Standing Up for a Mother’s Right to Nurse in Public

This post was originally posted on Attached at the Boob on June 3, 2011. Thank you, Suzi, for allowing us to repost it!

Last month I attended my first nurse-in.  If you’re not familiar with the term, a “nurse-in” is essentially a peaceful protest including mothers who sit in or near a public place and nurse their children.  This is done in response to a mother being asked to leave said location for exercising her rights to breastfeed her child.  44 states have laws which allow women to breastfeed in any public or private location.  28 states exempt breastfeeding from public indecency laws.

In our state of IL, we are covered under both of these laws.  But apparently the owner of No Strings Attached, a resale shop in downtown DeKalb, felt that his position as a shop owner made him exempt from the law.  So when my friend Nichole began nursing her daughter in his store, John Rapp asked her to leave.  Nichole’s fiance informed Mr Rapp of the laws protecting the mother of his child, but he did not care.

Nichole, helping to promote breastfeeding

So on June 2nd, a group of about 45 mothers and our children all met outside of No Strings Attached for a nurse-in.  It was amazing.  Over the course of 24 hours, news of our impending nurse-in spread all over facebook.  There was an article in the local paper about it, and a few of us were interviewed.  Lots of press showed up, from WGN news to the Chicago Tribune, and I think those of us involved are still amazed that so many people from all over are interested in this story.

I had a little interview with DeKalb County Online:

There are still tons of people arguing that John Rapp was correct in asking Nichole to leave and that mothers should find a private place (like a bathroom-seriously, when is this suggestion going to go away?) to nurse her child.  But here’s the deal, folks, the law is the law.  We have laws put in place to protect ourselves and our children, and it doesn’t matter if you feel that a mother should pump her milk and bring bottles when she goes out, or put a cover over her baby’s head, or nurse the baby in the car.  What matters is that it is our right as mothers to feed our babies when they want to be fed.  Period.  Any opposition to the law should be taken up with your state’s representative.

I, for one, feel that our nurse-in was a success.  So much awareness was created about breastfeeding and breastfeeding in public and that’s a great first step towards normalization.  We need to get people comfortable talking about breastfeeding first, get them to challenge their ideas and perceptions about it so that we can have an open dialogue.  And the more people see women nursing their babies, the less they’ll be disgusted or offended by it, because it will be seen as normal.

Balloons were given out to the kids by local shop owners

Does this look obscene?

Suzi, being offensive.

Suzi Leigh is a Certified Lactation Counselor and currently nursing her son. She offers her readers and clients evidence-based information, as well as support and encouragement during this beautiful time of life. She teaches breastfeeding classes for new and expectant mothers, those going back to work, and for babies and children over 6 months. She can be found blogging at Attached at the Boob.

The Self-Proclaimed Breastfeeding Educationist, A Non-Activist

ac-tiv-ist (ak-tuh-vist) nounan especially active, vigorous advocate of a cause

Corry as a "mommie"

educationist (ej-oo-key-shuh-nist) noun a specialist in the theory and methods of education

By the time I got home from the hospital with my son, I felt betrayed by my body in more ways than I could count: a metabolic disorder making getting pregnant difficult, a high-risk pregnancy, a 26-hour delivery, and to top it all off… a pair of flat nipples which a nurse handily “fixed” with nipple shields. I had been practicing for motherhood all my life, and there I was, devastated, frustrated and exhausted.

Eight weeks later, I was an under-nourished, overly-tired, emotionally-distraught mother who has grown to loath the physical act of breastfeeding. The nipple shield made public nursing impossible, so I began to express milk and bottlefeed my little man. I never gave up on my ideal of motherhood; I wanted to breastfeed my baby. I found a Friday-night breastfeeding support group at Cygnus Lactation led by Nancy Mohrbacher (IBCLC; co-author of Breastfeeding Made Simple and author of Breastfeeding Answers Made Simple). Inspired by the wonderful women present, I shared my experience. They referred me to an IBCLC who came in to see me Sunday morning. Within 10 minutes, my son was latched and sucking away. My postpartum depression quickly passed. I felt totally empowered, and I was ready to tell the world that if I could do it, anyone could!

My motive was pure, but my approach, well, it needed a lot of help.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T. As I think back, I cannot think of one single time that I spoke, lectured, or preached about breastfeeding with the wrong attitude, but they all seem to flood together into a montage of Oops! moments. The usual response to my effusions was a glazed-over look that screamed Leave me alone!

I started to think about my own response to others telling me what was best for me and my family. My first instinct is the same as theirs. How dare you tell me what to do!?! Then a flurry of justifications for my choice would flood my mind, clouding everything. Moms don’t like to be told what to do. Period.

I decided I needed to change my strategy. I found that detaching from the other person’s choices and beliefs (I even have a mantra, if you want to hear it) made me more open and thus more approachable.

When sharing my experience, I started to pay attention to the other person’s body language. I started asking questions and really listening to the answers. I found that people were more inclined to listen when they felt like they were being heard. Moral of the story: When you show respect, people allow you in. So began my career as an educationist.

Timing. On March 2, 2011, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of a church group that chose to picket funerals of fallen soldiers, protesting gays in the military. The Washington Post commented: “The court’s most liberal and most conservative justices joined in a decision likely to define the term. It writes a new chapter in the court’s findings that freedom of speech is so central to the nation that it protects cruel and unpopular protests – even, in this case, at the moment of a family’s most profound grief.” Regardless of our opinion of a person’s sexual preference or involvement in war and military combat, our hearts grieved for those families.

There is a powerful lesson in this experience: Whether the subject is protected by law or not, when we choose to approach a topic will directly affect how it is received. Timing is everything. In discussing “taboo” topics like breastfeeding, it is so important to consider the listener and those present. For example, never offer breastfeeding or parenting advice when the mother-in-law is present. More than likely, mommy already feels inadequate when MIL is around.

Consider her feelings. With a long history of sexual abuse, I have a lot of baggage. I have grown close to many other mommies who can relate personally, so when someone says that she will never breastfeed, I know that she is most likely also a survivor.

When a mom pushes back against my offers of advice or help, I always consider several factors. Mom may have a history of physical or sexual abuse. She may have been taught that there is no difference between breastfeeding and supplementation. She may have been booby trapped by scary stories and misinformation from medical professionals, celebrities, or other parents. She may suffer from a medical condition that honestly requires medication not compatible with breastfeeding. Even if none of these is the case, she still has the right to her choice. Again, step back, offer your help, and if she says no, let it go.

Be Prepared. Prepare your approach to pregnant friends. Instead of barraging them with the fine details of how breastfeeding will save the world, use phrases like, “I’m here to help if you’re interested in learning more about breastfeeeding,” or, “There are lots of pregnant women at my breastfeeding support group, so you know you’re always welcome.” For shower gifts, I buy a gift certificate for personal help from an IBCLC that can be used for long-term assistance. I know that mine included as many follow-ups as necessary, which were giant confidence boosters.

After you’ve figured out what she is inclined to hear, share a personal, positive experience. My favorite story was when my 2 year old needed to have a catheter inserted, and I informed the nurses that I would nurse him during the procedure. They were apprehensive, but I explained that breastfeeding would reduce the pain. Besides a few whimpers, he laid still enough for them to complete the procedure. The nurses had never seen anything like it before.

Prepare to react to unfriendly comments while nursing in public. I highly recommend rehearsing this with a friend in advance. The manager approaches to ask you to cover up or to go to the bathroom. Instead of berating the manager (who is likely unfamiliar with the law or has been pressured by the customers), kindly explain that you will be done shortly. Let them leave. When you have finished, take a deep breath, and politely ask to speak to the manager. Explain that you understand their concern, but you were not intending to create a scene, simply to nourish your child. Ask, “Do you know why I choose to breastfeed, even when I know that others may become uncomfortable?” Then share a few easy-to-remember reasons, and give them a copy of the Illinois breastfeeding law. If the manager is irate, request that they call the police. In the unlikely event the police are called, they are very familiar with the laws protecting a mother’s right to breastfeed in public.

By being prepared with thought-out answers and acting in a considerate manner, our not-yet-breastfeeding-allies will become more compliant and supportive. After all, if they knew how awesome breastfeeding is, they wouldn’t dare attack it!

I’m coining a new term: Breastucation (breastfeeding + education). We can change the breastfeeding culture in Chicago with a little listening, empathy and gentle education.

Corry has been contentedly married for 8 years and is mother to an almost 3-year-old son who was breastfed for the first 28 months of his life, despite flat nipples, food allergies and two rare medical conditions. She owns and operates Clean Green Nappy diaper service in Ingleside, IL, manages the accounting department of her husband’s business, plays with Thomas & Friends, loves to scrapbook, and is a volunteer minister who occasionally sleeps through the night.

Going Back to Work

Going back to work and continuing to breastfeed is not easy.  Especially when your little one is extra little – and you know everyone around you suspects she’s not getting enough.  All of a sudden you can be measured and judged.

Even with an unbelievably flexible boss, an amazingly supportive husband and – shall we say – an above-average sense of self-confidence, I still find it challenging.

Challenging, but not impossible.  And incredibly rewarding at the same time.  There is no better feeling than coming home from work and nursing your baby to sleep.  You feel the stress of the day melt away as you snuggle down, stroke that soft, furry head and hold on to those sweet little fingers.

So be prepared, be persistent and go for it!

Here are my top tips for breastfeeding moms going back to work.

• Educate yourself!  There’s a lot of mis-information out there.  Get your information from a trusted source.  Read kellymom.com.  Consult your trusted lactation consultant or doula.  Attend La Leche League meetings.   Here’s the thing – just because someone is certified  (doctor, nurse, even lactation consultant) doesn’t mean she is informed and certainly doesn’t mean he knows what’s best for your baby.  Be your own advocate.  Arm yourself with information and know what you are prepared to do.

• Work towards a routine!  Read the books (yes – even that one), ask around, figure out what works for your baby and start pretending you’re there.  Olivia resisted a schedule for a long time.  Now when people say “you’re so lucky” when I tell them Olivia is in bed by six, I have to laugh.  It was – and still is – so much work.  And it’s far from perfect.  But it’s so much easier to leave your baby when you can give clear directions about when and how she should be eating and napping.  Plus, the predictability makes it much easier for you to plan.  Start at least a month before you plan to go back to work.  I actually delayed going back to work a month because we weren’t there yet.  Which brings us to our next tip…

• Go with your gut!  You need to be 100% comfortable with your baby care arrangements before going back.  What was your gut reaction when you first stepped into the daycare or met your nanny?  Do you have a nagging suspicion that your Great Aunt Mildred won’t stick to your plan?  When I first stepped into Olivia’s daycare I immediately felt calm and reassured in a way I hadn’t with other places we visited.  Speaking to the other moms was the icing on the cake.  Without that trust you will drive yourself crazy.

• Start slow!  I started the Tuesday after Memorial Day and am taking Wednesdays off.  Which means that first week I worked three days.  Believe me it was plenty.  Give yourself a chance to get used to things.

• Love your job! It’s really hard to tear yourself away from your baby. If you’re not doing something you find so captivating that time flies by or if you’re not getting paid for your talent – consider a new line of work.

• Don’t listen to those people!  Those people who say “I have so much milk in my freezer I’m running out of room.”  Those online reviews that boast “I filled 2 six ounce bottles in 10 minutes with this pump.”  Even those people that say “I had to give up because I could only get 2 ounces from each side.”  That last one killed me – I was thrilled to be getting four ounces.  Do not compare yourself to other people – they are not in your situation and their baby is not your baby.  Pay attention to your baby- and only your baby- to figure out how it’s going.
  

  Baby’s first sushi

• Find support! You may not be able to go to that Monday morning Mommy and Me Yoga class anymore – but maybe you can organize a lunch with other nursing moms in your office once a month?  Or call your childhood friend who’s now the world’s most awesome post-partum doula?  How about joining Breastfeed Chicago! on Facebook?  Find like-minded people and hear what they have to say!

• Set a goal!  Then another.  Take it one step at a time.  Maybe you’re trying to get to six months.  Maybe you just want to get through the week.  Set your sights high.

• Be organized!  I may or may not have prepared four pages of instructions for Olivia’s day care.  Being organized gives me a sense of control.  It also helps me operate on auto-pilot in the mornings – and maybe have a little extra time to play with Olivia before dropping her off.  Make a checklist.  Every night I try to idiot-proof my morning routine – packing my breakfast and lunch, laying out my clothes, rounding up my pump and bottles, putting everything but the milk in Olivia’s bag.  I still make mistakes.  Yesterday I was in the subway with the doors about to close when I realized I left my milk in the fridge at work and had to run back, just barely making Olivia’s bedtime.  To avoid that I may keep my milk in a cooler bag with ice packs right in my bag.  I certainly don’t need one more thing to try to remember.

• Experiment!  Pumping is tough.  Really tough.  The first day I raced home to find out Olivia drank exactly what I pumped – to the quarter ounce.  That never happened again.  I’m routinely an ounce or two short and have to make it up by pumping at night and on the weekends.  I compare pumping to having sex with an inflatable doll – it’s just not the same.  So I have a variety of equipment (hand pump, single electric, soft and hard shields) and experiment with different techniques (going back to let-down mode when the flow stops, yoga breathing, massaging).  Here’s the most important thing I have to say:  the amount of milk you pump is not a measure of your milk supply.  It’s not.

• Ask for what you want!  You’d be surprised how often you get it.  I was planning to pump in my office until I talked to a colleague (a former nursing mom) who said “absolutely not!” (the door doesn’t lock, people can hear you and know what you’re doing) and told me about the nursing room downstairs.  I now have time blocked off on my calendar that I’ve only had to move twice.  Know the law and be vocal if needed.

• Hydrate! Drink when you’re thirsty – no more, no less! Some women get really thirsty when they nurse or pump, so have a water bottle handy.

• Be forgiving!  You are working twice as hard as everyone else.  Give yourself a break and focus on what’s important.
  

• Be where you are!  When you’re working, work.  When you’re pumping, pump.  When you’re with your baby, be with your baby.

• Celebrate your achievements!  You’ve earned it.

Danit Lewin Schleman lives in Wicker Park and is a first-time mom to five-month-old Olivia.  She works as a Management Consultant and enjoys cooking and yoga in her (limited) spare time.