Breastfeeding Moms Just Wanna Have Fun

I have heard it all from a variety of people in my life how formula feeding is easier than breastfeeding – especially if you want to have fun. Want to drink a beer? Can’t do it because you are breastfeeding.  You want a night out? Sorry, the babe needs to eat and only you can feed her. You need a break? Sorry…….you can’t, you breastfeed.

Who says you can’t breastfeed and party like a rockstar?

This just isn’t true. When breastfeeding your child, it is just as easy to have fun. A few weekends ago, I put this idea to the test. I was Matron of Honor in my friend’s wedding. Admittedly, I was stressed about how the whole day was going to work. How would I feed her in this extremely tight bridesmaid’s dress? What about all of the days’ activities? She isn’t going to be able to go into the limo (although, my bride friend had no problems with this – I just didn’t see logistically how it would work). How is she going to be during the ceremony and then the reception? However, after some careful planning and help from my husband, we made the day work AND we had fun. I brought my baby with me in the morning. She hung out with the girls while we got our hair and makeup done. My husband then tagged along with us in our car and followed the limo to the church, then to pictures, and then to the reception. When I had to nurse, I employed the other bridesmaids to help unfasten and then refasten my dress.

For the reception, the manager at Rock Bottom let us use his office so I could feed her in private and give her a break from all the noise of the rocking party. After all the speeches, cake cutting, and dances were done, it was time for the real fun. I threw on my Baby K’Tan carrier, put the baby in, and partied on. Beer in hand, my friends and I danced the night away to “Call Me Maybe” and “Everybody Dance Now” (nothing like a little C&C Music Factory!). Was I going to stay up and party until dawn like I used to? No. But, that isn’t because I was breastfeeding, it was because I was a mom. And, am now 35. 36.

Yes, this particular day may not have seemed easy – it did involve planning and a lot of help. For me though, it was easier to bring the baby with me than to worry about how she was doing at home – did I pump enough? Was she taking the bottle? Was she napping without me? And, remember this is an extreme case. Unless you are a wedding planner you are not going to weddings every day. If you need a break and want to get a mani/pedi, a cup of coffee with friends, see a movie, or have an occasional night out with the girls, it takes just as much planning whether you formula-feed or breastfeed.

Here are some helpful tips for having fun:

• Nurse baby right before you leave. If you pump, pump enough for the time you are going to be out. Make sure your caregiver knows how to bottlefeed a breastfed baby. http://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/feeding-tools/bottle-feeding/
• You can bring the baby with and still have fun!! For me, the key to this is babywearing. There are a lot of different options out there to babywear – a lot of the carriers can be pretty stylish. http://www.thebabywearer.com/ I have brought my babies with me while getting manis/pedis. I either babywear or time the appointment around my little one’s naptimes, so she is napping in her stroller while I am getting glam.
• If you want to go to the movies, there are options in the Chicagoland area where there are special screenings for moms and babies. http://www.amctheatres.com/programs/bring-your-baby Or, you just go to the regular showing and bring your baby with you. If you are worried about being discreet, there is nothing more discreet than hanging out in a dark movie theater.
• As far as a beer or a glass or wine? Yes, breastfeeding moms can enjoy some libations!! http://kellymom.com/bf/can-i-breastfeed/lifestyle/alcohol/

Having fun while breastfeeding is not only doable, it’s important!! Remember as a mom, it’s important to take some time for yourself. Taking time for yourself helps you refresh and regroup, ultimately helping you stay healthy and happy.

 

Jennifer Adams is a mom of 3 who regularly finds time to have fun – with or without kids! She is a CAPPA Certified Postpartum Doula, Certified Lactation Specialist, and serves on the Board of Breastfeed, Chicago!

Separating the parenting myths from the realities

If you are pregnant with your first baby, you might have heard that you can’t really prepare for the experience of parenthood.  Sure, you can (and should) take all the classes, the childbirth prep, newborn care, breastfeeding 101, etc, and you can check all the items off of your registry, but is that really preparation?  If you have already had your first baby, you may or may not remember all the preconceived expectations you had about what it would like once your baby was born.  Once we get over the initial shock of how reality is vastly different from our expectations, some are able to move on and forget what we thought it would be like.  Others take a bit longer to mourn the loss of those expectations.  Either way, in my experience working with countless new parents, most are quite shocked about how different life really is once parenthood hits for real.

In my work, I hear a wide variety of reactions from new moms about what those early days of parenthood are like and how they had thought things would be different.  Here are some of the common themes:

• “I expected that when I saw my baby for the first time, it would be love at first sight and I would instantly have a connection with her.”  The reality is that a newborn baby interacts very little other than to express its needs for food, changing and comfort from the world that is vastly different from life in utero.  For the first 6-8 weeks, your baby doesn’t even smile at you.  Until those smiles come, it is hard to know that your baby even recognizes all the hard work and effort you are putting into keeping her alive.  You do a lot of “giving” in those early weeks and not a lot of getting back unless you consider all you get back in spit up and poops.  Although the rewards come later (and they will come, I promise), many moms are disappointed that it isn’t immediate or that they don’t feel that media-hyped sense of baby bliss and joy.  The truth is that you will develop that connection with your baby as the two of you grow together and get to know each other, but sometimes it takes time.
• “I plan to take my baby where ever I go and my lifestyle won’t change a bit.”  Some babies fill the role of “schlep-along-baby” better than others.  Much of this is due to your child’s temperament.  Some babies are happy to go wherever, chilling quietly, looking pretty in their carseat while others may hate the car, scream when you put them in the carseat, and complain when there is a raucous going on.  But whether your lifestyle changes may not be entirely related to whether your baby is accommodating to how you used to live your life.  Some of it may be due to the fact that the things that you found enjoyable or that you wanted to devote your time to are no longer as important as being with your child.  Nights out with the girls until 2am or all day work retreats no longer rank as high on your priority list of things you want to be doing with your time.
• “I will instinctually know how to be a mom.”  We all know that there is know manual for parenthood, but many of us come into it thinking that we will know what are the best decisions to make from day one.  Even if you have life experience that puts you in direct contact with newborn babies, it is always different when it is your own child.  There are going to be times when you have no idea what you are doing.  That’s okay.  Your child is figuring you out just as much as you are figuring her out.  It takes time.  Those parenting instincts develop as you grow to know your child and what she expects from you as a parent.  No matter what all the books (that really just contradict each other) say, there is no one right way to be a parent.  It is about gaining confidence and coming to know that what you decide for your child is what is best for your family even if it does not fit 100% within a particular “philosophy.”
• “Breastfeeding is the most natural way to feed my baby, so it should be easy.”  From my perspective, this is one of the most wide-spread misconceptions of motherhood.  Yes, women have been breastfeeding their babies since the beginning of time but in a culture where we don’t witness our mothers/aunts/sisters/cousins/neighbors breastfeeding with regularity and frequency, it often ends up being much harder then we expected.  Certainly there are a lot of incredible experts available to help if you are struggling (and you should call one if you are having trouble breastfeeding), but breastfeeding is largely something that women in the United States do in isolation.  We don’t have the constant support of other mothers around us as our cheering section or personal guides to tell us what is normal and what isn’t.  This can lead to weeks and months of pain, frustration, depression and feelings of guilt.  Finding a community (whether it is in person or online) of other mothers to share your breastfeeding concerns can be extremely beneficial.

Linda Szmulewitz is on the board of directors of Breastfeed Chicago.  She is a licensed clinical social worker and developer/group facilitator/owner of The Chicago New Moms Group, a 6 week educational and supportive program for first time moms of babies ages 0-6 months old.  She is the mom of two exclusively breastfed children, now ages 7 and 4.  

 

Two Breasts for Two Babies, Part One: Breastfeeding Newborn Twins

Can You Breastfeed Twins?:  YES!

So all of a sudden you have these two babies out of your womb and you are responsible for their nourishment.  Sure you tried to prepare, but you really can’t ever be ready for the craziness that now is your life.  Can you even breastfeed them? Will your body produce enough?  Will you be able to keep up physically and mentally?  Will you ever sleep again?  The feedings are constant, you are exhausted and you are feeling completely isolated.  But you aren’t alone. You can do it.  I know it can be done, because I did it too.

When my babies were tiny, I looked online for photos of moms holding their multiple babies in nursing positions.  It helped a lot to actually see how it could work and as my twin girls grew, I used many of those positions.  I also was encouraged by reading other stories of successes and challenges.  This is my story.

You Mean There’s More Than One Baby?: The Preparation

I always planned to breastfeed.  My mom did, even in the days when it wasn’t as common in the States.  When I learned we were actually having twins, that plan didn’t change. If anything, it made more sense to breastfeed because of the money we would save on formula for two and potentially on future medical expenses.   However, I was apprehensive since a lot of the twin moms I talked to, for one reason or another, weren’t able to breastfeed long—if at all—so I felt I was in new territory.

I feel really lucky that we made it through the challenges, because there WERE times when I was just so tired and frustrated and wanted to give up.  However, I was determined and knew if we could just push through, it would work out.  I did have support, which makes a big difference and lining that up is crucial.  My husband was on board from the beginning, our extended family helped with the process (my parents and in-laws all had turns washing the pump), friends were supportive and the Moms of Multiples group I joined was a great resource as well as other online groups.  Dr. Barbara Luke’s book When You’re Expecting Twins, Triplets or Quads was excellent during pregnancy, but the chapter on feeding the babies after they are born was much too short.

The multiples birthing class we took didn’t prepare us in the way I would have liked.  I think practicing positions with dolls would have been a useful exercise.  It covered breastfeeding, but no one REALLY gives you the scoop on how to manage two babies and the physicality of it all.  While it’s different for all women, no one really tells you that it feels like knives down your breasts during let-down for the first month or two and that your nipples will get stretched to the point that they would shock everyone in a wet t-shirt contest, or that you might get bitten, or that you will probably squirt milk everywhere as you fumble to feed your babies, or that you get stimulated by other babies crying, or that you might still leak for up to a year or more after weaning, or that sleep deprivation is a form of torture.

Still, our bodies are amazing that they do prepare for this natural and wonderful process of providing everything your baby, or babies, needs. I remember dried colostrum when I was only a few months pregnant as well as the tenderness in my breasts as they prepared for the adjustment to an experience that can be described as a piranha attack by my voracious eaters.

My body may have been getting ready, but mentally I could never have imagined how exhausting it would be. And I could have given up, but I didn’t.  For that, I am proud.

C-Section and Breastfeeding Twins: Football Hold

I wanted a vaginal birth.  However, at 37 weeks, we had to induce labor.  After 22 hours of labor, I had developed a fever and the doctor recommended taking them out the way many multiples are delivered, via C-section.

The nurses gave the babies to me for their first feeding in the combination hold (one cradle and one football hold).  One baby latched immediately and with force and the other, while she took a minute, figured it out pretty quickly.  I definitely was relieved that there were no immediate issues with nursing, as I know this isn’t always the case. 

In post-partum, we had the babies go to the nursery so we could rest but had them brought back for feedings because I did have colostrum.  After a few days, however, my colostrum wasn’t enough and the babies got really hungry so I ended up having to give them formula per the suggestion of a nurse. I was pretty upset about that as I didn’t want them to have a bottle yet, but it was either that or they starve, so I was told.  I wish I knew before that incident that I could request a nurse change.  While the formula did give the babies more energy, I felt incompetent that I couldn’t provide everything for my kids.  I kept pumping at the hospital, though, to give them what I could and to help encourage my milk to come in.  The babies transitioned pretty easily between the breast and the bottle and, in the end, we only needed to supplement with formula for about a week.

With a C-section, we were able to stay in the hospital longer and get help from the nurses, which we wouldn’t have had otherwise, and my milk did come in so we were able to get support from the lactation consultant there as well.  Once at home, I called a lactation consultant for a visit and was reassured that I was doing okay.  I highly recommend utilizing the resources available to you early on as there is a learning curve for mommy and baby/babies.

At home at the very beginning, I was simultaneously feeding most of the time as it is generally recommended to try to get both babies on the same schedule so you can get longer stretches of rest.  I favored the double football hold as there was no pressure on the incision as I healed, but later nursed in a variety of positions.  Using boppies and a bunch of pillows helped protect the incision and support the babies.  The first few months especially are about survival for all of you, so if feeding on a schedule doesn’t work for you, then do whatever makes you more sane.  Once you figure out how to nurse lying down, you can snooze and it might be easier to feed on demand at night this way and then feed at the same time during the day.   If your breast is too full and big to comfortably nurse lying down, you can try putting a small pillow under your infant’s head to raise it up to the same level.  This nursing position might save your life, so do what you can to make it work.

Some parents of twins do shifts where one parent responds to the kids for the first part of the night (or alternate nights) and if it’s the dad, gives a bottle of pumped milk.  Some wake the dad up to do burping or to bottle feed one, but then everyone is miserable.  Some hire a night nanny (if you can afford it, it totally is worth it).  The nights at the beginning are so hard and time blurs together in one long repetitive routine, but it will get easier. Just hang in there.

My Thoughts on Pumping: Do It

And start right away.  It encourages your milk to come in and helps establish a strong supply at the beginning. Plus, it lets other people help you out!  Once you are home, you can take a break and get out, though you still need to pump so you don’t really get a break.  And, if your twins are born early, pumping still provides them with the best nutrition, your breastmilk, and you can still work on establishing breastfeeding when possible.  It’s hard work to pump and keep up with it, but in the scheme of things, a year—while the first one feels like forever—is short in the life of your child.

Nursing At Home:  Boppies are your friend

I didn’t want to buy the twin breastfeeding pillow because, come on, what was I going to do with a U shaped pillow?  Two boppies, however, and other pillows around worked great!  At home, a big pillow supported my back and smaller pillows supported the boppies underneath and I would wear the boppies almost like a hula hoop with a baby on each. It took many weeks for me to be able to nurse without help and the girls had to be given to me one at a time for a while, but by about 6 weeks, I was able to get them on and off by myself, which I’ll describe in Part Two.

Nursing one at a time with a boppy allows you do have some time to feel like a person, which is really important to an overtired mama.  I could nurse one while at the computer using a boppy. I could nurse one while eating dinner on a boppy. I took my boppy on the airplane and that was so helpful (we traveled a lot, so I would nurse one and my husband would bottle feed pumped milk for the other and we would rotate who got a turn with the real deal).  The boppy was multipurpose for tummy time and games and bottle feedings and reading books to the kids.   Absolutely a great investment to get two boppies for your two babies.

Getting Out:  What’s That?!

Note that I don’t have a full section on getting help. Well, that’s my own issue, but it is important to get help and let others take care of the housework, or meals, or watch the babies so you can at least get a shower.   Even some alone time with one of the babies instead of both will change your perspective.

There is getting out with the family, getting out with the babies, getting out with just one baby, getting out alone, and getting out for date nights.  That’s a lot to juggle, so it’s no wonder the last three probably don’t happen very often.

If you are out in public with both babies, you can still breastfeed them.  It’s easier to feed one at a time.  I used a shawl with one baby at a time, while distracting the other baby with a book or toy or daddy.  Sometimes, though, I got to use a private room and could whip out both breasts at the same time to be more efficient.  There were times when I brought bottles of expressed milk too and I know some moms prefer to feed that way in public. There are many solutions, but the important thing is to get out of the house.

Somehow, we were able to go out for dinner for our anniversary one month after the girls were born since I left pumped milk for my amazing dad who managed to feed hungry, screaming babies propped on boppies.

I didn’t get out much by myself at first, but I recommend at least getting outside with the babies for a walk. It will do you all a lot of good.  It is important for mama to get alone time too for a haircut, a girls movie night, even grocery shopping by yourself will seem like a welcome break!  I was able to get away for a couple hours here and there (feed kids before I left and when I got back with milk in the fridge for emergencies), but it wasn’t until the girls were weaned that I could go away overnight and have that much needed and deserved break.

Don’t have any expectations of yourself for the first 3-6 months.  After that, you will start to see the light of day, unless, of course, you have to go back to work (or choose to) and you absolutely have to get on some kind of schedule sooner.  I hate to say 18 months is when it gets better, since that seems like such a long time away for a mom of newborn twins, but there are milestones along the way.  The first year really is a blur, but looking back, it goes by fast.  Now, it is so much easier since the kids have each other to play with and well, it’s just fun to have twins.  There are always new challenges and even still, there are struggles.

Going crazy happens.  And, when you are at the bottom, all you have to do is ask for help. Make a call to a help hotline or call a friend to give you a break or take a walk. We’ve all been there. Some of us just admit it more than others.  But, no matter what, be proud of yourself for doing what you are doing.  You are trying to do the best you can for your babies and that’s all you can do.  Congratulations on being a twin mama!

Amanda S. is a SAHM mom of twin girls in Chicago.

How I Ditched the Nipple Shield

As I sit here typing while nursing my son, I think back to just a few short weeks ago at how hard it once was for both me and him. On December 27 my son was born at 7 lbs 12 oz, and was just amazingly beautiful. I held my son to my chest shortly after birth and he suckled for a few short moments then fell asleep. After he returned to me, I kept trying to latch him and he just flat out refused. The nurse came in and tried to help, but she could not get him to latch either.

Before I left the hospital I had to do a New Mom class, in which they asked if you were going to breastfeed, bottlefeed, or both. Out of the seven new mommies, I was the only one who wanted to breastfeed. The nurse told me after I returned to my room that an LC would come in to make sure everything was going okay. That was such a relief to me, because he was not getting the hang of it. She came in a little later, took my son from me, undressed him and shoved him on my boob – which to a first time mom scared the crap out of me! She messed with his little mouth for a few minutes around my nipple and told me he was not a strong enough sucker. To my disbelief, the person who was supposed to help me just broke my heart. I looked at her and asked her what to do, and she said, “Well, you can just keep trying, but you probably should just give him formula to make sure he keeps eating.” FORMULA? Seriously – this coming from an LC. I said okay thank you, and promptly forgot everything she just told me.

As I was worrying about my son not eating, my MIL sat down next to me and reassured me everything was going to be okay. She asked if she could help and I agreed so she took my son in her arms, and was slowly able to latch him on. She did not force my boob in his mouth, or make him scream by undressing him, she simply put him on my chest and let him do it on his own. He was doing it- I was so relieved, yet he again stopped a few moments later. She reassured me everything would turn out okay, and that he probably was not yet hungry anyway.

During my hospital stay I continued to try to get him to latch without success, so when I returned home I was pumping what seemed like every waking moment, and fed him by bottle. We were both in tears almost every night. Then, I came across one of the best groups in the world – Breastfeed, Chicago. A friend of mine who has a little girl only a few weeks younger then my son was part of the group, so I figured it would just give me some added support. I posted what issues I was having and someone suggested a nipple shield. I was confused and a little scared on what that was, and had some awkward images in my head. Yet, I went to Target and found one. We went home, I completely undressed from the waist up, and I was determined for him to figure it out. I placed the nipple shield on and slowly tried to get him to latch, but he still refused.

I continued to pump about 8 times a day, if not more, and tried at least once daily to get him to latch. I would pump for a few minutes to get my milk flowing, so it was not much work for him, tried to latch him, and when that did not work, I would try with the shield. It seemed like he would never figure it out, and I started getting very depressed. I felt like I was not supplying my son with his nutritional needs. My husband came home from work many times to me and our son half naked in our bed, both crying – and me, desperately trying to get him to eat. My husband was such a trooper and would take our son from me, remind me that I was an amazing mother, and would walk away, letting me gather myself together. I started talking about switching to formula because I simply had had enough. I told my husband that if our son didn’t figure out breastfeeding by the time he was 3 months, I was done. I was reading parenting books, talking to other nursing moms that I knew, and would check Breastfeed, Chicago daily. Looking for tips and tricks to get him to latch.

After 11 weeks of trying, my son finally latched with the shield – yet I tried not to get too excited. After 24 hours passed and he still hadn’t needed a bottle, I was officially ecstatic – enough so to call my MIL and my own mom to tell them the amazing news. Yes, he was still using a shield, but he was latching! That meant the world to me. After 6 days of using the shield I was going nuts – trying to remember to take it with me, trying to place it on my nipple when I was half asleep – the thing that made breastfeeding possible for us was starting to wear on me. So, I placed him to my bare nipple, and to my surprise, he latched! I sent a picture to my husband at work, and of course posted on Breastfeed, Chicago almost immediately. Now, a week later, I sit here typing with my son lying across my chest, boob in his hand, eating away. I never though this day would come. I ended up in tears many nights, regretted having to give him a bottle, hating with a passion being confined to the house due to having to pump so often… yet now everything seemed so worth it. Just to simply say I breastfeed my child!

I joke that my son figured out breastfeeding just so he could avoid formula. He and I were determined to make him a boob boy!

I hope you have found this inspiring, and know that to be able to breastfeed your child may not be the easiest thing you will ever do, but is one of the most rewarding things you will ever do.

My name is Diane and I can proudly now say I am a breastfeeding, baby-wearing, cloth diapering mom. I am 21 years old and married to the love of my life, Tyler, and we have one son named James. I have my nursing degree, although that is on pause so I can be a SAHM. My husband is a video game programmer in the city of Chicago. My only goal for my son is to grow up happy and healthy and for us to be able to provide him whatever he wants/needs. However, if you ask his daddy, he would say he wants James to be able to program before he can read!

Editor’s Note: Before you resort to using a nipple shield for yourself, please make sure to talk to a knowledgeable and supportive lactation professional, and read up on all the pros and cons of nipple shields. Find out more here.

Dear New Mama…

Dear New Breastfeeding Mom,

Imagine I’m sitting next to you on a comfy couch right now. I’m nursing my baby, and you’re nursing yours. Maybe we’re drinking tea, and we are definitely eating chocolate cake.

Congratulations on your new addition! Your life has changed a ton, but let me try to make it a little easier. Your biggest concern will be what every new mom wants to know: is my baby is eating enough? Did your baby poop once on day one? Twice on day two? Three times on day three? At least three times day four and beyond? Yes? Then they are most likely getting enough. Wet diapers, nice plump skin, and lots of poops are all signs of a well-fed baby. See this article for more info.

Let me guess. You’re tired. You’re tired of sharing your body with this little person that you have been sharing with for nine months. You’re tired of feeling like you’re the only person who can comfort your baby. And you’re tired of dealing with everyone telling you how to breastfeed your child when half of them never even breastfed! I get it. I’m tired too, but I will openly admit that I breastfeed because I am lazy.

No really, breastfeeding is the lazy mom’s way of feeling her baby the best food the world has ever seen. Of course, I am sure you read all the statistics and benefits about illness and I.Q., but there are so many more hidden benefits! After the steep learning curve of those first couple weeks (sometimes it takes 6-8 weeks to really get comfortable), you will soon realize how easy it is. One night, I realized I put less effort into feeding my baby than I put into brushing my teeth, and I don’t even have to get out of bed. Now we’re talking!

But what about sleep, you say. Don’t moms who formula feed get more sleep? No, they really don’t. Here’s the proof. No matter what you’re feeding your baby, you will be up in the middle of the night because your baby will be up in the middle of the night, and your baby wants YOU. Learn more about infant sleep patterns here. However, don’t be surprised when your significant other insists to you he was up with the baby all night and got no sleep. You will spend the rest of the night cursing your significant other for snoring when you are trying to sleep in between feedings. At least you know that every new mother in Chicagoland is cursing their partner at the same time.

As baby gets older, baby will sleep longer, but not right away. Until then, take naps with the baby and find ways to minimize the time you are awake at night. Keep baby in your bedroom, learn to side-lie nurse, and keep the lights low when you are awake. Reducing coffee intake will actually help you sleep better (crazy, I know).

The nice thing about breastfeeding is that when your new baby does wake, there is no padding blindly into the kitchen and heating a bottle while settling a starving baby without waking the rest of the house, sitting up to feed the baby, burping the baby (which inevitably wakes him back up), and then resettling him to go back to sleep. By this time, you will be wide awake, and the next day, you have to wash and sterilize the bottles, go to the store to get more formula, and prepare for the next feeding. Whew! A breastfeeding mom does not even have to get out of bed. Most of the time, I am feeding my baby before he even knows he is awake! You will also have a free hand to surf Facebook (the Breastfeed, Chicago! group, of course) or check e-mails on your smart phone while your baby is getting his midnight snacks. Breastfed babies have healthy sleep patterns because they are following their natural instincts. Trust that your baby is doing what he needs to do.  Many breastfeeding moms also report feeling better rested and mentally healthier than formula-feeding moms.

Remember that “lazy mom” idea? Well, it continues well past the infant stage. Breastfed babies have a lower risk of asthma, diabetes, allergies, infection, and obesity. Yay for fewer doctor visits and medications! Your child is constantly getting antibodies from your milk so you may also be able to avoid giving him antibiotics, especially when everyone else in the house is sick. Moms get long-term benefits too with lower risk of heart disease, cancer, and faster post-partum weight loss. Another lazy bonus: 500 plus calories burned a day and NO exercise needed!

Oh, what’s that you say? Your hubby/partner/mother-in-law/best friend is dying to feed the baby, and what’s the harm in a little formula? You think you might get a little extra sleep in, right? Get the ‘ole MIL off your back? Don’t do it. You need to build up your milk supply right now. You need to “teach” your breasts to produce enough milk for your baby. “Supply and demand” is not just for Economics 101.

Speaking of money, let’s talk about the money you’re going to save by breastfeeding.  Breastfeeding your baby means less time working to pay for formula. Think of yourself as a cash cow… literally. My son has a dairy and soy intolerance. If he were on formula, it would surely be the very expensive elemental type that is triple a regular can of formula. Since breastfed babies get sick less often, we are save $$ on co-pays and medications, too. If you really want to get into pennies and cents, you are saving money on electricity by not using the microwave, lights in the middle of the night, dishwasher, dish soap, water, and drying racks. You don’t need a $200 pump, specials bras, and special clothes to breastfeed!

Setting aside all these great reasons to breastfeed, the most important benefit to breastfeeding is that bond I have with my child. We both look forward to our time together. I always have a reason to take my son and say, “He must be hungry!” No one can argue with you – after all, a baby needs to eat! I have an excuse to lay down with my baby several times a day and enjoy him as he is. He will not be this way forever, but for now I have the perfect excuse to be “lazy”.

Sincerely,

A Fellow Breastfeeding Mom

Melissa Nordwall is a first time mom to a baby boy born August 10, 2011. After struggles with newborn weight loss, jaundice, cow milk protein intolerance and elimination diet, and reflux, my son and I are exclusively breastfeeding. As an RN and breastfeeding mom, I have found a new passion to encourage others to breastfeed.

Why you need a new moms group

Becoming a new mother is a transition like none other we have ever experienced in our lives.  When you are pregnant you are showered (sometimes literally in the form of a baby shower) with attention.  You visit a doctor or midwife regularly who ask you how you how feel; you are checked to make sure you are eating healthfully and your vitals are monitored- all to ensure that the baby is developing properly inside of you.  Fast forward to Labor Day.  Not the one in early September, the day when you actually begin the labor of parenting by bringing your child into the world.  After the birth of your baby, everything changes. Assuming you, as the mother, are healthy, your birth team’s focus (this applies mostly to birth in a hospital rather than in the comfort of one’s own home) has now shifted to the baby.  Checking all the baby’s vitals, making sure he or she is warm enough, administering various tests and even giving vaccinations if you have given permission.  Often times these activities take the baby away from you at a time when it is most important for you to be together.  And by together, I mean touching, skin to skin. I could go on and on about the importance of skin to skin contact between mother and baby following birth but you can also read about it here.  Despite all the research emphasizing the importance of this special time for mom and baby, it often doesn’t happen.  This can delay the initiation of breastfeeding and essential bonding between mother and baby.  If you are one of the lucky ones, you will be able to get your baby latched on with relative ease or there will be a board certified lactation consultant (not a nurse whose job it is to administer meds, take your blood pressure, etc., who has also been assigned to give you a little breastfeeding assistance, whether she likes it or not) available who can come help you get breastfeeding off to a good start. Sadly, I very often hear stories where none of these things have taken place. Instead, I hear (and these are direct quotes from other new moms), “My baby was separated from me for hours after the birth.”  ”He was given formula in the nursery without my permission.”  ”The nurse told me that it was my fault I was having trouble breastfeeding.”  All of these situations serve to take power away from you, a new mom.

Following your brief stay in the hospital, where you may or may not have been given the support necessary to make a good start as a confident new mom, you are sent home.  And there you will stay.  More often than not, I hear that new moms go for weeks without leaving the house and when they do, the only trips they do make out are to the pediatrician–someone who is primarily interested in the well-being of the baby and not the mom who is trying her hardest to feed and nurture this new life. Hopefully, if it is breastfeeding you are struggling with, you have found the help you need in the form of a lactation consultant, postpartum doula, a LaLeche meeting or other breastfeeding support group.  Even with these supports, new moms remain very isolated within their homes. You have to now figure out how to take care of your baby, feed yourself, maybe take a shower, and function in general–all on very little sleep.  While you are learning all of these things, your baby is trying to figure it all out as well.  He or she has never pooped until just recently so babies make all sorts of funny noises and faces, sometimes appearing to be in pain, as their brand new GI system learns how to process breastmilk or formula. They are not used to sleeping in the manner that we are instructed to put them to sleep–flat on their backs. They often long for the days when they were snuggled in, cozily nestled in their mommy’s warm,dark, noisy uterus. So when you put your baby down for just a second to do some silly thing like, say, brush your teeth, they often react with screams and cries.  This can make even the most chill new mom frazzled.  If you were lucky enough to have your partner around a bit after returning home (or really lucky and he or she works for a company like Google and gets an awesome leave when a child is born), you may have been able to accomplish some of these activities of daily living.  Or maybe you have some helpful family members or friends who have put together a meal train and you have meals coming in regularly, at least for the first little bit.  This can help tremendously.

The Chicago New Moms Group, November 2011 moms

No matter how helpful our relatives or our partners may be, there is no substitute for the support that women receive from other women.  New moms groups provide essential education support at a time when you need it most and in ways you never imaged. Meeting others who are experiencing many of the same challenges as you can go a long way towards helping you realize that you are not alone in your struggles. Finding other new moms who share your experience can ease your transition into motherhood tremendously.  You’ll learn that the women you meet in a new moms group will be one of the most valuable resources you posses as a mother.   A professionally facilitated group, such as The Chicago New Moms Group, not only provides you with peer support but also education on a wide variety of topics that new moms are always asking about like sleeping, feeding, returning to work vs. staying at home, your relationship with your partner, baby temperament and developmental milestones.  These groups also get you out of the house.  This has the added benefit of giving you the chance to practice going out with your baby, feeding your baby when you aren’t in the comfort of your home, and learning to be comfortable when your baby cries around others.  Knowing that you will be going to a consistently supportive and nurturing environment when you do venture out can make the process a bit less daunting.  All of these factors together help to reduce the isolation that often can lead to postpartum depression or a general sense of feeling overwhelmed by all the challenges that come with becoming a parent.  You don’t have to do it alone- join a new moms group.

Linda Szmulewitz is a mom of two crazy kids, a licensed clinical social worker, a postpartum doula, and a member of the Board of Directors for Breastfeed, Chicago!  She is the founder and group facilitator of The Chicago New Moms Group, an educational and support program for first time moms of babies 0-6 months old.  The next 6 week session begins January 23.  Please visit the website for more information and group registration.  

Enlightenment and Healing

Nine years ago my son was born. Nine weeks premature and weighing just over three pounds, I was thrown into the world of NICUs, breast pumps, and doctor visits. When my pregnancy came to an end, my grieving began. I didn’t realize it as grieving right away—I was far too numb from the whole experience to have any true concept of what I was going through—but as life began to balance out and I came up for air, I recognized a feeling of loss and began to examine it.

My first thought was that I was grieving over the loss of the last two months of my pregnancy and the “normal” birth experience I had so wanted to have—and that was perhaps part of it. But as the first year of my son’s life picked up speed and life began to fill in the gaps left by the gradual disappearance of hospital visits and baby gifts and concerned phone calls from family and friends, I began to recognize a loss that did not stem from the circumstances surrounding my son’s birth so much as the loss of the entire relationship I had hoped—expected—to have.

Because my son was born nine weeks premature, within a few hours of his birth I had started to use a breast pump to initiate and maintain my milk supply. It had never been a question of whether I wanted to breastfeed, but after the birth of my son it became a question of whether I would be able to. An endless cycle of breastfeeding, bottle feeding, and expressing quickly consumed my days, and two months into my son’s life, the stress of that exhausting routine, the experience of having a preemie, the preeclampsia that affected my own health, and a father who was dying from cancer, took their toll and I couldn’t continue on any further. Shortly after my son’s due date, recognizing I had to make a change, I committed myself to exclusively pumping for my son and tried to make peace with the fact that breastfeeding wasn’t going to be part of our lives.

The loss that I felt as a result of not breastfeeding took me by surprise. No one tells you that you will experience grief. No one tells you that it hurts. No one tells you the sense of regret you will experience when you think back to those early days of your child’s life and you question the “what ifs” that might have made things different.

But this is not a story of grief and sadness; instead it is a story about enlightenment and healing.

My experience with my son taught me the importance of relationship. He taught me that what we do matters and how we do it matters. He taught me that I have an inner maternal instinct that is to be trusted, nurtured, and valued. He taught me that life is a continuum and that mothering starts long before a baby is born and will continue long after our children leave our homes. He taught me that process matters and what happens before will affect what happens after. These lessons weren’t learned easily, and many of them weren’t learned in time to benefit my son and I. Our relationship has been built on struggle and common challenges, and we continue to conquer those challenges together, trying to repair the lost relationship we both so desperately desired when he was born.

Not being able to breastfeed my son was a loss: a loss for both of us. I have come to understand that our biology has expectations, just as we do, but those biological expectations are far more important than my own personal expectations. They are based on centuries, and maybe even millennia, of genetic heritage. To try to circumvent those biological expectations can only result in an imbalance and leave us feeling loss. I grieved the lost breastfeeding relationship with my son, just as I grieved the normal birth experience, not because it was what I had expected or wanted, but because it was what my biology expected.

Two and a half years later, I stared at a positive pregnancy test and was surprised that the first thought to pop into my head was: “I wonder if I’ll be able to breastfeed this baby?” Emotions that I thought I had examined and dealt with and discarded after my experience with my son came flooding back to me. And at that moment my journey of healing began, ushered in by my new baby, my daughter.

As is often the case, my second pregnancy was entirely different than my first and I was entirely different as well. Certainly I now had experience as a mother, but I also carried with me the hurt and fear resulting from my first breastfeeding experience. While I had infinitely more knowledge about “normal” birth and lactation, I also had insecurities and mistrust relating to my body and my body’s ability to do what it was supposed to do. It didn’t work the way it was supposed to the first time, so why should I think it would all work out the second time? As those nine months progressed, I devoured everything I could about the normal birth process and breastfeeding from a biological perspective and decided to commit myself to trusting my body. Faith can be both scary and freeing, and I gave myself to it entirely.

My re-education about breastfeeding challenged social attitudes about mothering and babies. I learned to question my knowledge and strove to focus on breastfeeding practices that were biologically sound. When my daughter was born I ensured that she was placed on my chest immediately and we enjoyed more than an hour of quiet time getting to know each other before she was weighed and cleaned. She latched for the first time within the first half hour and stayed with me, often in my bed, for our entire hospital stay. She nursed frequently and eagerly. Things seemed to be going well. And then upon our arrival home, those familiar worries and fears set in.

Nothing really was going wrong; my daughter was over her birth weight by five days of age, after a bit of initial soreness we seemed to get into a routine that was working well, but yet I clung to the past, worried that things weren’t as good as they seemed and that certainly my body was going to fail me yet. For the first month of my daughter’s life, I worried every time she cried that it was something I was doing, that my milk wasn’t sufficient, or that for some reason things were not as good as they seemed. All the usual newborn issues were, in my mind, somehow connected to my ability to breastfeed and mother. Her cries or fussiness would bring back the overwhelming memories of my experience with my son and my emotions continually churned. Eventually, I decided enough was enough and I returned to that place of faith I had been in before my daughter was born.

And neither my body nor my daughter disappointed.

Once I relaxed into the relationship with my daughter and put my trust in both my body’s ability to provide for her and her ability to know when and how much she needed to nurse, I entered a period of ease. I finally recognized the power my body holds and the empowerment that can come through the process of birth and breastfeeding. I recognized that my body is capable and strong and nurturing. And I recognized that in our society we often are given information, advice, and practices that are in direct competition with our biology.

In order to allow our biology to do what it needs to do, we often need to question the influence of our society and in some cases put it aside in favour of biology. In retrospect, I can see the influences of society greatly affected my breastfeeding relationship with my son. It saddens me that I was unable to breastfeed him as I had wanted, but I also recognize that I only did what I knew to do at the time. Ultimately, my experience with my son brought about the enlightenment I needed to breastfeed my daughter and that experience has influenced my life since he was born.

Breastfeeding my daughter was a relationship—is a relationship. She weaned just a couple months after her third birthday, but the closeness that we enjoyed from our nursing relationship is still very much part of our lives today two years later. Being able to participate in that relationship helped me to heal the lingering hurts from the experience with my son. It returned to me the ability to trust my body and the process and to ultimately have faith in something outside of myself.

While at times it does sadden me that my son and I did not enjoy the same relationship as my daughter and I did, I remind myself that the relationship between a nursing mother and baby benefits everyone surrounding them. My son was very much part of the nursing relationship with my daughter, witnessing the love and closeness of our relationship but also being a part of it as we would sit and chat while his sister nursed. The healing brought about by breastfeeding was not just my own; it also helped my son witness that important relationship that he was unable to experience for himself, and I have no doubt he will carry it with him into his adulthood and into the relationship with his own children.

Stephanie Casemore has experienced breastfeeding as a challenge, a gift, and a healing experience. She exclusively pumped for a year for her first child and nursed her second child for three years. Turning the challenges into a positive as an opportunity to support other mothers, Stephanie shares her experience through her books:  Breastfeeding, Take Two: Successful Breastfeeding the Second Time Around and Exclusively Pumping Breast Milk: A Guide to Providing Expressed Breast Milk for Your Baby.

Our Favorite Breastfeeding Advice

This week’s post is all about our members. Members of our Facebook group were asked how long they’ve been breastfeeding and their favorite words of wisdom. We want to emphasize that there is no “right” length of time to breastfeed your baby – everyone takes their own journey, but every journey is a lot more fun when you have supportive and encouraging people around you.

Thanks, everyone!

• AN: Just say no!!!
  Your baby won’t starve while you are getting tended to after birth…even if you had a c section. Insist on NO bottles and baby will latch! I don’t think this is scientifically proven but many many moms who’s babies were given bottles in the first 4 weeks had bfing issues (including me with my first) 1st baby 10 months…fought til the very last drop
  2nd baby…10 months and going strong!!!
• CC: 1 child; nursed for 32 months, and counting. Best advice: You are enough for your child – there isn’t always one way to get the job done, every mom and baby are as unique as individuals and use Lansinoh before and after feedings and pumping.

• JPY: 2 children… #1 – severe supply issues nursed 8 months (supplementing the entire time)… LC didn’t think I’d ever make it that long. boy did I prove her wrong! #2 – going on 6 months EBF on the 17th! The most helpful advice was to feed baby where ever & whenever. Don’t postpone feedings when baby just comes home from hospital b/c you have company or b/c someone wants to hold the baby and try to calm them when you know they want to nurse.
• EL: I’m nursing my second now.. 22 months old. When I first started, tho, I had a nursing epiphany when I learned (at LLL meetings) that cluster feeding in the evenings didn’t mean I was out of milk, and that nursing was something I could do in my sleep… When I was taught how to nurse side-lying. Both of these things helped me to just relax and have confidence in myself.

• BB: “Never quit on a bad day” helped me.
• WOS: 2 children, #1 was nursed 27 months (though she would’ve liked to nurse longer!), had a lot of issues in the beginning (baby was in the NICU her first four days, so she was given formula, I was encouraged to pump but my milk did not come in until she got home, so whenever I tried to nurse in the NICU she would scream and get frustrated). We had some rocky weeks (as I refused to use formula when we got home) and I used a nipple shield for the first six months (not recommended by LC but I did what I could to make it happen). Be patient and keep on chugging away at it (and with the help of professionals and determination) you can BF, even if you do get off to a rocky start! #2 has been nursing for 10 months and counting!!!
• TL: I am on baby #2 and have been nursing for almost 4 years straight (dec 27th is my first 4 year bday) I never thought I’d make it past 3 months and I can’t believe I am tandem nursing an almost 4 year old and a 10 month old! The most helpful advice I received was to take it one day at a time and if baby is happy and having wet diapers baby is getting enough!
• Kristin P: My little man is 27 mo, and we are going strong with nursing!! He was EBF his first 15 mo of life, and continues to nurse every 2 hours or so – definitely never goes longer that 3 hours without his ‘yummies’! The best advice I received was to follow my babe’s cues/lead for feeds, not the clock or schedule. I read that advice in the Dr. Sears Baby Book that my doula recommended. Other invaluable advice was that bedsharing is a wonderful way to establish breastfeeding – also from Dr. Sears. I was already following Aubrey’s lead, and bedsharing, but it was really empowering and validating to read his words.
• JSS: #1 breastfed for 15 months, #2 is still breastfeeding at 13 months. They didn’t overlap. Best advice was that babies go through growth spurts every couple of weeks where they’ll want to nurse more – just stick with it and let them nurse as much a they want to. They’re not starving, and your milk supply will catch up.
• MS: Daughter nurses still at 3.5 years and son is 9 months old and obviously still nursing. The best advice…trust you body and its ability to nourish your child, not only physically but emotionally.
  My daughter is a testament to that. When I ask her why she still wants to nurse (once a day) she tells me that “I nurse because I love you and I like nursing.” To me, weaning just because someone says to wean at a certain time doesn’t make sense.

• Karaleigh: 10.5 months- drink LOTS of water, be patient and enjoy every moment of it.
• BP: Six months for my six month old daughter. For us, the best advice was skin to skin contact and laid back nursing. And I’ve so appreciated having a good breastfeeding friend to laugh with for plugged ducts, and other challenges as they come up!
• NLR: Between the three of them 6 years. (omg lol) Best I’ve got is don’t give up. Get help if you need it. It will get easier. #2 had a really rough start. Things did not level out for about 8 weeks. (So much pain, bleeding, screaming & crying; not just him haha) Once he and I got the hang of it, it was great. Went 25mos. If you have a c-section, you CAN most definitely nurse your baby minutes after birth. I had my younger two in my arms as soon as I was stitched up and in recovery. They were never more than a few feet away from me. Don’t let them tell you otherwise.
• Renee: 38month old still nursing and tandeming with his almost 3 month old brother. Best advice I ever got was to just relax. Stop and take it easy. Take a deep breath and watch as it all works out
• Mirjam: 29 months…stick with it. Breastfeeding can be hard in the first few weeks, but when the two of you figure it out, sharing those moments of peace and silent connection are going to be worth any amount of work that you had to put into it.
• MMV: All four of mine were EBF…#1 was 16 months and self weaned (I was not ready for her to stop!), #2 was a little over 24 months, #3 was also a little over 24 months, and #4 is 26 months and counting. Best advice was nursing on demand and also that even though nursing is the most “natural” thing to do, you and baby still need to work a little to figure it out! My mom also gave me the book “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding” which was helpful since I never went to any classes or groups. Also, I agree with the c-section comments…my four were born by c-section and it did not prevent me in any way from nursing
• Rowkeena: ‎19 months..Don’t give up when they start teething. You and your baby will form a communication where they understand that biting hurts. If you want the good stuff, no biting!
• Brandy: 32 months combined, and still going. See a lactation consultant for breastfeeding advice, not a pediatrician!!!
• Beth: 22 months and counting. The best advice I got came before my son was born. A friend told me that it’s okay for it not to feel natural at first and that it is hard at the start. She encouraged me to take a class before my son was born. My husband and I did just that, we took a class with a lactation consultant about 3 weeks before he was born. Looking back, I really wonder if I would have made it without that advice.
• AR: Don’t quit on your hardest day.

  (nursing #2 nearly 8 months & going strong, #1 only 10 weeks. )
• EN: In our 26th month of breastfeeding, the best advice I’ve received is not to worry about the future yet. Most of our concerns about the future will be resolved or become non-issues by the time they arrive, whether it’s nursing with teeth, supply after introducing solids, nursing during pregnancy, or weaning. Don’t waste your energy worrying about possible concerns; instead, focus on the present and enjoy today.
• CS: #1 for 11mo and #2 8.5 mo and counting – best advice I can give is make breastfeeding the only option, we couldn’t afford formula and I wanted to breastfeed with our first anyway, but even though it hurt and she was tongue-tied (fixed at her 1week weigh in) I never even thought to give her anything other than my milk. If you know it’s your only option, it’s a lot easier to stick with it! (sometimes it still hurts, but I’d rather be in a little pain and give my kids the best start I can than the alternative!)
• JM: 15 months. Most helpful advice (from my daughter herself): “boob!” surprisingly (or not) I received a lot of unhelpful advice
• IKK: One boy, 27 months old, still nursing. Even when the kids around him are sick for a week or two with bad colds, he always got over them in about 48 hours, with a little increased nursing. Best advice? O my! Where do I start? First of all, most (almost all) hospitals are NOT baby/breastfeeding friendly. So keep your baby near you as much as possible, maybe even the whole time and do skin-to-skin and nurse non-stop to help your milk come in. Especially if you had any interventions during the birth, it might take a little longer for the little one to latch, etc. Don’t let anybody intimidate you. One nurse kept telling me that my son was going to get cold having him skin-to-skin (because I kept taking his onesie off – even though he was UNDER the blanket with me). But he did not. And he did nurse. Another big thing is: get support. Be around other nursing mommies. Whether it’s LLL or just some friends, it’s so important to have someone to share your questions, joys, and sometimes frustrations. It’s all part of the journey and the last thing you need is somebody suggesting that “stop nursing” would end all your issues. And lastly, always remember, this is the relationship between YOU and YOUR CHILD, nobody else. This is one thing you share, unique to you two, special, magical, amazing and FOREVER – nobody can take that away. And nursing is part of that relationship, so when you are having a hard day, follow your heart, look into your babies eyes and do what you feel is best. Trust yourself.
• SSK: #1 bf for 12 months, #2 for 18 months, #3 for 27 months, and # 4 and am still bfeeding strong at 20+ months (while going to school full time). So that is a total of 77 months, so far… I unfortunately received no advice with my first, but had read every book out there (11+ years ago) and it happened to come naturally to both of us:) Recently many friends have had first babies and have called on me to help with breastfeeding (which I love and do). The best advice I give them is to relax and not get frustrated too soon, keep at it and call if they need anything anytime! It is not “easy” or “natural” for everyone and takes a lot of dedication in the first several weeks!
• Mirjam: Do you know what is so interesting? Reading all of these posts makes it really clear how much of a learning curve is involved in breastfeeding! Nearly everyone who has posted, myself included, breastfed their second child longer than their first, and the third longer than that. Which again kind of echoes what many mamas have said – breastfeeding is a learned behavior, both for you and your baby, and it is important to see it as that so you don’t get frustrated if you falter at first.
• MH: 20 month First Son, 22 month Second Son -  Get through the first month of breastfeeding and it gets easier, in general. I had no guidance about breastfeeding just thought it would be easier and cheaper than formula. Advice: “try not to listen to people’s opinion about how long to breastfeed – short or long, only a mom/child knows what is appropriate.”
• Beth M.: 49 months and counting (14m with #1, 19m with #2 and 16m with #3). Best Advice?? Just relax…your body knows what to do.
• HHL: 2 kids- I breastfed the first for 11 months(and pumped and bottle fed breastmilk until 12 months) and am currently still nursing my 16 month old. I’d say the best advice I received and not until the second was to ignore the clock and feed on demand. I spent so much time recording feedings and EVERYTHING else the first time around and the second time I wrote down NOTHING and life was so much easier. I truly think a huge part of breastfeeding success is surrounding yourself with like minded mamas. It can really feel like an uphill battle when you tell someone about a nursing issue and their response is why don’t you just stop, you’ve done it long enough vs. receiving a sympathetic ear and good ideas and options to give you the support needed to continue. Sometimes all you need to keep you going is for someone to tell you, “I’ve been there” and that’s hard to receive if you don’t know other moms who have nursed and are nursing.
• DS: One little lady still breastfeeding (she’s 46 mos.) and one on the way; best advice — I definitely 2nd Brandy  — unless you have a dream pediatrician, go with the lactation consultant’s advice (or now, the advice you get here! Second best — trust yourself and your mothering instincts always!
• ERM: Wasn’t able to nurse my 12 month old twins but have been PROUDLY nursing my 6 week old since she was less than an hour old. BEST advice I received (which I didn’t get until last week) was to NOT even think about a pump or pumping for at least the 1st 6 weeks. It just adds too much pressure and stress. Just nurse, nurse, nurse and get that relationship down. If baby is thriving then you know you have an adequate supply. I highly recommend a trip to Jill Rabin in Northbrook also. =)
• KCS: Child number one, age 5, nursed two weeks past his 4th birthday. The twins are three and still nursing. I nursed all three for 2 years.
• ECH: 16 months or so with my first, 5 weeks so far with this new baby. The best advice I received was if you were missing nursings because you were busy, spends the weekends in bed nursing. It helped me to work full time, pump, and continue the nursing relationship.
• NW: I’ve been breastfeeding for 3 months, and plan to keep going onto 12. Determination and the bond kept me going. The day that we had an 8am dr appt, we were outside waiting for the doors to open and he was hungry, so I fed him in my car, and he looked up at me with milk all over his face and gave me one of the first smiles I’d seen. Best advice was skin-to-skin contact, it helped me within hours of some nipple confusion. But I’m lucky enough to have a generally easy breastfeeding relationship with my son.

No More Failure Stories: Karaleigh’s story

Editor’s Note: This post is the first in a series we’re calling “No More Failure Stories.” We know that mom-to-mom support is one of the most important ways we can ensure that other moms continue to breastfeed, despite setbacks and difficulties. We hope that Karaleigh’s story will help you to remember a time when someone helped you get over a hurdle. Whether or not we know it at the time, words of encouragement and support can make the difference between “breastfeeding didn’t work out for us” and “yup, we’re still breastfeeding.” Share your story with us! breastfeedchicago@yahoo.com.

I knew I wanted to breastfeed from the moment I got pregnant. After all it’s free, it’s an easy postpartum weight loss program, and the benefits for both me and baby are fantastic! But then I began to worry. Would it be easy? Would it hurt? Would I know how to do it? Could my baby really survive on “just” my milk?

These thoughts intensified when I gave birth to a premature baby who was too small and weak to latch on. So I did what I could; I tried and tried again to get her to latch and suck. In the meantime, I spent endless hours with my breast pump. I called lactation consultants, but they were all too busy to return my calls or too booked to see me. It took five weeks of trying before I was able to get my daughter to exclusively breastfeed, but I did it.

Through my experience of breastfeeding I felt that it was very important to encourage and support those who wanted to breastfeed. After my friends delivered their babies, I would always check in to see how they were doing and ask if they had any breastfeeding questions. I periodically sent encouraging emails and fun facts about breastfeeding like how breastfed babies have higher IQ’s!

The first friend I told that I would be her breastfeeding cheerleader was overjoyed. She was very much wanting to breastfeed for at least the first year. Within the first week her pediatrician was encouraging her to supplement with formula. She resisted. I got a frantic email a few days later. She emailed with a screaming baby in her lap saying, “I think I need to use formula, he is hungry and there is nothing left!” Together we problem-solved. First step, deep breath. A screaming baby can rock even the strongest woman’s confidence in her ability to be a mommy.

With formula advertising everywhere, and coupons, samples, doctors, nurses and friends suggesting formula. How do we gain confidence that we CAN feed our babies with breastmilk? We need to team together! We need to call our fellow sisters, aunts, cousins, sorority sisters and friends and make sure they have the support and encouragement that they need to breastfeed. We need to talk openly about our journeys with breastfeeding, our trials, our errors, our successes, and our sleepless nights so that other women know that they are not alone. No women should have to struggle in private to feed their child. No woman should have a breastfeeding question go unanswered. It is our duty as successful breastfeeding mommies to be cheerleaders for our tribe.

Karaleigh Salmi is mother to Ellie (10 months old) and 3 dogs. She has a wonderful, supportive husband who encouraged her through all the challenges of breastfeeding. Ellie and Karaleigh overcame the challenge of Ellie’s premature birth and stay in the NICU, and have been successful at breastfeeding. Karaleigh is a Ph.D. candidate in the field of clinical psychology and a stay at home mom.

The Pump Room

This post was originally posted on The Chicago New Moms Group blog. Thank you to Linda Szmulewitz for allowing us to re-post it! Share your pumping-at-work experiences in the “comments” section below!

Recently on the mother to mother Breastfeed, Chicago Facebook group, a mom vented a brief story of a negative interaction with a coworker that she had regarding her need to pump at work.  This story sparked a very strong memory for me of a time, now 6 years ago, when I too returned to work and was pumping so that I could continue to breastfeed my baby.  I wanted to share that story with all of you in hopes it might be helpful to others.

Whenever I think about new and veteran moms returning to work and pumping, I am immediately brought back to December 2005.  I was a new mom, returning to work after my 3 month maternity leave.  I was a social worker in an outpatient HIV clinic within a large hospital in New York City.  I was very fortunate in that my daughter was going to the day care that was part of the hospital across the street from my office.  This afforded me the opportunity to go over during my lunch and breastfeed her, thus eliminating one time a day when I had to pump and also one less bottle that someone would be giving her.  Like many new moms who have returned to work, I was no longer the same person I had been when I left to give birth just 3 months before.  I now had a new role in life, new priorities and my job no longer really ranked up there with the things that mattered most to me.  I knew that I was going to be moving in 6 months and had it set in my mind that I could handle pumping at work for that amount of time.  I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but with an end in sight, I thought, “how hard could it really be?”

At the time, I shared an office with two other coworkers, both female social workers.  One was, and continues to be a very close friend.  The other was a friend prior to me having a baby and even came to my home to visit me and my daughter while I was on maternity leave.  My actual cubicle was at the back of our office space, meaning that my coworkers did not have to walk past my office to get to their own.  On my first day back at work, both of my office mates were out.  It was great!  I did my job, saw my patients, put up my little curtain and pumped when I needed to.  In between I washed all my pump parts, and nursed my baby at lunch over at the daycare.  I felt empowered by my ability to work and also provide the most nutritious food for my baby. Sadly, when everyone returned, this all changed.

The coworker who I was very close with thought it was great that I was pumping at work.  She didn’t have children of her own but understood the purpose and the necessity of it.  The other one, we’ll call her Veronica (her name has been changed to protect the not so innocent), was another story entirely.  I told her that I would be pumping a couple of times a day in my office and that I would try to do it at a time that she wasn’t going to be seeing patients.  I asked that, if the actual door at the entrance to the office was closed, could she please knock before coming in?  She didn’t take this well at all.  She accused me of trying to control her and thus preventing her from doing her job.  She also told me she was not comfortable with hearing the pump from the other side of the cubicle wall.  I’m embarrassed to say that several screaming arguments took place between us which usually led to one of us storming off.  Suffice it to say, this did not make for a very relaxing environment to pump in.  In retrospect, I realize now that I was very hormonal, exhausted from being up at night with my newborn for the last three months, and in the midst of a major life change between having just become a mother and now transitioning into my role as a working mom.  I also naively assumed that all would be supportive of my choice to breastfeed.  Now when I think back on it, I realize that I did not have any other friends with babies, and I didn’t know anyone who had returned to work while pumping.  As time went on, I began to think about some of the things that had happened to Veronica that may have made her react how she did.  She was single and her slightly older sister had just had a baby a few months before I had.  Her sister had chosen not to breastfeed so the actual process of continuing a breastfeeding relationship while working was foreign to her.  That being said, she made no attempt to understand what it entailed or what I was going through.

The hostile climate in the office worsened, when a week or so after I returned to work, the New York City Transit Authority went on strike for 4 days, discontinuing bus and train service in all 5 boroughs.  Since I no longer had any sick time left (it was all used up during my maternity leave), I had no choice but to go to work, but that also meant figuring how how to get my infant daughter there as well.  Since many of the day care workers lived in the outer boroughs and it was taking them 2-3 hours to get home each night, one day they had to close the day care early.  Nothing was going on in our office (our patients couldn’t get to their appointments either) so I picked up my daughter early that day and brought her back to my office while I finished up for the day.  She quietly hung out in her car seat while I typed up some last few notes.  Next thing I knew, Veronica stormed into my cubicle screaming at me for once again assuming that the way I was choosing to use our shared space was okay with everyone else.  Suffice it to say, when I finally made it home that night, I cried for quite some time from all the stress this was causing.  I was totally baffled by her strong negative reaction to me and my baby.

My supervisor at the time tried to be as supportive as he could.  He was in a tough place because he was both mine and Veronica’s supervisor and although he knew that she was being unreasonable, he didn’t really know how to handle the situation.  As far as Veronica was concerned, I could use one of the exam rooms that were constantly in use for patient care and would never have provided any privacy.  The hospital knew that they were required to provide me a non bathroom space to pump in (although I did end up pumping in the bathroom at least once), but their solution was for me to make a 20 minute trek over to the NICU pumping room each time I needed to pump.  This would not have allowed me to do my job.  In the end, I was lucky enough to be able to move into a former supervisor’s private office where I could both work and pump for the remainder of my time at work.  Veronica and I never spoke again and the entire practice was divided among whose “side” they were on as a result of the entire situation.

In retrospect, I probably should have approached the situation differently.  Maybe I didn’t take into account how she would feel about it.  Honestly, at the time, I wasn’t really concerned with anyone else other than my baby and how I was going to provide food for her while being away from her for most of the day.  I certainly let my emotions get the best of me and probably seemed like this crazy breastfeeding woman to her, but I didn’t care.  I guess I still don’t.  I know that everyone has their own issues and some people, for whatever reason, are not entirely comfortable with breastfeeding.  As a nursing mom, pumping in order to feed my baby was a logical and natural choice for me.  However, for someone who had had very little exposure to breastfeeding, my decision must have made her feel awkward, uncomfortable, and imposed upon.

If you are returning to work and will be continuing to pump, my advice to you would be to seriously think about the environment you will be returning to and how you can make your very difficult job of pumping at work as easy as possible. In Illinois, your employer is required by law to provide you with a “non bathroom” space in which to pump.  Currently, 24 states have laws related to breastfeeding in the workplace.  Talk to your coworkers.  If they are a group of single 20 and 30 year olds who have not had any experience with breastfeeding moms, be prepared to educate them on all the hard work that moms do to provide the best food for their babies and share some of all the excellent benefits of breastfeeding (like how your baby will be healthier, resulting in you not taking days off to care for a sick child). You may even make a difference in their decision to someday choose to breastfeed their own baby.

For a long time after this experience, I had this fantasy of sending Veronica a letter detailing to her how she had made my life a living hell for that six months.  I would have told her that I hoped that someday she would be lucky enough to find someone that would make her happy and they would be lucky enough to have a baby together. I hoped that when she became a mother and experienced it as the total life change that it is, that she finally would understand why the way she treated me was so wrong, so hurtful, and so traumatizing.  I guess this blog post is that letter.

Linda Szmulewitz is a mom of two, a licensed clinical social worker, a postpartum doula, and the founder of The Chicago New Moms Group. She can be found blogging about all things related to being a parent at www.chicagonewmomsgroupblog.com.  For more information about The Chicago New Moms Group, please visit the website.