in the morning. She hung out with the girls while we got our hair and makeup done. My husband then tagged along with us in our car and followed the limo to the church, then to pictures, and then to the reception. When I had to nurse, I employed the other bridesmaids to help unfasten and then refasten my dress.

For the reception, the manager at Rock Bottom let us use his office so I could feed her in private and give her a break from all the noise of the rocking party. After all the speeches, cake cutting, and dances were done, it was time for the real fun. I threw on my Baby K’Tan carrier, put the baby in, and partied on. Beer in hand, my friends and I danced the night away to “Call Me Maybe” and “Everybody Dance Now” (nothing like a little C&C Music Factory!). Was I going to stay up and party until dawn like I used to? No. But, that isn’t because I was breastfeeding, it was because I was a mom. And, am now 35. 36.

Yes, this particular day may not have seemed easy – it did involve planning and a lot of help. For me though, it was easier to bring the baby with me than to worry about how she was doing at home – did I pump enough? Was she taking the bottle? Was she napping without me? And, remember this is an extreme case. Unless you are a wedding planner you are not going to weddings every day. If you need a break and want to get a mani/pedi, a cup of coffee with friends, see a movie, or have an occasional night out with the girls, it takes just as much planning whether you formula-feed or breastfeed.

Here are some helpful tips for having fun:

• Nurse baby right before you leave. If you pump, pump enough for the time you are going to be out. Make sure your caregiver knows how to bottlefeed a breastfed baby. http://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/feeding-tools/bottle-feeding/
• You can bring the baby with and still have fun!! For me, the key to this is babywearing. There are a lot of different options out there to babywear – a lot of the carriers can be pretty stylish. http://www.thebabywearer.com/ I have brought my babies with me while getting manis/pedis. I either babywear or time the appointment around my little one’s naptimes, so she is napping in her stroller while I am getting glam.
• If you want to go to the movies, there are options in the Chicagoland area where there are special screenings for moms and babies. http://www.amctheatres.com/programs/bring-your-baby Or, you just go to the regular showing and bring your baby with you. If you are worried about being discreet, there is nothing more discreet than hanging out in a dark movie theater.
• As far as a beer or a glass or wine? Yes, breastfeeding moms can enjoy some libations!! http://kellymom.com/bf/can-i-breastfeed/lifestyle/alcohol/

Having fun while breastfeeding is not only doable, it’s important!! Remember as a mom, it’s important to take some time for yourself. Taking time for yourself helps you refresh and regroup, ultimately helping you stay healthy and happy.

 

Jennifer Adams is a mom of 3 who regularly finds time to have fun – with or without kids! She is a CAPPA Certified Postpartum Doula, Certified Lactation Specialist, and serves on the Board of Breastfeed, Chicago!

What I Learned About My Own Gut Health Through Breastfeeding Allergic Babies

My firstborn was always a fussy baby, and for most of her first year of life we had no idea why.  She was gassy, never slept for longer than 45 minute intervals, and regularly exploded out of her diapers.  Her stools were frequently greenish and stringy with occasional streaks of blood.  She was sometimes wheezy.  But, aside from these persistent annoyances, was overall a very happy baby who thrived on my breastmilk once we got over our initial challenges.

We got a clue as to one underlying cause of her fussiness when she was about 9 months old.   She had been showing readiness for solids since about 7 months of age, and ate with gusto.  She loved steamed sweet potatoes and mango.  She loved banana.  She loved oatmeal (made with warmed breastmilk, of course!).  But when I tried her with yogurt one day her face blew up in a huge rash!  It was an immediate reaction – everywhere the yogurt had touched her face or hands were red with angry welts.  My daughter was allergic to dairy!  I should have known – her daddy was too when he was a baby.   Thus began my personal journey through learning about allergies and gut health (both mine and my babies), and how they both relate to overall health … and by extension, breastfeeding.

Luckily, my doctor never suggested a trial of partially-hydrolyzed whey or soy-based infant formula, but I know some pediatricians do – despite the fact that the FDA disputes the claim hydrolyzed whey formulas are “hypoallergenic” or should be given to infants with allergy symptoms and that there are several dietetic associations that have raised concerns about the safety of soy-based formulas due to the phytoestrogen content.   I think my doctor knew better than to suggest formula to me – he knew my answer would have been “no.”  Plus, have you seen how much that stuff costs?  It was much cheaper for me to just work towards indentifying and eliminating allergens.  I didn’t have to spend any money to NOT eat something.  And, just because there were 1 or 2 small components in my breastmilk that were irritating my baby, I knew, overall, that my breastmilk had many, many other things that formula just couldn’t provide to her.   Elimination of the allergens from my breastmilk, I knew, would be what would give her the opportunity to truly heal.

This was six years ago, and frankly, there are a lot more resources available now than there were then for understanding that there is a relationship between a mother’s gut health and the behavior and symptoms of her breastfed babies.   Heck, there is a lot more research available now that looks at the links between gut health and our health and behavior in general and how amazing it is!!  I’m not going to pretend to be an expert… I’m not!  And we had a LOT of trial and error along the way.  But, both my daughter and my son turned out to have various allergies and intolerances, and I CAN say for sure that these are the things that helped us the most:

Changing my diet to eliminate the things my babies were allergic to.  Through an elimination diet and then with confirming blood tests for both IgE (immediate reactions) and IgG (delayed response reactions), we eventually figured out my daughter is/was allergic to dairy/soy/eggs and my son had some sensitivities to gluten.   When I eliminated the known allergens from my diet, I saw wonderful changes in their behavior and symptoms.

I won’t lie – living without some of my favorite types of foods sucked.  Birthday parties where there’s nothing on the menu but pizza and buttercreame-frosted cakes were the worst!   I’m really glad we confirmed things with testing through our doctors, though, because giving up those foods and food groups is not easy and I really needed to see in black and white that I was putting myself through the crazy diets for a good reason.   During all of this, I was very careful about continuing to take my prenatal vitamins to ensure I wasn’t depriving myself of necessary nutrients I needed as a nursing mother.  But, the improvement we saw after eliminating was enough to keep me going, and eating a diet rich in healthy foods that are as close to the source as possible (mainly fresh fruits and vegetables, high-quality meats, and low-processed foods like nuts and healthy fats) was and is better for our health anyways.

I learned a lot from both the KellyMom website and La Leche League’s information pages on elimination diets and breastfeeding allergic babies, and our holistically-minded doctor was open to running both IgE and IgG tests for us.*

The second thing I did was I took some time to focus strengthening my own gut health.  I did this both by eliminating allergens for my children and by cleaning up my own diet… but also by the addition of a few things:

• Omega 3 fatty acids – I started taking a daily dose of fish oil supplements since we really don’t eat fish more often than maybe once or twice per week.  We take omega 3 fatty acid supplements because I believe they are good for my heart, my baby’s brain development, settling inflammation in both our bodies, and even keeping postpartum depression at bay.
• Probiotics – There’s a lot of benefit that comes from having a baby and momma with fortified intestinal flora.   Probiotics work by keeping other microorganisms in your system in-check so yeast (read: thrush) and other bacteria (like staph bacteria, which have been linked with mastitis) don’t overgrow in your system and cause issues.   I’m not saying they are a cure, but I am saying there’s a lot of research pointing in the direction of them being a preventative.  Additionally, probiotics boost the immune system, and are good for helping with symptoms of colic too.  When a mom has high levels of helpful flora in her gut, her breastmilk is rich with them, too, so her baby benefits.   We get our probiotics both through cultured milks (like non-dairy keifer) but also through over the counter supplements found at our local health food store’s refrigerator case.
• Fiber – Fiber not only helps keep us regular, it acts like a little sponge in our systems, cleaning up our digestive tracts and helping us flush toxins, waste, and other nasties out of our bodies.  Adults are supposed to be getting 20-35 grams of fiber a day – preferably from raw sources like fruits and veggies.  I started incorporating a bowl of steel-cut oats into my breakfast routine as a way to get some good fiber and protein, and for its reputed benefits in helping milk supply.  We also use chia seeds as another source of dietary fiber.
• Digestive Enzymes– I was probably the most skeptical about these.  I actually didn’t take them with my daughter because I was so wierded-out by them… I mean enzymes??  They put those in my laundry detergent, don’t they?  Why would I want to supplement myself with enzymes?  (Turns out the enzymes in detergent and the enzymes produced by our pancreases are similar in function – they both help “digest” things – but different in type).  And, by the time my son was born and showing similar patterns as my daughter had in terms of symptoms and stooling, I was getting desperate.Also, by that time, I had found the Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine’s Protocol for Allergic Proctocollitis, and also had read Dr. Jack Newman’s Protocol for Colic.  Both sources mention pancreatic enzyme supplementation for moms who are nursing allergic babies.  Knowing that those are very trusted and evidence-based sources of information on breastfeeding, I decided to just try the enzymes and see what happened.Guess what?  They helped the most of any of the changes I made (except, of course, elimination)!   They were most helpful, I think, because they made any accidental exposure to allergens I had – like when we were eating out – less of an issue.  I found an inexpensive plant-derived enzyme blend at my local health-food store.  I chose a broad-spectrum blend that is labeled for helping to digest proteins from dairy/soy/gluten.  It did not contain any HCL or pepsin – only plant-derived enzymes such as proteases (aids protein digestion), amylases (aids starch digestion), and lipases (aids fat digestion).  The brand I found was labeled as formulated for children, so I decided I would be OK with trying them for myself.  I also began eating lots of high-enzyme foods like lacto-fermented veggies – hourray for pickles and sauerkraut! – and fresh (not canned!) pineapple.    Now, I gotta say, I love my enzymes, and now that my kids are older, they love them too.

Allergies and sensitivities just aren’t the major concern around my house that they were several years ago since we’ve taken steps to fortify our gut health and taken the time to heal.  It was not a quick process; it took time to for the inflammation do settle down in all our systems.  And, luckily, none of my children’s reactions were ever severe ones – I never needed to worry about anaphylactic reactions or keeping an EpiPen around.  But, the annoying compounded symptoms (itchiness, tummy troubles, moodiness, diaper rashes, irregular stooling, etc…) that we used to see are things of the past and reactions are minimal and passing if they do occur.  So, what started with a horrible rash on my daughter’s face, ended up in me learning a lot about the importance of maintaining good digestive health for myself and my family.  Hopefully, we’ll all be the healthier for it!
*  Author’s note:  There are lots of different testing methods employed by various practioners to determine what allergens may be causing reactions.  If you ask 30 different moms of allergic children what worked for their family, you will probably get 30 different answers.  Additionally, there are medical studies questioning the accuracy of some blood testing methods– IgG testing in particular.  The IgE/IgG blood testing worked for us given the ages of our children at the time the tests were run, and the symptoms I was observing.  But, by all means, do your own research and determine what testing method might work best for you and your family.

Additional resources:

On Omegas for Nursing Moms: http://www.uppitysciencechick.com/why_bfand_omega_3s.pdf

On Omegas: http://nccam.nih.gov/health/omega3/introduction.htm

On Probiotics: http://nccam.nih.gov/health/probiotics/introduction.htm

On Probiotics and thrush: http://kellymom.com/bf/concerns/child/preventing-thrush/

On Probiotics and mastitis: http://cid.oxfordjournals.org/content/50/12/1551.full

On Probiotics and Baby Colic: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/15/health/15really.html?_r=1&ref=health

On Dietary Fiber: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/002470.htm

 

Elise Fulara is a proud breastfeeding mom of two who lives in the Western suburbs of Chicago with her wonderfully supportive husband.  When she is not wasting time on Facebook, cleaning up after her children, or trying to keep up with her garden, she works part-time as a freelance museum consultant and is also the owner of Sling Savvy, a resource for parents and educators interested in learning about the benefits of simple, fabric baby carriers such as slings and wraps.  She underwent breastfeeding peer-counselor training in 2010 through LLL, and is passionate about mom-to-mom support.  She facilitates breastfeeding and babywearing classes for expectant mothers at Elmhurst Yoga Shala. She would like to thank her mom for breastfeeding her.

How I Ditched the Nipple Shield

As I sit here typing while nursing my son, I think back to just a few short weeks ago at how hard it once was for both me and him. On December 27 my son was born at 7 lbs 12 oz, and was just amazingly beautiful. I held my son to my chest shortly after birth and he suckled for a few short moments then fell asleep. After he returned to me, I kept trying to latch him and he just flat out refused. The nurse came in and tried to help, but she could not get him to latch either.

Before I left the hospital I had to do a New Mom class, in which they asked if you were going to breastfeed, bottlefeed, or both. Out of the seven new mommies, I was the only one who wanted to breastfeed. The nurse told me after I returned to my room that an LC would come in to make sure everything was going okay. That was such a relief to me, because he was not getting the hang of it. She came in a little later, took my son from me, undressed him and shoved him on my boob – which to a first time mom scared the crap out of me! She messed with his little mouth for a few minutes around my nipple and told me he was not a strong enough sucker. To my disbelief, the person who was supposed to help me just broke my heart. I looked at her and asked her what to do, and she said, “Well, you can just keep trying, but you probably should just give him formula to make sure he keeps eating.” FORMULA? Seriously – this coming from an LC. I said okay thank you, and promptly forgot everything she just told me.

As I was worrying about my son not eating, my MIL sat down next to me and reassured me everything was going to be okay. She asked if she could help and I agreed so she took my son in her arms, and was slowly able to latch him on. She did not force my boob in his mouth, or make him scream by undressing him, she simply put him on my chest and let him do it on his own. He was doing it- I was so relieved, yet he again stopped a few moments later. She reassured me everything would turn out okay, and that he probably was not yet hungry anyway.

During my hospital stay I continued to try to get him to latch without success, so when I returned home I was pumping what seemed like every waking moment, and fed him by bottle. We were both in tears almost every night. Then, I came across one of the best groups in the world – Breastfeed, Chicago. A friend of mine who has a little girl only a few weeks younger then my son was part of the group, so I figured it would just give me some added support. I posted what issues I was having and someone suggested a nipple shield. I was confused and a little scared on what that was, and had some awkward images in my head. Yet, I went to Target and found one. We went home, I completely undressed from the waist up, and I was determined for him to figure it out. I placed the nipple shield on and slowly tried to get him to latch, but he still refused.

I continued to pump about 8 times a day, if not more, and tried at least once daily to get him to latch. I would pump for a few minutes to get my milk flowing, so it was not much work for him, tried to latch him, and when that did not work, I would try with the shield. It seemed like he would never figure it out, and I started getting very depressed. I felt like I was not supplying my son with his nutritional needs. My husband came home from work many times to me and our son half naked in our bed, both crying – and me, desperately trying to get him to eat. My husband was such a trooper and would take our son from me, remind me that I was an amazing mother, and would walk away, letting me gather myself together. I started talking about switching to formula because I simply had had enough. I told my husband that if our son didn’t figure out breastfeeding by the time he was 3 months, I was done. I was reading parenting books, talking to other nursing moms that I knew, and would check Breastfeed, Chicago daily. Looking for tips and tricks to get him to latch.

After 11 weeks of trying, my son finally latched with the shield – yet I tried not to get too excited. After 24 hours passed and he still hadn’t needed a bottle, I was officially ecstatic – enough so to call my MIL and my own mom to tell them the amazing news. Yes, he was still using a shield, but he was latching! That meant the world to me. After 6 days of using the shield I was going nuts – trying to remember to take it with me, trying to place it on my nipple when I was half asleep – the thing that made breastfeeding possible for us was starting to wear on me. So, I placed him to my bare nipple, and to my surprise, he latched! I sent a picture to my husband at work, and of course posted on Breastfeed, Chicago almost immediately. Now, a week later, I sit here typing with my son lying across my chest, boob in his hand, eating away. I never though this day would come. I ended up in tears many nights, regretted having to give him a bottle, hating with a passion being confined to the house due to having to pump so often… yet now everything seemed so worth it. Just to simply say I breastfeed my child!

I joke that my son figured out breastfeeding just so he could avoid formula. He and I were determined to make him a boob boy!

I hope you have found this inspiring, and know that to be able to breastfeed your child may not be the easiest thing you will ever do, but is one of the most rewarding things you will ever do.

My name is Diane and I can proudly now say I am a breastfeeding, baby-wearing, cloth diapering mom. I am 21 years old and married to the love of my life, Tyler, and we have one son named James. I have my nursing degree, although that is on pause so I can be a SAHM. My husband is a video game programmer in the city of Chicago. My only goal for my son is to grow up happy and healthy and for us to be able to provide him whatever he wants/needs. However, if you ask his daddy, he would say he wants James to be able to program before he can read!

Editor’s Note: Before you resort to using a nipple shield for yourself, please make sure to talk to a knowledgeable and supportive lactation professional, and read up on all the pros and cons of nipple shields. Find out more here.

Breastfeeding My 10.5 Month Old

Editor’s Note: Special thanks to The Maiden Metallurgist for generously allowing us to repost this piece. Please see the end of the post for additional resources.*

I was talking to my grandma earlier today about our favorite subject- Henry- and breastfeeding came up. Again. My grandma is obsessed with the fact that I am still breastfeeding my boy.

She is a little senile, well, maybe more than a little, so we tend to have the same conversations over and over and over again, and breastfeeding is one of her favorite topics with me. I can understand why, it is something that we can relate completely to one and other about despite our generational differences.

My grandma talls me, every time we talk, that she breastfed my mother for 4 months and my uncle for 8. She always apologizes for only breastfeeding my mom for 4 months, as if I’m somehow judging her and goes on to tell me that my mom bit her so she had to quit. Bear in mind that my mother is 60 years old (sorry for outing you mom), some sort of guilt has lingered with my grandma for 60 years over quitting breastfeeding at 4 months. I always tell her that I think it is great that she breastfed at all, I now know from personal experience that it can be natural and difficult at the same time.

I don’t think my grandma has anything at all to feel guilty about. We know how how good breastfeeding is for babies, but I also think it needs to be a mutually beneficial relationship. Especially because it is such a time intensive undertaking. Breastfeeding is wonderful, probably my favorite thing I’ve ever done, but it also takes a degree of sacrifice and determination, if you are a working mom that is.

When I am home, nursing is so much easier than making a bottle. But work is another story; the time I sacrifice pumping, the worry I expend about my supply, the pain and soreness that a week of pumping leaves my nipples feeling. Despite all that Henry and I aren’t ready to give up.

I’ve talked about my struggle with low supply here, but to sum up, I was pretty desperate.  Breastfeeding is very important to me, and I was struggling to produce enough milk when pumping to feed Henry.  When I nursed him at home I never had a problem, but bodies respond differently to pumps than they do to babies, and I just couldn’t keep up pumping at work.  We are lucky to have a bit of a cushion, a freezer with a decent stash of frozen milk, but I knew that by using that milk my supply would only get worse as my body learned that it didn’t to produce that milk.

I begun supplementing my diet with the galactagogues fenugreek and blessed thistle, drinking extra water, eating extra calories, I did power hours, nursing vacations, breast compressions, I tried a new pump, hand expression, even double pumping to trick my body into thinking it was feeding twins.  Despite all of this I got to a point where I was lucky to pump 5 ounces all day (4 20 minute sessions).  There was only one option I hand’t explored and that was prescription medication.  I made an appointment with my OB and his LC, they agreed I was a good candidate for Domperidone.  My doctor was nervous about potential side effects; it is not FDA approved nor does it have a very high success rate.  But, like I said, I was desperate and willing to give it a try.  Armed with my prescription I ordered it from Canada and now, after 4 weeks I am seeing an amazing improvement.  I went from pumping 5 ounces a day to 15, still not enough to feed my boy when I’m gone, but a huge improvement, and I’ll take what I can get.

At this point I’m letting go of the worry.  We can get to one year.  Henry is still getting almost all of his nutrition from milk, and shows no signs of weaning, so although I planned to give up the pump at 1 year, we’ll keep going as long as we need to.  But I refuse to obsess about it anymore, and use like that, we are back to having that mutually satisfying breastfeeding relationship.

The Maiden Metallurgist is a full time shift working mom in Chicago’s south suburbs.

*We salute all moms with supply issues. As always, Breastfeed, Chicago! encourages moms to talk with their health care provider and their IBCLC about ways to increase milk supply; we do not endorse any particular medications or treatments. “The Breastfeeding Mother’s Guide to Making More Milk” is an excellent resource for moms struggling with supply. Kellymom has several good suggestions, in addition to lowmilksupply.org.

Dear New Mama…

Dear New Breastfeeding Mom,

Imagine I’m sitting next to you on a comfy couch right now. I’m nursing my baby, and you’re nursing yours. Maybe we’re drinking tea, and we are definitely eating chocolate cake.

Congratulations on your new addition! Your life has changed a ton, but let me try to make it a little easier. Your biggest concern will be what every new mom wants to know: is my baby is eating enough? Did your baby poop once on day one? Twice on day two? Three times on day three? At least three times day four and beyond? Yes? Then they are most likely getting enough. Wet diapers, nice plump skin, and lots of poops are all signs of a well-fed baby. See this article for more info.

Let me guess. You’re tired. You’re tired of sharing your body with this little person that you have been sharing with for nine months. You’re tired of feeling like you’re the only person who can comfort your baby. And you’re tired of dealing with everyone telling you how to breastfeed your child when half of them never even breastfed! I get it. I’m tired too, but I will openly admit that I breastfeed because I am lazy.

No really, breastfeeding is the lazy mom’s way of feeling her baby the best food the world has ever seen. Of course, I am sure you read all the statistics and benefits about illness and I.Q., but there are so many more hidden benefits! After the steep learning curve of those first couple weeks (sometimes it takes 6-8 weeks to really get comfortable), you will soon realize how easy it is. One night, I realized I put less effort into feeding my baby than I put into brushing my teeth, and I don’t even have to get out of bed. Now we’re talking!

But what about sleep, you say. Don’t moms who formula feed get more sleep? No, they really don’t. Here’s the proof. No matter what you’re feeding your baby, you will be up in the middle of the night because your baby will be up in the middle of the night, and your baby wants YOU. Learn more about infant sleep patterns here. However, don’t be surprised when your significant other insists to you he was up with the baby all night and got no sleep. You will spend the rest of the night cursing your significant other for snoring when you are trying to sleep in between feedings. At least you know that every new mother in Chicagoland is cursing their partner at the same time.

As baby gets older, baby will sleep longer, but not right away. Until then, take naps with the baby and find ways to minimize the time you are awake at night. Keep baby in your bedroom, learn to side-lie nurse, and keep the lights low when you are awake. Reducing coffee intake will actually help you sleep better (crazy, I know).

The nice thing about breastfeeding is that when your new baby does wake, there is no padding blindly into the kitchen and heating a bottle while settling a starving baby without waking the rest of the house, sitting up to feed the baby, burping the baby (which inevitably wakes him back up), and then resettling him to go back to sleep. By this time, you will be wide awake, and the next day, you have to wash and sterilize the bottles, go to the store to get more formula, and prepare for the next feeding. Whew! A breastfeeding mom does not even have to get out of bed. Most of the time, I am feeding my baby before he even knows he is awake! You will also have a free hand to surf Facebook (the Breastfeed, Chicago! group, of course) or check e-mails on your smart phone while your baby is getting his midnight snacks. Breastfed babies have healthy sleep patterns because they are following their natural instincts. Trust that your baby is doing what he needs to do.  Many breastfeeding moms also report feeling better rested and mentally healthier than formula-feeding moms.

Remember that “lazy mom” idea? Well, it continues well past the infant stage. Breastfed babies have a lower risk of asthma, diabetes, allergies, infection, and obesity. Yay for fewer doctor visits and medications! Your child is constantly getting antibodies from your milk so you may also be able to avoid giving him antibiotics, especially when everyone else in the house is sick. Moms get long-term benefits too with lower risk of heart disease, cancer, and faster post-partum weight loss. Another lazy bonus: 500 plus calories burned a day and NO exercise needed!

Oh, what’s that you say? Your hubby/partner/mother-in-law/best friend is dying to feed the baby, and what’s the harm in a little formula? You think you might get a little extra sleep in, right? Get the ‘ole MIL off your back? Don’t do it. You need to build up your milk supply right now. You need to “teach” your breasts to produce enough milk for your baby. “Supply and demand” is not just for Economics 101.

Speaking of money, let’s talk about the money you’re going to save by breastfeeding.  Breastfeeding your baby means less time working to pay for formula. Think of yourself as a cash cow… literally. My son has a dairy and soy intolerance. If he were on formula, it would surely be the very expensive elemental type that is triple a regular can of formula. Since breastfed babies get sick less often, we are save $$ on co-pays and medications, too. If you really want to get into pennies and cents, you are saving money on electricity by not using the microwave, lights in the middle of the night, dishwasher, dish soap, water, and drying racks. You don’t need a $200 pump, specials bras, and special clothes to breastfeed!

Setting aside all these great reasons to breastfeed, the most important benefit to breastfeeding is that bond I have with my child. We both look forward to our time together. I always have a reason to take my son and say, “He must be hungry!” No one can argue with you – after all, a baby needs to eat! I have an excuse to lay down with my baby several times a day and enjoy him as he is. He will not be this way forever, but for now I have the perfect excuse to be “lazy”.

Sincerely,

A Fellow Breastfeeding Mom

Melissa Nordwall is a first time mom to a baby boy born August 10, 2011. After struggles with newborn weight loss, jaundice, cow milk protein intolerance and elimination diet, and reflux, my son and I are exclusively breastfeeding. As an RN and breastfeeding mom, I have found a new passion to encourage others to breastfeed.

Enlightenment and Healing

Nine years ago my son was born. Nine weeks premature and weighing just over three pounds, I was thrown into the world of NICUs, breast pumps, and doctor visits. When my pregnancy came to an end, my grieving began. I didn’t realize it as grieving right away—I was far too numb from the whole experience to have any true concept of what I was going through—but as life began to balance out and I came up for air, I recognized a feeling of loss and began to examine it.

My first thought was that I was grieving over the loss of the last two months of my pregnancy and the “normal” birth experience I had so wanted to have—and that was perhaps part of it. But as the first year of my son’s life picked up speed and life began to fill in the gaps left by the gradual disappearance of hospital visits and baby gifts and concerned phone calls from family and friends, I began to recognize a loss that did not stem from the circumstances surrounding my son’s birth so much as the loss of the entire relationship I had hoped—expected—to have.

Because my son was born nine weeks premature, within a few hours of his birth I had started to use a breast pump to initiate and maintain my milk supply. It had never been a question of whether I wanted to breastfeed, but after the birth of my son it became a question of whether I would be able to. An endless cycle of breastfeeding, bottle feeding, and expressing quickly consumed my days, and two months into my son’s life, the stress of that exhausting routine, the experience of having a preemie, the preeclampsia that affected my own health, and a father who was dying from cancer, took their toll and I couldn’t continue on any further. Shortly after my son’s due date, recognizing I had to make a change, I committed myself to exclusively pumping for my son and tried to make peace with the fact that breastfeeding wasn’t going to be part of our lives.

The loss that I felt as a result of not breastfeeding took me by surprise. No one tells you that you will experience grief. No one tells you that it hurts. No one tells you the sense of regret you will experience when you think back to those early days of your child’s life and you question the “what ifs” that might have made things different.

But this is not a story of grief and sadness; instead it is a story about enlightenment and healing.

My experience with my son taught me the importance of relationship. He taught me that what we do matters and how we do it matters. He taught me that I have an inner maternal instinct that is to be trusted, nurtured, and valued. He taught me that life is a continuum and that mothering starts long before a baby is born and will continue long after our children leave our homes. He taught me that process matters and what happens before will affect what happens after. These lessons weren’t learned easily, and many of them weren’t learned in time to benefit my son and I. Our relationship has been built on struggle and common challenges, and we continue to conquer those challenges together, trying to repair the lost relationship we both so desperately desired when he was born.

Not being able to breastfeed my son was a loss: a loss for both of us. I have come to understand that our biology has expectations, just as we do, but those biological expectations are far more important than my own personal expectations. They are based on centuries, and maybe even millennia, of genetic heritage. To try to circumvent those biological expectations can only result in an imbalance and leave us feeling loss. I grieved the lost breastfeeding relationship with my son, just as I grieved the normal birth experience, not because it was what I had expected or wanted, but because it was what my biology expected.

Two and a half years later, I stared at a positive pregnancy test and was surprised that the first thought to pop into my head was: “I wonder if I’ll be able to breastfeed this baby?” Emotions that I thought I had examined and dealt with and discarded after my experience with my son came flooding back to me. And at that moment my journey of healing began, ushered in by my new baby, my daughter.

As is often the case, my second pregnancy was entirely different than my first and I was entirely different as well. Certainly I now had experience as a mother, but I also carried with me the hurt and fear resulting from my first breastfeeding experience. While I had infinitely more knowledge about “normal” birth and lactation, I also had insecurities and mistrust relating to my body and my body’s ability to do what it was supposed to do. It didn’t work the way it was supposed to the first time, so why should I think it would all work out the second time? As those nine months progressed, I devoured everything I could about the normal birth process and breastfeeding from a biological perspective and decided to commit myself to trusting my body. Faith can be both scary and freeing, and I gave myself to it entirely.

My re-education about breastfeeding challenged social attitudes about mothering and babies. I learned to question my knowledge and strove to focus on breastfeeding practices that were biologically sound. When my daughter was born I ensured that she was placed on my chest immediately and we enjoyed more than an hour of quiet time getting to know each other before she was weighed and cleaned. She latched for the first time within the first half hour and stayed with me, often in my bed, for our entire hospital stay. She nursed frequently and eagerly. Things seemed to be going well. And then upon our arrival home, those familiar worries and fears set in.

Nothing really was going wrong; my daughter was over her birth weight by five days of age, after a bit of initial soreness we seemed to get into a routine that was working well, but yet I clung to the past, worried that things weren’t as good as they seemed and that certainly my body was going to fail me yet. For the first month of my daughter’s life, I worried every time she cried that it was something I was doing, that my milk wasn’t sufficient, or that for some reason things were not as good as they seemed. All the usual newborn issues were, in my mind, somehow connected to my ability to breastfeed and mother. Her cries or fussiness would bring back the overwhelming memories of my experience with my son and my emotions continually churned. Eventually, I decided enough was enough and I returned to that place of faith I had been in before my daughter was born.

And neither my body nor my daughter disappointed.

Once I relaxed into the relationship with my daughter and put my trust in both my body’s ability to provide for her and her ability to know when and how much she needed to nurse, I entered a period of ease. I finally recognized the power my body holds and the empowerment that can come through the process of birth and breastfeeding. I recognized that my body is capable and strong and nurturing. And I recognized that in our society we often are given information, advice, and practices that are in direct competition with our biology.

In order to allow our biology to do what it needs to do, we often need to question the influence of our society and in some cases put it aside in favour of biology. In retrospect, I can see the influences of society greatly affected my breastfeeding relationship with my son. It saddens me that I was unable to breastfeed him as I had wanted, but I also recognize that I only did what I knew to do at the time. Ultimately, my experience with my son brought about the enlightenment I needed to breastfeed my daughter and that experience has influenced my life since he was born.

Breastfeeding my daughter was a relationship—is a relationship. She weaned just a couple months after her third birthday, but the closeness that we enjoyed from our nursing relationship is still very much part of our lives today two years later. Being able to participate in that relationship helped me to heal the lingering hurts from the experience with my son. It returned to me the ability to trust my body and the process and to ultimately have faith in something outside of myself.

While at times it does sadden me that my son and I did not enjoy the same relationship as my daughter and I did, I remind myself that the relationship between a nursing mother and baby benefits everyone surrounding them. My son was very much part of the nursing relationship with my daughter, witnessing the love and closeness of our relationship but also being a part of it as we would sit and chat while his sister nursed. The healing brought about by breastfeeding was not just my own; it also helped my son witness that important relationship that he was unable to experience for himself, and I have no doubt he will carry it with him into his adulthood and into the relationship with his own children.

Stephanie Casemore has experienced breastfeeding as a challenge, a gift, and a healing experience. She exclusively pumped for a year for her first child and nursed her second child for three years. Turning the challenges into a positive as an opportunity to support other mothers, Stephanie shares her experience through her books:  Breastfeeding, Take Two: Successful Breastfeeding the Second Time Around and Exclusively Pumping Breast Milk: A Guide to Providing Expressed Breast Milk for Your Baby.

Our Favorite Breastfeeding Advice

This week’s post is all about our members. Members of our Facebook group were asked how long they’ve been breastfeeding and their favorite words of wisdom. We want to emphasize that there is no “right” length of time to breastfeed your baby – everyone takes their own journey, but every journey is a lot more fun when you have supportive and encouraging people around you.

Thanks, everyone!

• AN: Just say no!!!
  Your baby won’t starve while you are getting tended to after birth…even if you had a c section. Insist on NO bottles and baby will latch! I don’t think this is scientifically proven but many many moms who’s babies were given bottles in the first 4 weeks had bfing issues (including me with my first) 1st baby 10 months…fought til the very last drop
  2nd baby…10 months and going strong!!!
• CC: 1 child; nursed for 32 months, and counting. Best advice: You are enough for your child – there isn’t always one way to get the job done, every mom and baby are as unique as individuals and use Lansinoh before and after feedings and pumping.

• JPY: 2 children… #1 – severe supply issues nursed 8 months (supplementing the entire time)… LC didn’t think I’d ever make it that long. boy did I prove her wrong! #2 – going on 6 months EBF on the 17th! The most helpful advice was to feed baby where ever & whenever. Don’t postpone feedings when baby just comes home from hospital b/c you have company or b/c someone wants to hold the baby and try to calm them when you know they want to nurse.
• EL: I’m nursing my second now.. 22 months old. When I first started, tho, I had a nursing epiphany when I learned (at LLL meetings) that cluster feeding in the evenings didn’t mean I was out of milk, and that nursing was something I could do in my sleep… When I was taught how to nurse side-lying. Both of these things helped me to just relax and have confidence in myself.

• BB: “Never quit on a bad day” helped me.
• WOS: 2 children, #1 was nursed 27 months (though she would’ve liked to nurse longer!), had a lot of issues in the beginning (baby was in the NICU her first four days, so she was given formula, I was encouraged to pump but my milk did not come in until she got home, so whenever I tried to nurse in the NICU she would scream and get frustrated). We had some rocky weeks (as I refused to use formula when we got home) and I used a nipple shield for the first six months (not recommended by LC but I did what I could to make it happen). Be patient and keep on chugging away at it (and with the help of professionals and determination) you can BF, even if you do get off to a rocky start! #2 has been nursing for 10 months and counting!!!
• TL: I am on baby #2 and have been nursing for almost 4 years straight (dec 27th is my first 4 year bday) I never thought I’d make it past 3 months and I can’t believe I am tandem nursing an almost 4 year old and a 10 month old! The most helpful advice I received was to take it one day at a time and if baby is happy and having wet diapers baby is getting enough!
• Kristin P: My little man is 27 mo, and we are going strong with nursing!! He was EBF his first 15 mo of life, and continues to nurse every 2 hours or so – definitely never goes longer that 3 hours without his ‘yummies’! The best advice I received was to follow my babe’s cues/lead for feeds, not the clock or schedule. I read that advice in the Dr. Sears Baby Book that my doula recommended. Other invaluable advice was that bedsharing is a wonderful way to establish breastfeeding – also from Dr. Sears. I was already following Aubrey’s lead, and bedsharing, but it was really empowering and validating to read his words.
• JSS: #1 breastfed for 15 months, #2 is still breastfeeding at 13 months. They didn’t overlap. Best advice was that babies go through growth spurts every couple of weeks where they’ll want to nurse more – just stick with it and let them nurse as much a they want to. They’re not starving, and your milk supply will catch up.
• MS: Daughter nurses still at 3.5 years and son is 9 months old and obviously still nursing. The best advice…trust you body and its ability to nourish your child, not only physically but emotionally.
  My daughter is a testament to that. When I ask her why she still wants to nurse (once a day) she tells me that “I nurse because I love you and I like nursing.” To me, weaning just because someone says to wean at a certain time doesn’t make sense.

• Karaleigh: 10.5 months- drink LOTS of water, be patient and enjoy every moment of it.
• BP: Six months for my six month old daughter. For us, the best advice was skin to skin contact and laid back nursing. And I’ve so appreciated having a good breastfeeding friend to laugh with for plugged ducts, and other challenges as they come up!
• NLR: Between the three of them 6 years. (omg lol) Best I’ve got is don’t give up. Get help if you need it. It will get easier. #2 had a really rough start. Things did not level out for about 8 weeks. (So much pain, bleeding, screaming & crying; not just him haha) Once he and I got the hang of it, it was great. Went 25mos. If you have a c-section, you CAN most definitely nurse your baby minutes after birth. I had my younger two in my arms as soon as I was stitched up and in recovery. They were never more than a few feet away from me. Don’t let them tell you otherwise.
• Renee: 38month old still nursing and tandeming with his almost 3 month old brother. Best advice I ever got was to just relax. Stop and take it easy. Take a deep breath and watch as it all works out
• Mirjam: 29 months…stick with it. Breastfeeding can be hard in the first few weeks, but when the two of you figure it out, sharing those moments of peace and silent connection are going to be worth any amount of work that you had to put into it.
• MMV: All four of mine were EBF…#1 was 16 months and self weaned (I was not ready for her to stop!), #2 was a little over 24 months, #3 was also a little over 24 months, and #4 is 26 months and counting. Best advice was nursing on demand and also that even though nursing is the most “natural” thing to do, you and baby still need to work a little to figure it out! My mom also gave me the book “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding” which was helpful since I never went to any classes or groups. Also, I agree with the c-section comments…my four were born by c-section and it did not prevent me in any way from nursing
• Rowkeena: ‎19 months..Don’t give up when they start teething. You and your baby will form a communication where they understand that biting hurts. If you want the good stuff, no biting!
• Brandy: 32 months combined, and still going. See a lactation consultant for breastfeeding advice, not a pediatrician!!!
• Beth: 22 months and counting. The best advice I got came before my son was born. A friend told me that it’s okay for it not to feel natural at first and that it is hard at the start. She encouraged me to take a class before my son was born. My husband and I did just that, we took a class with a lactation consultant about 3 weeks before he was born. Looking back, I really wonder if I would have made it without that advice.
• AR: Don’t quit on your hardest day.

  (nursing #2 nearly 8 months & going strong, #1 only 10 weeks. )
• EN: In our 26th month of breastfeeding, the best advice I’ve received is not to worry about the future yet. Most of our concerns about the future will be resolved or become non-issues by the time they arrive, whether it’s nursing with teeth, supply after introducing solids, nursing during pregnancy, or weaning. Don’t waste your energy worrying about possible concerns; instead, focus on the present and enjoy today.
• CS: #1 for 11mo and #2 8.5 mo and counting – best advice I can give is make breastfeeding the only option, we couldn’t afford formula and I wanted to breastfeed with our first anyway, but even though it hurt and she was tongue-tied (fixed at her 1week weigh in) I never even thought to give her anything other than my milk. If you know it’s your only option, it’s a lot easier to stick with it! (sometimes it still hurts, but I’d rather be in a little pain and give my kids the best start I can than the alternative!)
• JM: 15 months. Most helpful advice (from my daughter herself): “boob!” surprisingly (or not) I received a lot of unhelpful advice
• IKK: One boy, 27 months old, still nursing. Even when the kids around him are sick for a week or two with bad colds, he always got over them in about 48 hours, with a little increased nursing. Best advice? O my! Where do I start? First of all, most (almost all) hospitals are NOT baby/breastfeeding friendly. So keep your baby near you as much as possible, maybe even the whole time and do skin-to-skin and nurse non-stop to help your milk come in. Especially if you had any interventions during the birth, it might take a little longer for the little one to latch, etc. Don’t let anybody intimidate you. One nurse kept telling me that my son was going to get cold having him skin-to-skin (because I kept taking his onesie off – even though he was UNDER the blanket with me). But he did not. And he did nurse. Another big thing is: get support. Be around other nursing mommies. Whether it’s LLL or just some friends, it’s so important to have someone to share your questions, joys, and sometimes frustrations. It’s all part of the journey and the last thing you need is somebody suggesting that “stop nursing” would end all your issues. And lastly, always remember, this is the relationship between YOU and YOUR CHILD, nobody else. This is one thing you share, unique to you two, special, magical, amazing and FOREVER – nobody can take that away. And nursing is part of that relationship, so when you are having a hard day, follow your heart, look into your babies eyes and do what you feel is best. Trust yourself.
• SSK: #1 bf for 12 months, #2 for 18 months, #3 for 27 months, and # 4 and am still bfeeding strong at 20+ months (while going to school full time). So that is a total of 77 months, so far… I unfortunately received no advice with my first, but had read every book out there (11+ years ago) and it happened to come naturally to both of us:) Recently many friends have had first babies and have called on me to help with breastfeeding (which I love and do). The best advice I give them is to relax and not get frustrated too soon, keep at it and call if they need anything anytime! It is not “easy” or “natural” for everyone and takes a lot of dedication in the first several weeks!
• Mirjam: Do you know what is so interesting? Reading all of these posts makes it really clear how much of a learning curve is involved in breastfeeding! Nearly everyone who has posted, myself included, breastfed their second child longer than their first, and the third longer than that. Which again kind of echoes what many mamas have said – breastfeeding is a learned behavior, both for you and your baby, and it is important to see it as that so you don’t get frustrated if you falter at first.
• MH: 20 month First Son, 22 month Second Son -  Get through the first month of breastfeeding and it gets easier, in general. I had no guidance about breastfeeding just thought it would be easier and cheaper than formula. Advice: “try not to listen to people’s opinion about how long to breastfeed – short or long, only a mom/child knows what is appropriate.”
• Beth M.: 49 months and counting (14m with #1, 19m with #2 and 16m with #3). Best Advice?? Just relax…your body knows what to do.
• HHL: 2 kids- I breastfed the first for 11 months(and pumped and bottle fed breastmilk until 12 months) and am currently still nursing my 16 month old. I’d say the best advice I received and not until the second was to ignore the clock and feed on demand. I spent so much time recording feedings and EVERYTHING else the first time around and the second time I wrote down NOTHING and life was so much easier. I truly think a huge part of breastfeeding success is surrounding yourself with like minded mamas. It can really feel like an uphill battle when you tell someone about a nursing issue and their response is why don’t you just stop, you’ve done it long enough vs. receiving a sympathetic ear and good ideas and options to give you the support needed to continue. Sometimes all you need to keep you going is for someone to tell you, “I’ve been there” and that’s hard to receive if you don’t know other moms who have nursed and are nursing.
• DS: One little lady still breastfeeding (she’s 46 mos.) and one on the way; best advice — I definitely 2nd Brandy  — unless you have a dream pediatrician, go with the lactation consultant’s advice (or now, the advice you get here! Second best — trust yourself and your mothering instincts always!
• ERM: Wasn’t able to nurse my 12 month old twins but have been PROUDLY nursing my 6 week old since she was less than an hour old. BEST advice I received (which I didn’t get until last week) was to NOT even think about a pump or pumping for at least the 1st 6 weeks. It just adds too much pressure and stress. Just nurse, nurse, nurse and get that relationship down. If baby is thriving then you know you have an adequate supply. I highly recommend a trip to Jill Rabin in Northbrook also. =)
• KCS: Child number one, age 5, nursed two weeks past his 4th birthday. The twins are three and still nursing. I nursed all three for 2 years.
• ECH: 16 months or so with my first, 5 weeks so far with this new baby. The best advice I received was if you were missing nursings because you were busy, spends the weekends in bed nursing. It helped me to work full time, pump, and continue the nursing relationship.
• NW: I’ve been breastfeeding for 3 months, and plan to keep going onto 12. Determination and the bond kept me going. The day that we had an 8am dr appt, we were outside waiting for the doors to open and he was hungry, so I fed him in my car, and he looked up at me with milk all over his face and gave me one of the first smiles I’d seen. Best advice was skin-to-skin contact, it helped me within hours of some nipple confusion. But I’m lucky enough to have a generally easy breastfeeding relationship with my son.