1. Coconut oil apparently can cure ANYTHING.
2. Find a supportive mama tribe – toxic relationships aren’t worth your time.
3. Breastfeeding in public is not only possible; it’s normal!
4. Preemies CAN learn to breastfeed!
5. Twins can too!
6. If your boobs look like they are covered in blood, check to make sure it isn’t just ketchup from lunch.
7. Never quit on a bad day.
8. Trust your baby and trust yourself.
9. You’re not alone.
10. That there are tons of mamas just like me who want to challenge society’s norms of breastfeeding.
11. Toddlers can breastfeed, too!
12. Don’t put limits on your expectations for nursing…do it until it no longer works.
13. When you think you’re the only one with an issue, one of two things will happen: you will find that you are not alone, and you may learn something new in the process.
14. Breastmilk has amazing antibacterial properties!
15. What you pump isn’t an indication of your supply.
16. Read up on “normal” baby sleep – it’s probably not what your grandma or girlfriend is telling you!
17. Your breasts are never empty – you are always making milk.
18. Pumping straight into storage bags will save a ton of time!
19. Keep on keepin’ on and get help if you need it. Perseverance in those early weeks is key!
20. “Put a little breastmilk on it.” Breast milk is to me as Windex is to “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”
21. Side-lying nursing can save your sanity.
22. AND… the number one thing that I’ve learned from Breastfeed Chicago is to never doubt the power of well-informed and supported moms to change the world, because we’re doing it every day.

Who says you can’t breastfeed and party like a rockstar?

This just isn’t true. When breastfeeding your child, it is just as easy to have fun. A few weekends ago, I put this idea to the test. I was Matron of Honor in my friend’s wedding. Admittedly, I was stressed about how the whole day was going to work. How would I feed her in this extremely tight bridesmaid’s dress? What about all of the days’ activities? She isn’t going to be able to go into the limo (although, my bride friend had no problems with this – I just didn’t see logistically how it would work). How is she going to be during the ceremony and then the reception? However, after some careful planning and help from my husband, we made the day work AND we had fun. I brought my baby with me in the morning. She hung out with the girls while we got our hair and makeup done. My husband then tagged along with us in our car and followed the limo to the church, then to pictures, and then to the reception. When I had to nurse, I employed the other bridesmaids to help unfasten and then refasten my dress.

For the reception, the manager at Rock Bottom let us use his office so I could feed her in private and give her a break from all the noise of the rocking party. After all the speeches, cake cutting, and dances were done, it was time for the real fun. I threw on my Baby K’Tan carrier, put the baby in, and partied on. Beer in hand, my friends and I danced the night away to “Call Me Maybe” and “Everybody Dance Now” (nothing like a little C&C Music Factory!). Was I going to stay up and party until dawn like I used to? No. But, that isn’t because I was breastfeeding, it was because I was a mom. And, am now 35. 36.

Yes, this particular day may not have seemed easy – it did involve planning and a lot of help. For me though, it was easier to bring the baby with me than to worry about how she was doing at home – did I pump enough? Was she taking the bottle? Was she napping without me? And, remember this is an extreme case. Unless you are a wedding planner you are not going to weddings every day. If you need a break and want to get a mani/pedi, a cup of coffee with friends, see a movie, or have an occasional night out with the girls, it takes just as much planning whether you formula-feed or breastfeed.

Here are some helpful tips for having fun:

• Nurse baby right before you leave. If you pump, pump enough for the time you are going to be out. Make sure your caregiver knows how to bottlefeed a breastfed baby. http://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/feeding-tools/bottle-feeding/
• You can bring the baby with and still have fun!! For me, the key to this is babywearing. There are a lot of different options out there to babywear – a lot of the carriers can be pretty stylish. http://www.thebabywearer.com/ I have brought my babies with me while getting manis/pedis. I either babywear or time the appointment around my little one’s naptimes, so she is napping in her stroller while I am getting glam.
• If you want to go to the movies, there are options in the Chicagoland area where there are special screenings for moms and babies. http://www.amctheatres.com/programs/bring-your-baby Or, you just go to the regular showing and bring your baby with you. If you are worried about being discreet, there is nothing more discreet than hanging out in a dark movie theater.
• As far as a beer or a glass or wine? Yes, breastfeeding moms can enjoy some libations!! http://kellymom.com/bf/can-i-breastfeed/lifestyle/alcohol/

Having fun while breastfeeding is not only doable, it’s important!! Remember as a mom, it’s important to take some time for yourself. Taking time for yourself helps you refresh and regroup, ultimately helping you stay healthy and happy.

Jennifer Adams is a mom of 3 who regularly finds time to have fun – with or without kids! She is a CAPPA Certified Postpartum Doula, Certified Lactation Specialist, and serves on the Board of Breastfeed, Chicago!

However, I am way too cheap to buy a new nursing top, and way too distracted to bid on ebay… and I’m always looking for any excuse to go ‘thrifting’. I started creating some DIY nursing ensembles modeled after the nursing tops from my friend. They are super easy and NO SEW (T-shirt type fabric does not fray)!  The basic principal is to have two layers: an under layer, which you cut holes in (near the side seams), and an over layer that hides those holes you just cut. The underlayer can be long, short sleeved, or sleeve-less.

My first foray into this universe was a long sleeved super stretchy patterned shirt with a tank top to go over. When I want to nurse, I lift the tank up, and have breast access from either side of the under layer. I can use the top layer to be as discreet as I want to be. Tummy and back are always covered!  Like you, I am a superwoman who makes milk for my baby. It is just nice to feel a bit more pulled together and not yanking at the back of my shirt while nursing… (I did that for three years, and it was manageable, just nicer to have something a bit more functional.)

Style number two I have cooking over here: same under layer idea, but the top layer has a crossover. I just pull down either side and have breast access. This is an espeically good style for when I’m wearing a sling and I need breast access from the top. I don’t have to re-arrange the bottom of my shirt, which is trying to stay nice under the sling (I’m using a moby type carrier for now). I take baby out of carrier to nurse, but love being able to get to my breasts without messing with the already-on sling.

Looking back, I wish I had bought a pumping bustier with baby number one. Who doesn’t want to be a hands-free pumping goddess? Oy my g-d.  I cannot believe I did not have this with the first.  I was too cheap to buy an unproven accessory. This time around, I just snapped up a vaguely my-size bra off the thrift store rack, tried it on at home, and marked where my nipple fell. I then cut a vertical slit about an inch long.  Now I can let that one dollar bra do the work and hold the phalanges in place while I look at real estate on my smart phone.

Nina Lichtenstein, Logan Square mama of two fantastical boys, ages 4.5 and 3 months – the first of whom I breastfed till age three. I am a massage therapist who specializes in massage for the childbearing year, and am hot on the trail of promoting breastfeeding while trying to contain my excitement over how very cool it is.

Thanks, everyone!

• AN: Just say no!!!
  Your baby won’t starve while you are getting tended to after birth…even if you had a c section. Insist on NO bottles and baby will latch! I don’t think this is scientifically proven but many many moms who’s babies were given bottles in the first 4 weeks had bfing issues (including me with my first) 1st baby 10 months…fought til the very last drop
  2nd baby…10 months and going strong!!!
• CC: 1 child; nursed for 32 months, and counting. Best advice: You are enough for your child – there isn’t always one way to get the job done, every mom and baby are as unique as individuals and use Lansinoh before and after feedings and pumping.

• JPY: 2 children… #1 – severe supply issues nursed 8 months (supplementing the entire time)… LC didn’t think I’d ever make it that long. boy did I prove her wrong! #2 – going on 6 months EBF on the 17th! The most helpful advice was to feed baby where ever & whenever. Don’t postpone feedings when baby just comes home from hospital b/c you have company or b/c someone wants to hold the baby and try to calm them when you know they want to nurse.
• EL: I’m nursing my second now.. 22 months old. When I first started, tho, I had a nursing epiphany when I learned (at LLL meetings) that cluster feeding in the evenings didn’t mean I was out of milk, and that nursing was something I could do in my sleep… When I was taught how to nurse side-lying. Both of these things helped me to just relax and have confidence in myself.

• BB: “Never quit on a bad day” helped me.
• WOS: 2 children, #1 was nursed 27 months (though she would’ve liked to nurse longer!), had a lot of issues in the beginning (baby was in the NICU her first four days, so she was given formula, I was encouraged to pump but my milk did not come in until she got home, so whenever I tried to nurse in the NICU she would scream and get frustrated). We had some rocky weeks (as I refused to use formula when we got home) and I used a nipple shield for the first six months (not recommended by LC but I did what I could to make it happen). Be patient and keep on chugging away at it (and with the help of professionals and determination) you can BF, even if you do get off to a rocky start! #2 has been nursing for 10 months and counting!!!
• TL: I am on baby #2 and have been nursing for almost 4 years straight (dec 27th is my first 4 year bday) I never thought I’d make it past 3 months and I can’t believe I am tandem nursing an almost 4 year old and a 10 month old! The most helpful advice I received was to take it one day at a time and if baby is happy and having wet diapers baby is getting enough!
• Kristin P: My little man is 27 mo, and we are going strong with nursing!! He was EBF his first 15 mo of life, and continues to nurse every 2 hours or so – definitely never goes longer that 3 hours without his ‘yummies’! The best advice I received was to follow my babe’s cues/lead for feeds, not the clock or schedule. I read that advice in the Dr. Sears Baby Book that my doula recommended. Other invaluable advice was that bedsharing is a wonderful way to establish breastfeeding – also from Dr. Sears. I was already following Aubrey’s lead, and bedsharing, but it was really empowering and validating to read his words.
• JSS: #1 breastfed for 15 months, #2 is still breastfeeding at 13 months. They didn’t overlap. Best advice was that babies go through growth spurts every couple of weeks where they’ll want to nurse more – just stick with it and let them nurse as much a they want to. They’re not starving, and your milk supply will catch up.
• MS: Daughter nurses still at 3.5 years and son is 9 months old and obviously still nursing. The best advice…trust you body and its ability to nourish your child, not only physically but emotionally.
  My daughter is a testament to that. When I ask her why she still wants to nurse (once a day) she tells me that “I nurse because I love you and I like nursing.” To me, weaning just because someone says to wean at a certain time doesn’t make sense.

• Karaleigh: 10.5 months- drink LOTS of water, be patient and enjoy every moment of it.
• BP: Six months for my six month old daughter. For us, the best advice was skin to skin contact and laid back nursing. And I’ve so appreciated having a good breastfeeding friend to laugh with for plugged ducts, and other challenges as they come up!
• NLR: Between the three of them 6 years. (omg lol) Best I’ve got is don’t give up. Get help if you need it. It will get easier. #2 had a really rough start. Things did not level out for about 8 weeks. (So much pain, bleeding, screaming & crying; not just him haha) Once he and I got the hang of it, it was great. Went 25mos. If you have a c-section, you CAN most definitely nurse your baby minutes after birth. I had my younger two in my arms as soon as I was stitched up and in recovery. They were never more than a few feet away from me. Don’t let them tell you otherwise.
• Renee: 38month old still nursing and tandeming with his almost 3 month old brother. Best advice I ever got was to just relax. Stop and take it easy. Take a deep breath and watch as it all works out
• Mirjam: 29 months…stick with it. Breastfeeding can be hard in the first few weeks, but when the two of you figure it out, sharing those moments of peace and silent connection are going to be worth any amount of work that you had to put into it.
• MMV: All four of mine were EBF…#1 was 16 months and self weaned (I was not ready for her to stop!), #2 was a little over 24 months, #3 was also a little over 24 months, and #4 is 26 months and counting. Best advice was nursing on demand and also that even though nursing is the most “natural” thing to do, you and baby still need to work a little to figure it out! My mom also gave me the book “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding” which was helpful since I never went to any classes or groups. Also, I agree with the c-section comments…my four were born by c-section and it did not prevent me in any way from nursing
• Rowkeena: ‎19 months..Don’t give up when they start teething. You and your baby will form a communication where they understand that biting hurts. If you want the good stuff, no biting!
• Brandy: 32 months combined, and still going. See a lactation consultant for breastfeeding advice, not a pediatrician!!!
• Beth: 22 months and counting. The best advice I got came before my son was born. A friend told me that it’s okay for it not to feel natural at first and that it is hard at the start. She encouraged me to take a class before my son was born. My husband and I did just that, we took a class with a lactation consultant about 3 weeks before he was born. Looking back, I really wonder if I would have made it without that advice.
• AR: Don’t quit on your hardest day.

  (nursing #2 nearly 8 months & going strong, #1 only 10 weeks. )
• EN: In our 26th month of breastfeeding, the best advice I’ve received is not to worry about the future yet. Most of our concerns about the future will be resolved or become non-issues by the time they arrive, whether it’s nursing with teeth, supply after introducing solids, nursing during pregnancy, or weaning. Don’t waste your energy worrying about possible concerns; instead, focus on the present and enjoy today.
• CS: #1 for 11mo and #2 8.5 mo and counting – best advice I can give is make breastfeeding the only option, we couldn’t afford formula and I wanted to breastfeed with our first anyway, but even though it hurt and she was tongue-tied (fixed at her 1week weigh in) I never even thought to give her anything other than my milk. If you know it’s your only option, it’s a lot easier to stick with it! (sometimes it still hurts, but I’d rather be in a little pain and give my kids the best start I can than the alternative!)
• JM: 15 months. Most helpful advice (from my daughter herself): “boob!” surprisingly (or not) I received a lot of unhelpful advice
• IKK: One boy, 27 months old, still nursing. Even when the kids around him are sick for a week or two with bad colds, he always got over them in about 48 hours, with a little increased nursing. Best advice? O my! Where do I start? First of all, most (almost all) hospitals are NOT baby/breastfeeding friendly. So keep your baby near you as much as possible, maybe even the whole time and do skin-to-skin and nurse non-stop to help your milk come in. Especially if you had any interventions during the birth, it might take a little longer for the little one to latch, etc. Don’t let anybody intimidate you. One nurse kept telling me that my son was going to get cold having him skin-to-skin (because I kept taking his onesie off – even though he was UNDER the blanket with me). But he did not. And he did nurse. Another big thing is: get support. Be around other nursing mommies. Whether it’s LLL or just some friends, it’s so important to have someone to share your questions, joys, and sometimes frustrations. It’s all part of the journey and the last thing you need is somebody suggesting that “stop nursing” would end all your issues. And lastly, always remember, this is the relationship between YOU and YOUR CHILD, nobody else. This is one thing you share, unique to you two, special, magical, amazing and FOREVER – nobody can take that away. And nursing is part of that relationship, so when you are having a hard day, follow your heart, look into your babies eyes and do what you feel is best. Trust yourself.
• SSK: #1 bf for 12 months, #2 for 18 months, #3 for 27 months, and # 4 and am still bfeeding strong at 20+ months (while going to school full time). So that is a total of 77 months, so far… I unfortunately received no advice with my first, but had read every book out there (11+ years ago) and it happened to come naturally to both of us:) Recently many friends have had first babies and have called on me to help with breastfeeding (which I love and do). The best advice I give them is to relax and not get frustrated too soon, keep at it and call if they need anything anytime! It is not “easy” or “natural” for everyone and takes a lot of dedication in the first several weeks!
• Mirjam: Do you know what is so interesting? Reading all of these posts makes it really clear how much of a learning curve is involved in breastfeeding! Nearly everyone who has posted, myself included, breastfed their second child longer than their first, and the third longer than that. Which again kind of echoes what many mamas have said – breastfeeding is a learned behavior, both for you and your baby, and it is important to see it as that so you don’t get frustrated if you falter at first.
• MH: 20 month First Son, 22 month Second Son -  Get through the first month of breastfeeding and it gets easier, in general. I had no guidance about breastfeeding just thought it would be easier and cheaper than formula. Advice: “try not to listen to people’s opinion about how long to breastfeed – short or long, only a mom/child knows what is appropriate.”
• Beth M.: 49 months and counting (14m with #1, 19m with #2 and 16m with #3). Best Advice?? Just relax…your body knows what to do.
• HHL: 2 kids- I breastfed the first for 11 months(and pumped and bottle fed breastmilk until 12 months) and am currently still nursing my 16 month old. I’d say the best advice I received and not until the second was to ignore the clock and feed on demand. I spent so much time recording feedings and EVERYTHING else the first time around and the second time I wrote down NOTHING and life was so much easier. I truly think a huge part of breastfeeding success is surrounding yourself with like minded mamas. It can really feel like an uphill battle when you tell someone about a nursing issue and their response is why don’t you just stop, you’ve done it long enough vs. receiving a sympathetic ear and good ideas and options to give you the support needed to continue. Sometimes all you need to keep you going is for someone to tell you, “I’ve been there” and that’s hard to receive if you don’t know other moms who have nursed and are nursing.
• DS: One little lady still breastfeeding (she’s 46 mos.) and one on the way; best advice — I definitely 2nd Brandy  — unless you have a dream pediatrician, go with the lactation consultant’s advice (or now, the advice you get here! Second best — trust yourself and your mothering instincts always!
• ERM: Wasn’t able to nurse my 12 month old twins but have been PROUDLY nursing my 6 week old since she was less than an hour old. BEST advice I received (which I didn’t get until last week) was to NOT even think about a pump or pumping for at least the 1st 6 weeks. It just adds too much pressure and stress. Just nurse, nurse, nurse and get that relationship down. If baby is thriving then you know you have an adequate supply. I highly recommend a trip to Jill Rabin in Northbrook also. =)
• KCS: Child number one, age 5, nursed two weeks past his 4th birthday. The twins are three and still nursing. I nursed all three for 2 years.
• ECH: 16 months or so with my first, 5 weeks so far with this new baby. The best advice I received was if you were missing nursings because you were busy, spends the weekends in bed nursing. It helped me to work full time, pump, and continue the nursing relationship.
• NW: I’ve been breastfeeding for 3 months, and plan to keep going onto 12. Determination and the bond kept me going. The day that we had an 8am dr appt, we were outside waiting for the doors to open and he was hungry, so I fed him in my car, and he looked up at me with milk all over his face and gave me one of the first smiles I’d seen. Best advice was skin-to-skin contact, it helped me within hours of some nipple confusion. But I’m lucky enough to have a generally easy breastfeeding relationship with my son.

You’ll definitely be busier than usual – shopping, cooking, cleaning, attending worship services and holiday gatherings.  You may have houseguests for several days — or even weeks.  You might be traveling and living in someone else’s (un-child-proofed) home.

Your children may be getting hugs and kisses from relatives they don’t really know or remember.  Your home may be decorated and furniture rearranged.  Nap schedules and bedtime routines will be out of sorts.

New toys will come into your home.  Some of these might be noisy and scary to your child.  Or they may be so exciting that your kids are bouncing off the walls!

You can confidently breastfeed through the grocery store or at the playground any day of the week, without a care in the world.  But the thought of nursing your child in front of your father-in-law or teenage nephews makes you break out in a cold sweat.

Here are some tips to get you through the holidays!

Courtesy Stephanie Dame Photography

If you have a young infant, babywearing can save your sanity!  The ability to discreetly breastfeed in a carrier is invaluable.  (Take some time to master it beforehand.)  If you have you baby snuggled up to your chest, usually even the closest family and friends will respect your personal space.  If the baby is securely tied to you, there’s less chance of him being subjected to the “pass the baby” game.  While I’m happy that so many people love my children, I do try to limit the amount of kisses on their face and hands during cold and flu season.

Most of our mothers and grandmothers did not breastfeed.  Without that experience, it’s very difficult for them to understand the dynamics of your breastfeeding relationship with your child.  Women of their generation were probably instructed to start feeding their babies cereal at six weeks old.  In cultures around the world, food is a symbol of love, so everyone will want to feed your child!

Whether it’s delaying the start of solids, limiting certain foods or avoiding allergens, I find that it’s best to be up-front about what you allow and what you don’t.  Ask your family to respect your decision.  Be firm and be watchful, because I can almost guarantee that someone will try to sneak something that’s not allowed, or they may simply forget that about the butter basting when they offer turkey to your dairy-free child.

An older baby or toddler may be so enamored with all the new people, places, experiences, and toys that they forget to nurse, not to mention the relatives that will be filling his/her little tummy with things other than your milk.  So unless you’re both ready to wean, be sure to schedule some nursing sessions so you and your nursling have a chance to relax and reconnect.  For the easily distracted child, seek out a quiet room where the two of you can escape.

Chances are that you’re parenting very differently than other members of your family or social circle.  Some people will question your methods just out of sheer curiosity.  They’ll be open to hearing about how and why you’ve made these choices, so please take the time to share your story and information.

Others may be confrontational about your parenting, defensive in their own methods and even belittle yours.  In these circumstances, it’s best to not engage.  Just respond with, “This works for our family,” and do your best to change the subject.  You and your parenting partner may even want a code word to be used when one of you needs support from the other, and it never hurts to have an exit strategy!

Most mothers take a “make it work” approach when it comes to clothes that accommodate breastfeeding.   The holidays are the perfect opportunity to buy a nice piece of nursingwear to add to your wardrobe.  In an outfit made for breastfeeding, you won’t have to worry about how much of you is on display.

Many herbs used during holiday feasts (particularly sage, thyme, oregano, parsley, anise and mints) can decrease your milk supply, especially if you’re eating the leftovers for several days!  Stress, dehydration, cold/flu, lack of sleep, travel, irregular nursing sessions can also take their toll on your supply.  So be sure to take care of yourself during this season!  It never hurts to have some Mother’s Milk tea or Vitanica’s Lactation Blend capsules on hand.  (Look for these at your local health food store.)

Almost everyone loves babies and children – especially during the holidays.  So use some that goodwill to make your life a little easier:

Many of our parenting partners/spouses have additional time off during the holidays.  Send Daddy out on an errand with the baby while you clean the house.

Invite your mother-in-law to go shopping.  It’s almost always easier with another adult along.

Plan a “Baking Day” with your kids and Grandma to get those holiday treats made all at once.  (Plan to order take-out for that night’s dinner, or better yet, start your crock pot early in the morning, so when the day’s baking is done, dinner is ready.)

Have a niece or nephew with a driver’s license?  Consider hiring them to run some errands for you.

Find a young teen to hire as your “Mother’s Helper” for an afternoon or two during their winter break.  You’ll be able to accomplish a lot of cooking, wrapping, cleaning with someone else entertaining your baby or toddler.

It’s not unusual for children to experience a major developmental milestone over the holidays.  In all the excitement, they can forget a habit or routine and unexpectedly start (or stop) doing something.  If possible, it’s probably best not to attempt a major transition during this chaotic time.  Give all of you a chance to make it through the holidays before tackling a new skill.

While the holidays are a magical time for our children, they’re also very susceptible to becoming overwhelmed and overly tired.  Be sure to check in often to get a read on their physical and emotional state.

Best wishes for a joyous and healthy holiday season!

Christine Sheets Nutile lives in the southwest suburbs of Chicago with her husband and their three children.  Much to her surprise, she’s been breastfeeding for over six years – through two pregnancies, hyperemesis and despite the numerous food allergies in her nurslings.  She’s a co-founder of the APChicagoSouth parenting group and offers private consultations and group workshops on babywearing.  Her family practices autodidacticism, also known as child-led learning, a form of home education.

A couple years ago, a study was done on a group of wild baboon mothers (hang in there, I promise this will be interesting). The researchers studied the level of sociability of the mothers and then looked at the survival rates of their babies. What they found explains why coffee shops all over America are packed full with diaper bags and strollers at 10:30 every weekday morning. Mama baboons that were more social had babies who survived. Yeah, we don’t live in a jungle (though you should see my garden), but I think it’s an easy jump to make from primate to primate. The ability and opportunity to connect with other moms is good for you, but it’s especially good for your baby. 

So why bring that up on a breastfeeding blog? We are socially connected! We’ve got the internet now! We can look at one of the 24,000 breastfeeding videos on YouTube. We’ve got Facebook, the only place on earth we can subject our third cousin to our lactivist tendencies without having to look him in the face! There are new breastfeeding blogs and websites popping up every day! Look how far we’ve come, baby.

I really don’t think it’s that far. Real connection, face-to-face connection, doesn’t happen through a screen and real connection is what we need to change Chicago’s breastfeeding culture.

Here’s what I mean: Four years ago, I was sitting in coffeeshop with my mommy crew for our weekly get-together. These are the ladies who showed, not told, me how to deal with toddlers in a loving, respectful way. It was by watching them interact with their older kids that I learned that the occasional milk spill is absolutely not a big deal and actually pretty funny if you think about it. It was by watching them that I learned to help my child stand up for himself and tell his friends what he wants and doesn’t want. And it was through them that I realized that breastfeeding is part of life, just like any other parenting activity. On that day, four years ago, Kelly and I were talking about who knows what (probably social justice school reform, because that’s what we like to talk about) and she gracefully lifted her son away from her chest and pulled her shirt down. In that moment I realized that she had been breastfeeding the entire time we were talking; I just hadn’t noticed! I remember Michelle sighing when she talked about the fact that her older daughter still wanted to nurse at night, along with her baby sister. I learned that Pat had induced lactation and pumped for months before her adopted son ever arrived home. I didn’t even know that was possible! Yeah, these are amazing ladies in a lot of different ways, but they get some credit for me becoming a breastfeeding freak. And by freak, I mean lover.

The lessons these ladies taught me aren’t covered in a breastfeeding class, they can’t be found in a book, and nobody uses them as status updates. The real lessons in parenting (and breastfeeding) come from the interactions with other moms that we were designed to have, the interactions that our DNA tells us to have, the interactions that our babies’ wellbeing is dependent upon, because we become better moms every time we see a good mom in action. We may not notice how the interaction changes us, but it puts one more tool in our toolbox… and who doesn’t need more tools to deal with these special little creatures we call our kids?

Right now, public health experts are wringing their hands trying to figure out how to get more moms to breastfeed their babies. They are failing. You can have brilliant billboards with breastfed babies on them (like Milwaukee’s campaign), you can have celebrity endorsements of breastfeeding, you can a million adorable breastfeeding accessories for your smart phone, but nothing is going to change the breastfeeding culture like mom-to-mom support. Period.

Unfortunately, getting moms to speak up is a hell of a lot harder than sticking up a billboard. None of us wants to be “that” friend. None of us wants to hurt anyone’s feelings or seem judgmental and pushy. So what do we do? We nurse in front of our friends. We nurse at playgroup. We nurse at the park. We nurse at church/temple/mosque. We nurse at family reunions, birthday parties, weddings, baby showers, and bachelorette parties. We ignore people’s negative comments, and have a simple, but firm response in our pocket (something like “This is the way I’ve chosen to feed my children”). We become our own silent, but omnipresent billboard.

Once this happens, once all of our “billboards” are up all over the city, our mom friends will start asking questions. “Doesn’t it hurt?” “Can you still have sex and breastfeed?” “My friend said her milk ran out – is that true?” “Aren’t you back at work now?” And we will smile, and we will answer all of their questions, and we will share with them this awesome parenting tool called breastfeeding, because that’s what we do.

Lesson of the day: Find your tribe. If you can’t find a tribe, find a group of moms that you can tolerate, because you’ll need them on this journey, and they will need you.

Katrina Pavlik, founder of Breastfeed, Chicago!, wants to thank her tribe for all the invaluable lessons they have taught her. This journey would not be the same without you.

Last month I attended my first nurse-in.  If you’re not familiar with the term, a “nurse-in” is essentially a peaceful protest including mothers who sit in or near a public place and nurse their children.  This is done in response to a mother being asked to leave said location for exercising her rights to breastfeed her child.  44 states have laws which allow women to breastfeed in any public or private location.  28 states exempt breastfeeding from public indecency laws.

In our state of IL, we are covered under both of these laws.  But apparently the owner of No Strings Attached, a resale shop in downtown DeKalb, felt that his position as a shop owner made him exempt from the law.  So when my friend Nichole began nursing her daughter in his store, John Rapp asked her to leave.  Nichole’s fiance informed Mr Rapp of the laws protecting the mother of his child, but he did not care.

Nichole, helping to promote breastfeeding

So on June 2nd, a group of about 45 mothers and our children all met outside of No Strings Attached for a nurse-in.  It was amazing.  Over the course of 24 hours, news of our impending nurse-in spread all over facebook.  There was an article in the local paper about it, and a few of us were interviewed.  Lots of press showed up, from WGN news to the Chicago Tribune, and I think those of us involved are still amazed that so many people from all over are interested in this story.

I had a little interview with DeKalb County Online:

There are still tons of people arguing that John Rapp was correct in asking Nichole to leave and that mothers should find a private place (like a bathroom-seriously, when is this suggestion going to go away?) to nurse her child.  But here’s the deal, folks, the law is the law.  We have laws put in place to protect ourselves and our children, and it doesn’t matter if you feel that a mother should pump her milk and bring bottles when she goes out, or put a cover over her baby’s head, or nurse the baby in the car.  What matters is that it is our right as mothers to feed our babies when they want to be fed.  Period.  Any opposition to the law should be taken up with your state’s representative.

I, for one, feel that our nurse-in was a success.  So much awareness was created about breastfeeding and breastfeeding in public and that’s a great first step towards normalization.  We need to get people comfortable talking about breastfeeding first, get them to challenge their ideas and perceptions about it so that we can have an open dialogue.  And the more people see women nursing their babies, the less they’ll be disgusted or offended by it, because it will be seen as normal.

Balloons were given out to the kids by local shop owners

Does this look obscene?

Suzi, being offensive.

Suzi Leigh is a Certified Lactation Counselor and currently nursing her son. She offers her readers and clients evidence-based information, as well as support and encouragement during this beautiful time of life. She teaches breastfeeding classes for new and expectant mothers, those going back to work, and for babies and children over 6 months. She can be found blogging at Attached at the Boob.

Be that as it may. What we do know is that the marketing of infant formula is driven by capitalism, an economic system that works only so long as you are able to convince people that they need things they didn’t even know they wanted (obvious examples of this principle are Silly Bands as well as the expansion of formula marketing to poor communities in non-industrialized countries, for whom breastfeeding is not only the more salubrious, but also the only affordable and safe choice. And don’t even get me started on toddler formula). So, with the advent of infant formula, it was in the manufacturers’ best interest to create as big a market for formula as possible.

And here is where the feminist bit comes in. This market was created through the deliberate harnessing of systems of oppression and power at the cost of women’s self-determination and their children’s health. Initially, commercial formula was considered the province of physicians and thus, until the latter part of the last century, physicians were the ones who were in effect “selling” this product to women, who make up a disenfranchised group that has traditionally been left with only two areas of self-determination: childbirth and the feeding of children. The obvious message that this sends is that the physician knows better than the mother what to feed the child. Considering the power differential inherent in a doctor-patient relationship, it is no wonder that most mothers did not think to question whether the physician’s opinion was influenced by hard science or by…dare I say it…the fashionable glint of prescribing something that seemed modern and cutting-edge. And so, control over that most basic of mothering functions – feeding one’s child – was wrested from mothers, who went from having agency in the feeding of their children (if no longer their birthing) to being passive bystanders who were marketed to – who didn’t do, but were done to. (This is even more so the case for women living in poverty – consider that roughly half of infant formula is supplied through WIC in the U.S.).

Simultaneously, formula feeding began to be touted as the “modern” and “normal” way of feeding a child. And if formula feeding is “normal” and “modern,” what does that make breastfeeding? Archaic. Abnormal. Vaguely dirty, perhaps.

And the “vaguely dirty” and “abnormal” part brings me to the second reason why breastfeeding is a feminist issue: the way in which breastfeeding is perceived in our culture. There is the obvious point that comes up whenever a mother gets kicked out of a restaurant for nursing in public, and some cranky bystander giving a sound bite for the local news opines that nobody should ever breastfeed in public because some hapless male teenager, having seen a glimpse of nipple, might be incited to go on a serial rape rampage that ends in a police shootout three states over (I am exaggerating a smidgen. But only a smidgen.). So the obvious point, obviously, is that those sorts of comments say a lot about our collective cultural anxiety when it comes to female sexuality – this idea that all of the oppression that has been heaped on women for the past few millennia has been justified because there is something dangerous about the female condition, and if you don’t watch out, the vagina dentata that you’ve been objectifying for the last two thousand and odd years might rear up and bite you in the…well. Again, that is the obvious point. What is perhaps less obvious are the two logical consequences of our collective cultural conceptualization of breastfeeding.

First, think of breastfeeding in the public realm. Why is it that, in this day and age, people get so squeeged out by a nursing mother? Why is it that the general public repeatedly sends the message that a behavior that is uniquely and exclusively feminine does not belong out in places where people engage in socializing, politicking, trading, working (i.e., all of the traditionally male-dominated moving and shaking in a community) but should rather be relegated to the home and hearth? That certainly looks like gender stereotyping…smells like gender role stereotyping…wait a minute, does this imply that women can act like women, but only at home? Some pretty interesting research certainly suggests that this is the case. For example, a 2004 (Acker) study suggests that benevolent sexism (i.e., having positive attitudes toward women as long as women conform to gender stereotypes) is related to negative attitudes toward nursing in public.

Second, think of breastfeeding in the professional realm (here’s where we get into institutionalized discrimination. Good stuff.) Institutionalized discrimination refers to the unequal treatment of a particular group due to values, rules, or “ways of doing things” that are so embedded within a particular system or organization that they have become all but invisible. (On a side note: one example of this is what is researched in a scientific community, and how the resultant knowledge is disseminated. I think it is pretty interesting that the published research on attitudes toward breastfeeding – and the possible link to sexism (see the preceding paragraph) – is so compelling, yet so sparse. But I digress.) Another example of institutionalized discrimination is how “professional” behavior is defined within corporate culture. This definition obviously includes a dress code, certain kinds of communication style (communication styles that are typically associated with women or racial minority groups are not, for example, viewed as professional), etc. etc. Most relevant here, however, is the expected separation between work and family life – in which a professional is expected to be 100% present at work while at work, and to prevent family life from impinging upon their professional activities. Which raises the question: how can you be a “good mom” (who successfully carries the big old bag ‘o guilt that comes along with that moniker) and a good employee? We all know that implicit in the specter of the “good mom” is that she be “able” to establish a successful breastfeeding relationship. But if leaving a board meeting early to attend your five-year-old’s t-ball game strains the rules of “professional” conduct, then nursing your five-month-old at that same board meeting would blow them straight to hell. And taking a twenty-minute pump break every three hours isn’t exactly the behavioral equivalent of a black power suit.

And thus, as a culture, we are talking out of both sides of our mouths. We send a strong implicit message that all good mothers must try to breastfeed, but have simultaneously created a pervasive cultural myth that paints breastfeeding as something that is good to try but pretty much impossible to “succeed at,” especially if you are not able to stay home with your child.

And that message is getting through to mothers loud and clear: Research shows that the percentage of women who are biologically unable to produce a sufficient amount of milk to feed their child hovers somewhere around 3%. Yet fewer than 40% of babies are exclusively breastfed at 2 months, and fewer than 12% of babies are breastfed exclusively for the first 6 months. Of course, there are plenty of moms who end up formula-feeding because their baby has trouble nursing, or because they were separated from their baby at birth and it was too hard to make up for that critical first half hour, or because they have some sort of medical condition, or because their life constraints make it difficult to be the only person responsible for feeding their child, or who were knocked over by PPD and couldn’t handle also having to worry about figuring out how to breastfeed, or who choose to bottle-feed because that is what they want to do, which is their decision, and that is totally okay with me (not that any mom should give a rat’s ass what I think about how she feeds her kid). But far more than 3% of moms report that they are formula-feeding (or supplementing) not because they want to, but because they are not producing enough milk for their baby. And it is those moms that I am concerned with – those moms from whom society took the basic choice of how to feed their children. How did these moms, many of whom were excited to start breastfeeding and determined to make it work, end up concluding that their bodies were letting them down when, for their vast majority, this could not statistically be the case?

Consider this: the one thing that definitively, unequivocally stops milk letdown in its tracks is stress and anxiety.  And what is more likely to cause stress and anxiety than attempting to exclusively nurse a baby when you are living in a culture where articles in parenting magazines talk about the difficulties of breastfeeding, where you rarely (if ever) see other women nursing, where your mom asks why you aren’t formula feeding, where your mailbox is flooded with formula coupons from the moment you make your first OB appointment, where – if you are a woman of color, or have a non-heteronormative look, or you have a disability, or you’re heavy – there are few (if any) images in the media of nursing women who look like you, where your child’s pediatrician suggests supplementation as a solution for “problems” that really aren’t (e.g., a two-month-old who cries a lot, a five-month-old who doesn’t yet sleep through the night)?

So finally, we arrive at victim-blaming (could any article about women in society be complete without it?). Because collectively, as a society, we are really stacking the deck against successful breastfeeding relationships. But when we talk about a mother who wanted to nurse her child but was not able to do so, we don’t ever say that society let her down. We say that her body must have let her down, or that she didn’t “want” it enough – a defective body or a defective mothering instinct. This, of course, conveniently deflects attention from the ways in which society lets down nursing mothers – and thus permits us, as a society, to continue to refuse to take responsibility for what has been described as an international health crisis, while heaping blame on mothers.

So here’s your chance, people. Breastfeeding is about feminism. And feminism is about empowerment, about making choices, about being cognizant of where society’s messages are coming from, and about being thoughtful about which of those messages you choose to accept or play along with. So you can make a stand for feminism today.  You can do it by boycotting Nestle, by organizing a nurse-in, by writing a letter to the editor of some parenting magazine that runs articles on breastfeeding next to a Similac ad, or by saying something nice to a breastfeeding mom in a restaurant (research shows that women who nurse in public are met with fewer looks and gestures of approval than are women who bottle-feed in public). You can do it by asking your employer what her policy is for supporting nursing mothers. You can do it by teaching your kids that nursing is the normal way of feeding an infant. You can do it by listening compassionately and nonjudgmentally to a friend who wasn’t able to nurse, and by respecting the decision of a friend who chose not to nurse. When my baby wakes up from her nap, I am going to do it by nourishing her from my breasts. How is that for multitasking – feeding a baby while checking facebook and sticking it to the man.

Mirjam Quinn lives in Chicago. She loves her husband, her kids, books, yoga, ice cream, her job, and a good argument.

Some of the great things about nursing and traveling are:

1)     You do not need to worry about going through security at the airport. You don’t have to put the bottles with formula in a ziplock bag, remember to pull it out of your diaper bag to show to the TSA agents. You just have your boobs.

2)      You don’t have to worry if the formula will stay cold in the cold in the cooler. Your body is your best temperature control.

3)     You don’t have to mess with bottles and worry about whether you packed enough. Your boobs are like a tap at the bar – the milk never seems to stop flowing when your baby needs another round.

However, my most favorite thing about traveling and nursing is the peacefulness of it. There isn’t a rush to mix a bottle to help calm a screaming baby. You just latch him on and let him suckle away. We have spent some beautiful moments just enjoying the scenery and taking it in while he nurses. And, when he’s done, there’s no worry about having to clean a bottle, you just button up and you are back on the road – until the next diaper change, of course.

Jennifer is a stay-at-home mom to two crazy boys. She dabbles in being a postpartum doula, an activist in the developmental disabilities community, and working as a short-order cook for her 3 year-old. She also blogs about her boys’ lives here (http://10littletoes.wordpress.com/) when her eye isn’t twitching from lack of sleep.

If you are like me, you are very passionate about breastfeeding and are often disillusioned by today’s media and society that seem to side with the “stay at home or give your kid a bottle” mentality.  (Let me just let out a little “ugh!!!” for you all.)  I know there will be many posts on this blog regarding all the wonderful aspects of breastfeeding, why it is best for babies, and why you should do it unabashedly whenever and wherever you please.  Today, however, I am going to step back from the seriousness of breastfeeding and visit the lighter side.  Breastfeeding is awesome, in every way, shape, and form.  Breast milk IS best.  But let’s face it…sometimes you just need to have a sense of humor.  So I present to you a small list I have complied based on my personal experiences entitled,

You know you are a breastfeeding mom when…

Your husband thinks it’s funny to teach your two-year old to “moo” at you.

You have completely forgotten what underwire is.  That’s like how the cable tv gets into the house, right?

You go to grab a coaster for a guest and realize it’s a nursing pad.

Your 2 year old knows that the baby eats milk…and it comes from the “boo-boos.”  And, she takes the opportunity to show you (and anyone else who would like to see) her boo-boos…and her baby brother’s.

While walking past the breast pumps at Target your daughter starts pointing and excitedly yells out, “That’s the Mama’s!!!”

The UPS man comes to the door and you are this close to opening it, when you realize your shirt is still up around your chest. Oops.

You have serious concerns about the amount of breastmilk that has been inadvertently squirted into your child’s eye.  So much so that “breast milk in eye” may or may not show up on your past Google searches. (Raise your hand if you knew it could help cure an eye infection!)

You’d rather lose your wedding ring than spill a bottle of pumped milk.  Insurance covers the ring…that liquid gold is gone forever. (I wince even thinking of this…)

Your daughter thinks her little play sliced tomato is a nursing pad…and attempts to stick it down your shirt for you every chance she gets.

You are often referred to as “the milk truck.” As in, “Don’t cry baby, here comes the milk truck!”

Pumping 4 oz. of milk in one sitting just might be cause for a victory dance…

You know that fenugreek has nothing to do with frat parties and that when people are talking about the “dom” it’s not a nice bottle of champagne you drink once a year on New Years or your anniversary.

You get to field questions about your activities, like when my 5-year old niece (after thinking long and hard about what she was witnessing) asked, “Why is he sucking on your BOOB!???”

Hearing a sob story about the woman with the overage problem who pumped 20-some oz. in one sitting doesn’t make you feel sorry for her. In fact, it kind of makes you want to punch her. Or just rob her house of her freezer stash.

You have to bring a change of clothes with you everywhere…not because there is a chance your newborn will poop or spit up on you, but because of this…

Your biggest accomplishment in the last three months is not a big work project, but that you have successfully figured out how to nurse your baby, one handed, while making dinner, talking on the phone, and entertaining your other child.  Rock star!

When people see your son and say, “BIG Boy!!” you get all happy and smiley because it’s all YOU.  Go you! Go your boobs!

You are forced to answer questions like, “How long are you planning on nursing that child?” with totally clever responses such as, “well, I suppose it might be a little awkward when he goes off to college.”

What about you?  What are some funny stories that you could add to this list? I’d love to hear them!

Emily (last name withheld for privacy reasons) is a teacher in the Chicagoland area. She has a two year old daughter who was breastfed until she self-weaned at 13 months and a 3 month old son who will breastfeed until he decides he is ready to stop…or goes to college, whichever comes first.  You can read more about her life on her blog “justem” (link = http://justem.typepad.com), which is a private blog, but she’ll give you the password if you ask nicely!